an aspiration

Last night, Beloved told me to go take a bath, "as hot as you can stand it." Maybe it's a testament of our energy-conservation that I filled the tub without turning the cold tap on at all. Or maybe it was simply that the dishes had been done right beforehand. Whichever. It could have gone hotter....

Relaxing in the bath, he came in and sat down beside me. "So, one of the links on your blogroll is for the young lady who likes to be hurt. (He was referring to Kaya's Under His Hand) What about that appeals to you?"

whoa...weighted question! I had to think about my answer. If I wasn't very clear, I might be signing up for something I really don't want! But it's a hard question because there are so many layers to it. The reason I first started reading her blog was because the day I found it, it was a "Eureka!" kind of post. I don't remember specifically what the topic was, but something about it hit home for me.

Since then, I have been morbidly fascinated with just how much Kaya takes. There are lots of things that I find rather horrifying, but it is a stark reminder to me that it's THEIR kink, it doesn't matter what *I* think about it, my opinions aren't going to change their interests. Thus, it really shouldn't matter what others think about what Beloved and I do...it doesn't (shouldn't) matter what *they* think about it, their opinions aren't going to (shouldn't) change our interests.

I also like the community that has grown up in Kaya's blog. Entire conversations are held in the comment threads. Some of those people have linked to me, which I find incredibly flattering...like maybe, MAYBE I have a clue in the D/s bdsm whateveryouwannacallit world.

I told Beloved all of this, and he nodded. He said that the really cool thing he saw was the blunt, no-holds-barred picture they offer. No dungeon, no secret codes, no muffled language. Kaya writes in a "Here it is, and if you don't like it, Go. Away." style.

No, I'm so not begging for play that results in bloody welts or bruises that last a while. I want to be able to wear a swimsuit without worrying that someone will think I'm an abused wife. At the same time, I do see her as a role model, because she is okay with her kinks and desires and needs. That is an aspiration for me.