*laughs* First thing to know about Beloved, he NEVER backs down from a challenge. Never. Sometimes this is a very bad thing, because we were both disappointed when Boy's hair got buzzed on a dare...
But sometimes, this is a very good thing. Like last night...
It was late, we'd had a long day, and as he climbed into bed I leaned over and kissed him, and then blithely said, "Can I suck your cock?" It was a light-playful tone...not at all the tone I'd use for such topics...it even surprised me that the words just tumbled out. Beloved grinned and kept kissing me. I teased and he jested back that sometimes a guy wants a little foreplay. So I pounced on him! He laughed, and I challenged him.
Bet you can't make me suck your cock!
*coughs* Beloved has expressed an increasing fondness for the idea of rough body play, of "forcing" pleasure, of "play-rape". It's been a pretty edgy topic for years because of my history. While I'm sure that was in his mind, Beloved certainly got into the spirit. And while I didn't bite, kick, or scream, I think I put up a reasonable struggle.
So, yes, I was "forced" to follow through on my original request...and then my pants were torn off and he took his pleasure...and dragged me along for the ride.
*smirks* It was fun. It was HOT. I didn't have any nightmares. Pretty cool. Who knows...maybe...maybe I can be HIS again.
A couple things that were different here, and interrelate:
ReplyDeleteYou initiated.
You were playful and comfortable.
By resisting, you were interacting not just receiving, and when you were sucking you were definitely not just receiving.
To build on those:
It seemed like this scene had a lot more "scene foreplay" to it on your side--in fact you were basically in scene before you jumped him. Trying to jump straight into scene as you often do can work, but it's harder to "jump start" than to warm up, and just like foreplay in totally vanilla sex that warmup can be the best part.
Giving or exchanging is much easier than just receiving--in fact, I can't just receive. I can't just like back, and allow oral stimulation of my penis to cause ejaculation. I have to wrap my legs around my partner, feel her tits rub against my thighs, push my hips towards her or tense my cock when something feels good. I have to be in the "state of fucking" even if she's "doing all the work".
Does it work well for you to receive head in a totally vanilla situation? If so, what's missing in scene that you need? Do you need to regard it as naughty not dirty? Do you need to push your hips against him or talk dirty? Now, what can you both do in a D/s situation to make it more like what works in a vanilla situation, or just plain better? Can you take pride in spreading and showing him your pussy, how pretty it is, how wet you are for him? Can you focus on it as a reward, that he's showing how well you served all day and all night by how well he sucks your clit? Show appreciation of his Mastery--or make eating you easier for him--by rubbing yourself against his face? Maybe a good service would be to have a pillow and towel handy to put under your hips to give him an easier angle but still keep the pillow dry for sleeping on?
Bottom line: sex is in the mind, not just the body, especially when you're not taking physical actions. It's harder! So you both have to do more to get it to work, either bringing in more of what makes it good in vanilla space or doing more to make it fit with service, and acceptable adult bedroom behavior.
Because even when it's D/s, it's still both parties' responsibility to make it meet both parties' needs.
(Sorry if I'm being preachy or intruding more than you'd like...)