There is a dynamic and language is rarely good at capturing the depths and nuances.
When we think about D/s relationships, we are influenced, even trapped by the words we use and the images they invoke. In D/s, we usually think 'power exchange' rather than 'partnership'. If instead we consider service as the fundamental basis of a power exchange, the Dominant who receives service and the submissive who provides service are actually co-creators of value FOR the service in question, where the service is the application of skills and knowledge for the benefit of another party.
Someone offered definition of a submissive as one who has chosen to put the needs/wants/desires/wishes of her dominant ahead of her own.
I would edit that slightly.
For ME, a submissive is someone who accepts a role in which personal preferences are set aside to focus on the desire to fulfill the wants/desires/wishes of another. A submissive may wear a collar or sign a contract to signify the dedication to this desire. A submissive serves and submits to the will of another for a scene, an evening, a job, a year, a relationship. A Dominant may well be a submissive when catering to a client's demands or providing a flogging they really aren't interested in. A Dominate may take a submissive role to fulfill the wants/desires/wishes of another person. A submissive exists as a role that we can step in and out of. Outside of the time frame, the individual may or may not be submissive.
When someone is submissive, they have certain traits, personalities, habits that lean towards a sense of joy from service. Thus a masochist who submits to a sadist; a dedicated bootblack; a domestic who takes satisfaction from cleaning the house are all individuals who are submissive. Individuals who are submissive do this because they gain a sense of value and an understanding of self. Submission can also help to build social interaction, participation in the relationship, and expanding skills and knowledge in a particular area.
Thus, I am a submissive submissive, but I can be a dominate (aka, "alpha") submissive as well.
I accept the will of Beloved over my own in our relationship. My desires to please him come before my own preferences. I provide all sorts of services, freeing him from as much of the mundane household responsibilities as possible. I take joy, have a sense of value, and accept the challenge of improving myself in the places he asks.
Sometimes, however, I have to be pretty bossy in order to fulfill Beloved's (and others') needs. I will take ownership of unpleasant tasks. I will step in and provide guidance or organization for a project. I will insist on a doctor's appointment or that a break be taken to eat something. It might not look like a textbook version of D/s, but sometimes my service-submission is greatest when my actions look dominant.
