I feel all of these. I look at my kids, my friends, my Beloved and am overwhelmed by how lucky I am.
Boy and I have had some very good days the last week or so. Spending time outside, going to a lacrosse game, walking, hitting the zoo. Sometimes I am sidelined and just watch him...but then he comes running back, reminding me how much he needs me. It melts my heart. We've also had a TERRIFIC week with potty training...DON'T JINX ME!!!
Last night, Beloved and I just cuddled in bed, our legs intertwined and quietly drifted into our own thoughts. It was rich and comforting. I have managed to secure a free afternoon/evening for us on Saturday. We might be headed to GD2 for their event...might just hang here at home. I know he cherishes me and loves me and sometimes we stumble over how exactly to express that in our busy lives.
I was also propositioned twice in an hour on OKC...always nice to be desired, but when the limited chat jumps immediately to s-e-x? *sigh*
I've also been doing a lot of overtime lately. Some of my friends have had really challenging times...hospitalizations, infidelity, financial struggles. It hurts to have so many people hurting and so little I can actually DO. It's also frustrating to see people make mistakes, some of them repeated offenses, and not get things straightened out faster. I visit, I counsel, I stretch, I'm thanked...but I wonder if I shouldn't be doing something else? Something more?
As is typical of me...when I start to feel stretched and inadequate, I look for something else I could do, perhaps more successfully? *smirks* Hence the wanderings to CL and OKC and perhaps the annoyance with the lack of substance. I wonder if Malifeo lived closer, what would happen...
And then I look up and see the basket of laundry waiting to be folded, the pick-up needing to be done, the unfinished grocery list. I hear the increasing volume of the children's voices, competing for my attention. I'm needed again.
If life is so full, so busy, why do I keep looking and what am I looking for?
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