Routines

I had a rare chance to actually drop in on the morning routines of my sister-in-law and another couple when I drove Beloved to the airport at an unreasonable 4:30 am hour. When Beloved came home, I mentioned that I generally like our morning routine.

"Oh? And what is our routine?"

huh. Well, the alarm goes off at 7 am, or Boy starts singing to himself and wakes us over the monitor. Beloved spoils me rotten and often lets me grab an extra twenty minutes of rest in the morning while he plays with Boy. He then brings Boy in to nurse, gathers his clothes and heads for the shower. By the time Beloved is done, so is Boy...and we all head downstairs. Beloved will check in with work or put together cereal or I'll make oatmeal or start water for tea. Boy usually manages to turn on the television for Backyadigans, and we eat a quick breakfast before Beloved shoots off for work...

Or some variation of that.

I like it. There is some family time mixed in there, and most of the things that need doing get accomplished (although you might have noticed I don't usually get a morning shower or a chance to get dressed before Beloved leaves. I *could* if I gave up my 20 minutes....Choices, choices...)

Our evening routine is kinda similar. Beloved gets home about 6 pm and because our backdoor has a security system and goes "Beep, beep beep" upon opening, Boy usually comes charging around the corner, hands spread, asking "hizit?" (His way of saying "Who is it? or Where is it?") I've (hopefully) gotten dinner prepped, and Beloved distracts Boy, takes him outside or just plays, while I finish getting the meal served. We eat dinner, then Beloved and Boy play while I clean up... About 7:30 or so, I'll ask Boy about a bath... "Bah-t!" and he'll look up at Beloved, pucker his lips for a kiss, wave nigh-night and run to the stairs. We change and bath...Beloved often comes up with a bottle and gets Boy out of the bath and into jammies. I jump into my jammies and sit in the rocker as Beloved takes Boy over to the CD player to push play, says nigh-night to the lights, and then settles Boy in my arms to nurse. Kissing us both, he disappears...I nurse for 20-30 minutes and then settle Boy in the crib with the bottle, slipping downstairs.

Depending on the day, usually, I'll start tea water and kneel or sit at Beloved's feet. Beloved might ask me for something in particular, but if nothing is asked of me, I pop on to the laptop, catch up on chat, email, blog, etc.... About 10 or 11 pm, we head to bed.

Or some version of that.

*sigh* Writing it out, we sound like parental old farts, don't we? Oh well....

But beyond those routines, there really isn't anything "routine" about our relationship. In the last couple of months, I have read a lot of other submissive/slave blogs, journals, contracts... I wonder if I'm spoiled, privileged, or at a disadvantage because we don't have a M/s routine or a set contract.

Do we need something more beyond that basic agreement? Do we need a routine to be considered a M/s couple?

We have both looked at actual written contracts, and I think we have both found them to be lacking when applied to our lifestyle. We've TRIED. For a couple of weeks, Beloved was scheduling my day. It was a ruddy awful experiment. Beloved quickly became disillusioned with the monotony of household work; I grew frustrated because Boy wasn't always accomodating to Mommy's locking him out of the bathroom so I could clean it without him shaking cleanser everywhere or trying to get into the chemicals... EVERYONE was stressed out and anxious. So, we abandoned the trial.

The fact is our lives aren't on a clockwork schedule. Beloved doesn't always know WHEN he will be home...even if I ask at 4 pm if he'll be home by 6. His job doesn't work that way. Anyone who has been a parent can tell you that while routines are very helpful, it's the child who really dictates the day-to-day plans.

Beloved expresses his preferences...and I do my best to accommodate those preferences.

He likes me to wear floaty skirts, for example, but doesn't pick out my clothes. The couple of times I've ASKED Master about what I should wear, he tells me to give him outfit choices. He has been very amused and pleased the couple of times I've met him at the door on my knees, but has never said I must do so. He inquires about the daily plans for Boy and me, occasionally asking I attend to some task or chore, but he doesn't give me a "stamp of approval" for which playdates I choose to make or what mundane household chores I set myself to.

All of this makes me think about the the story on life's priorities . Presently, the rocks are family, work, friends. The pebbles are our groups (drum circle, OLI, poly group, game nights, DIY home improvements, etc.) The sand is the M/s. It's not the LEAST important or the small stuff...it's important. It slips between and around everything in our lives, filling the gaps, completing and polishing other aspects in our lives.

I just don't know how that can be written into a routine, do you?


*sigh* and please, for the love of Pete, don't take this as a criticism if you DO have a life that fits into a routine. Some days, I wish that would work for us! It just doesn't, so we have found what works for US.