little lost...

Last night, HalDer and silvara visited, took care of supper, played with Boy and generally hung out. I was tsked several times for trying to do anything but lay about. Beloved said that it was his greedy desire that kept me relaxing, because he wanted me back to myself as soon as possible. Even still, he granted my request for a spanking...it was a good, old-fashioned hand-spanking that had me stinging and wincing as I crawled into bed. But it didn't relieve my inside aches the way I'd hoped.

Today I left Boy with Beloved's mother and had the day to myself. I spent most of it in the bathtub, followed by lying in bed and cuddling with the cat, wishing I weren't so lonely.

Despite having Beloved home and all these wonderful people spoiling me, I feel a little lost. I don't know what the matter is...I just feel a deep need to cry. The day is drawing to a close and I need to get ready to pick up Boy and do dinner and return to "normal" life...

But I want another day of quiet...another day of just having myself to worry about...another day, and maybe I'll spill the sorrows that I just don't understand from inside.

*soft sigh* I guess for now, I will continue the masquerade and hope that things sort themselves out. Or, knowing other read this, that someone will grant me insight.