Dizzying speeds

This summer is slipping past and I am barely comprehending all that is happening. A brief summary of the last three weeks:http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif

July 9th, ShadoKnight and I explored the Exxxotica Expo for an afternoon. My conclusion is that it really is for "straight, vanilla" types who want to spend a weekend being "extremely risque". *laughs* I don't think I even blushed much, but I did enjoy bantering with some of the vendors.

July 14th, the heat descended. This is the first year I can remember that being without air conditioning became an actual problem. For some ridiculous reason, people still *chose* to hang out at our place, but it was becoming real struggle to get through the day. The fact that the heat continued through the night was the final straw. We couldn't do it. My aunt and uncle lent us their home while they have been out of the country, so we have been off routine for about a week.

July 16th, Rain came back from Philly for two weeks. *smiles* She is a real Mary Poppins! She just makes the most extraordinary things happen. At the same time, she has been ALWAYS here, ALWAYS present. Beloved and I have shared the king bed for the last week. Beloved mentioned/complained that he's "lost connection" with me, and I think it is more that we just haven't had alone time in the last three weeks.

July 16th I also went out with Rabbit for the first time in a year. I don't know what will come of that. I suspect I know what SHE hopes to come of that, I just don't know if I am comfortable moving beyond the flirty teasing and delve into a realm I have little experience.

July 20th was the final class for the Presenters Skill Building Series with Sarah Sloane. That also meant it was presentation day for me. I had asked Sir for a lifestyle topic he would like to see me present on, and he immediately came back with "finding self-worth through service". Serious? In a 15 minute time-slot? *wry smile* He always offers a challenge. I spent nearly four weeks researching and reading articles, and then a week agonizing over making the presentation. The day before, I finally got a first draft paper written, and I was pretty happy with it...but it was much, much more than 15 minutes! *sigh* I tried to reframe it, but there just wasn't enough undistracted time. End result, I flubbed Understanding Service: an in-depth exploration of the motivations for service in D/s lifestyles. The group was fairly gentle with their critique in my opinion, but when I saw Beloved's text about "you'll do great", I burst into tears. I *knew* I could have done better, I *knew* I should have had it all done earlier, I *knew* that this was spiraling out of 15-minutes from the beginning. *soft sigh* I haven't given up or tossed the idea. In fact, I have smoothed out a second draft...

July 22nd was Girl's second birthday. I had originally planned quite a gala at our house on July 24th, but the heatwave refused to let up! We ended up cancelling the festivities and hiding in the AC through a thunderstorm. Grumpduh and Aunt B came out for cake and ice cream, but it was very low-key. While everyone had a good time visiting quietly, I feel it is just another disappointment.

In response to a joke last month, I offered her a mock-collar, and I was surprised at the cynical reactions from Beloved. I removed the collar immediately. While making Girl's birthday cake, I was challenged to stop her from eating marshmallows...which I did by threatening a spanking. It was a joke, but she very deliberately defied the directive, forcing the issue. I gave her the spanking and played with the Dommy-headspace a little, but now Rain has also taken it into her head to call me "Miss Pixie"...a vanilla-friendly version of "Mistress". I don't know what to do about this.

This summer has been full of challenges, and none of them have been in my control. Our first camping trip failed when Beloved's mom died suddenly. Our second trip failed due to a hail storm that closed down the campground. The video Beloved made of me and Shado turned out very hot, but exposed emotional experiences that have led to uncomfortable feelings. My service presentation. My daughter's birthday. The complete upheaval of our daily routine. Rain. It's all culminating in time flying past and I am not sure about my footing...