WSS brought it to my attention that perhaps I never explained the true beginning of my "learning complaisance". I thought that since I'd just typed it out for him, I'd share it with the rest of you. If it's boring, tough tooties...just don't read. *laughs* But if you've wondered where I come from...well, here it is.
I have always felt the need to help others, change the world (even if it was just my corner of it), and do "good" work. That is very clear in the kinds of professional work I did...environmental lobbying, teaching, healthcare advocacy...but when I became a stay-at-home mom, things really began to fall apart for me.
First, love Boy as I do, I am not a baby person. The whole motherlylovelosehoursgazingatbaby thing just isn't me. Second, I was suffering the job-loss = respect-loss big time. The glamour of getting all of the laundry done just didn't compare to getting a hot-button article published. I wanted and needed to feel that my everyday efforts WERE making a difference, even if my corner of the world had shrunk to the size of our house.
We had involved some roleplay in our sex life before, so I approached my husband with the notion of submissive play. At first, he rather dismissed the idea, I think because the little bit of D/s exposure he'd gotten was heavy on the humiliation-submission and he couldn't imagine me wanted that, let alone doing it to me.
I'm very grateful for that, because if things had gone that route, I would have been in serious trouble. Instead, he dropped it, and I brought it up again. The second time it was with the request to explore D/s play with Halder, whom I'd just met. He used the term "odalisque" to me. A cherished sex slave, basically.
It sounded fantastic to me, especially since odalisques are excused from mundane housework and saved only for sex. *wry smile* Nice dream, eh? *laughs* I know the reality of our living situation...without house slaves, there was no way it could happen. But the concept helped Beloved realize there was more to submission play than he'd first seen.
He became more interested in the whole development, and for a brief time, I was shared between Halder and Beloved, although neither had collared me. Things like Halder would come over for supper, I'd serve the guys and they'd enjoy teasing me about it or deliberately ignore me and talk about what they'd like to do with me. Sometimes there was a game after supper, and they'd wager on who got me for the night...little things like that. It was fun.
The problem that came up was Halder's primary relationship was failing...that made Beloved less comfortable with sharing me. Rather than calling it quits all together, we agreed to keep a friendship alive. That was tricky, and it pretty much took five months (and Halder's divorce and subsequent new slave) for the friendship to become comfortable again...but that's skipping ahead.
I was doing a lot of research in my "free time"....when I should have been napping...and stumbled upon GD2 because they were giving a "Sensual Spanking" presentation in December. Prior to being involved in a D/s relationship, we didn't really play much with "rough sex", but my husband's always giving my butt a swat, so I thought the presentation might be fun, and the taboo of going to a BDSM club was thrilling...even if I spent most of my time wide-eyed or staring at the floor.
After the presentation, I decided to offer Beloved a collar for me...the silver chain and heart lock. He was amused and accepted. We decided to return to GD2 in February because the topic was "Accepting Service". The focus was definitely on tops and how service submission is offered and how to show appreciation for it. That presentation really shaped a lot of our M/s relationship...he referred to himself as a "service-oriented Top" and views a lot of the Master-work over me to be a service to me to help me live a happier, more fulfilled life.
My submission isn't about sex...although sex is a part of it. It's 24/7...just about ever aspect of our lives has some flavor of M/s in it.
For example, he lost his keys on a trip to Chicago. Instead of trying to locate them himself, I made calls to the various places he'd gone, walked down to the train station to inquire on them, and since we have failed to locate them, I replaced everything for him.
I suppose a lot of people wouldn't see that as "submission" but I do, because it's going out of my way to be of service to my Beloved. My submission is more doing things to make my Master's life better...whether that's laundry, cooking, having a (reasonably) happy home to return to, or being a willing participant in sexplay.
There are also things that I take responsibility for in an effort to anticipate Beloved's needs. In that vain, I am responsible for household finances, managing his calendar, and networking in the D/s world.
Such duties are considered off-limits by number of the submissives I've talked to or read...the notion that I have such control leaves a question as to my level of devotion or submission. I suppose, to be fair, I can't imagine expecting a Master willingly catering to such bothersome tasks. I mean, really, does anyone say, "Oh goody, time to pay the bills!"
*soft sigh* I guess that's why M/s is a personal journey...no one can really tell you the direction to take. One that we continue to add, subtract, stir, and explore.
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