Shape of a Mother

There is a new website, theshapeofamother.com, that has become a sudden sensation. Chances are, you can't get into it because of the flood of traffic. What it amounts to is an act of defiance.

Everyone, EVERYONE is bombarded with these crazy notions of what "beauty" is. Men as well as women are bombarded with standards with every commercial, magazine, billboard, and movie we see. You know it's tough out there when fashion and beauty executives think that even a model's body isn't good enough to sell clothes or that a celebrity's natural face isn't up to par, even with makeup.

Now the truth is I've never been a tiny girl. Hell, even starvation diets only put me at 150lbs...which, btw, is STILL overweight for my height. If I'm literally starving myself and maintain a "medically-overweight" status, what hope is there for me?

This challenge is made all the worse for mothers because there are a rare few like Miranda Kerr who bounce back in 2 seconds and never have scar or flab to show they were ever pregnant. Those who aren't...? Well, naturally, they are lazy and ugly and have no self-control or self-respect.

Even without the weight, pregnancy changes a woman's body forever. Skeletal changes make it possible to tell how many pregnancies a woman had. There are the motherhood marks. You know, the stretch marks, deflated or saggy boobs, the soft belly. If you're a mother, chances are you are doomed by fashion standards.

Enters Bonnie Ratliff Crowder, a single homeschooling mom to two children. In 2006, she thought wouldn't it be great if moms submitted pictures of their real, un-airbrushed bodies to help support and encourage other moms coming to terms with their post-baby selves. How DARE she?! And yet, six years later...

*half smile* It's hard not to compare. I'm somewhat grateful that I haven't been able to visit the website. One of the authors who wrote about the site admitted that "I'm normally quite indifferent to my body, but I don't know if I'd have the courage to share my imperfections with the world." Here's my answer:

I am afraid...VERY afraid...

Someone showed me Pinterest. *deep breath* I haven't made an account...yet...MUST RESIST...

The process

*half smile* Little people and scheduling are taking priority, but I wanted to get this thought down while it's fresh. I am starting an online "Sacred Feminine Intensive", and the first video is about the process. Namaste talks about how so much of our existence is focused on finishing, on completing, on getting to the end. I try to remember and emphasis the journey, the process, but I am also often caught in "finishing" chores, cleaning, laundry, weeding. Lords and Ladies...you would think that I would know better at least about the weeding! None of this is something that is ever going to be FINISHED; it is a process. Relax and enjoy the process.

*deep breath* I might be in over my head.

When mushy becomes gushy

More than twenty years ago, I got violently sick after eating a stew with Bisquick dumplings. I *still* avoid Bisquick. The turn-off is incredibly strong and lasting.

Lately, I have realized that I don't do well with flirty-mushy exchanges. I feel like once in a while is manageable...I'll blush, stammer, and appreciate the attention. However. This is definitely one of those cases when too much of a good thing is BAD. Very, VERY bad.

Working hard...

Beloved brought a wheelbarrow back from Rain's house. In two hours, he and I have spread 4+ tons of gravel in the park-lot. Two piles (almost) down...two more to go...

*wry smile* Show me a skinny-mini who could do even half the work. My waist is slimming out more (Tamin-Lady said last night my body is screaming for corset-training), my arms are actually tanning, and my face is full of freckles. Of course, I'm still grumbling about the scale numbers going UP. Sometimes, it just doesn't seem fair.

Peter Pan, Red Bull, and Julia

But Peter, how do we get to Neverland?
Fly of course.
Fly?
It's easy...you think of a wonderful thought.
Any happy little thought?
Uh-huh.
Like toys at Christmas? Sleighbells? Snow?
Yep. Watch me now, here I go. It's easier than pie.





The challenge of my life is to find out how far I can take it.




(I am amused and excited that I figured out how to embed the video...unfortunately, I don't know how to stop the auto-play. Advice welcome...until that's fixed, accept my apologies for the music until I bury the entry. hahahaha)

I met Julia last Wednesday. She is a life coach who offered a freebie program that I really appreciated. The first slide in the PowerPoint presentation was:

80% of Americans polled do not feel passionate about their lives.
Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them. ~Henry David Thoreau
WHY NOT BE IN THE 20%?

One of Julia's posits was about stress. The human body evolved to react to stress in ways meant to warn us something was wrong and to protect us against threats from predators and other aggressors. Such threats are rare today, but that doesn't mean that life is free of stress.

On the contrary, I face multiple demands each day, such as shouldering a huge choreload, making ends meet, taking care of the family, or just making it through the morning routines. Because these all stress me out, my body treats these minor hassles as threats. As a result, I feel as if I am constantly under assault.

Perhaps all the underlying stress and anxiety is because I am not on the "right" path, and my body is screaming at me to PAY ATTENTION. There is a reason to engage and share passions: it feels good and decreases stress. It falls back into the concept that you can't give 100% if you aren't at 100%; that you MUST put self-care first if you want to care for anyone else. *wry smile* How many times do I need to have this hammered into my thick skull before I embrace it?

There are lots more bits that I am still simmering, but the program closed with three challenges:

• Daily happy thought
  
• Weekly passion activity
  
• Random acts of kindness

Starting with a happy thought was where the Peter Pan and Red Bull openings came from. How much is possible when we are inspired, passionate, happy? Originally I was going to say "forget Red Bull" as a tease about the wings commercials, but the video excited me. I want to know how far I can go!

My happy today is that I am on the verge of a break-though. I can FEEL it. I'm not sure what it IS yet...but I can feel it! I'm hopeful!

Bullets

I really *should* be starting dinner, but I needed to sit down for a few minutes...might as well multi-task the break, eh?

• Last night I attended a program with a life coach that I really enjoyed. It is very interesting that a lot of the questions I posed in Tuesday's post were duplicated in the presentation. I think I have some answers, too, but that is definitely a longer post!
  
• Today was the Earth Day field trip at Boy's school, so we spent the better part of the day tramping around the marsh, playing with cattails and milk vetch pods, and terrifying baby painted turtles. (Seriously, these guys were maybe the size of a silver dollar!)
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  (Yes, I'm aware of the salmonella issue and we tried to limit the kids actually TOUCHING them. Hand sanitizer was used liberally before lunch.)
  
  
• I dug out MORE grass in the front yard and now have a dry "stream" that winds through the garden, from the downspout to the sidewalk. *grins* It is my compromise to an actual water feature, and the illusion is further supported by the little bridge it runs under. This is the view from above...
  
  
• Beloved hasn't killed me for the REST of the 14 tons of gravel that was delivered to the back. *sigh* I've been wanting and threatening to re-gravel the parking lot space for more than a year. Now I have the work of spreading it. Serves me right. (But I STILL believe it needed doing...even if *I* am the one doing...)
  
• I got my hair cut! First real cut in almost three years. I don't have pictures yet...I haven't decided if I'm happy with it or not. It's layered with a side-part and bangs. I'll probably get pictures up tomorrow...maybe.
  
• Tomorrow is the school's first CAMPOUT...as in sleeping in tents. The school owns 6 acres, so the few brave families are going to set up tents and do smores with the kids, hopefully get some sleep. Boy has volunteered Beloved to help with the pancake breakfast before campus clean-up on Saturday morning.
  

So...yeah...busy, busy, busy. And I've spent way too much time monkeying with the photos. Ha! Well, I figure something out for supper that's QUICK!

Hungry

More than a week after watching The Hunger Games movie...I remain struck on the parody presented; the American society paying to watch the Capitol watch the morbid Games and deconstruction of the human psyche. I am disturbed that we sit in comfort as this plays out for real halfway around the world. The movie remains common in discussions as people get a chance to see it.

And for all of my unease, I just finished reading the book. I am more satisfied with the story than the movie...I can identify with the struggles with being the cause of death and love, of raging at the unfairness and the helplessness. I still ache that this is all too real; confused by the love and expectation and admiration of many; I am doing what I need to to survive.

I excuse myself to change out of my dress and into a plain shirt and pants. As I slowly, thoroughly wash the makeup from my face and put my hair in its braid, I begin transforming back into myself...I stare in the mirror a I try to remember who I am and who I am not...we were strangers...I did what it took to stay alive, to keep us both alive...that I can't explain...because I don't know myself. That it's no good loving me because I'll never be able to afford the kind of love that leads to marriage, a family, to children?

There's a rub there...I remember feeling that way. I remember the little girl who was going to be a truck driver and drive back and forth across the country with no one else by my cat. I was going to invest my life in a sterile laboratory and spend my days searching for genetic answers to cancer. I was never going to get married, and never, EVER have kids...

Yet here I am...wife and stay-at-home mother.

Oh Katniss...I'm sure in the books, her rebellion and symbology are taken up and DO change her world, because it is fiction. In real life...in real life, she'll be fought over by the two boys who love her and have won her respect and gratitude, marry one of them, have kids, and watch as their names are entered into the fish bowls. That she will learn complaisance.

com·plai·sance (km-plsns, -zns)

• the inclination to comply willingly with the wishes of others; amiability


• deference to the wishes of others


• the quality or state of being agreeable, gracious, considerate


• a disposition or tendency to yield to the will of others

Sometimes it is hard to remember what it is I am supposed to be learning. Sometimes I question if complaisance is correct; the other day Beloved said that learning to say NO and mean is good for me. Sometimes I wonder if it is simply that there are two very individual and very intelligent children who have claimed Über titles in my life.

I recognize how torn I am...Doesn't everyone have dreams that are largely fictional and don't balance well with the demands of what passes for real life? But sometimes individuals overturn the odds, change their life, step out of the rat race and inspire others to at least question the game.

In the movie, as the train pulls into District Twelve, Katniss says, “I guess we go home and try to forget.” In the second book, she says, "If it were up to me, I would try to forget the Hunger Games entirely. Never speak of them. Pretend they were nothing but a bad dream."

The pain there is immense. Having survived, the keen desire is just to be "normal," as if that has ever been an option. Simply being able to survive makes it impossible to blend in. Believe me, I have tried since kindergarten and I was tossed in therapy by the time I was in fourth grade. I always stand out, and I am exhausted with the unbalance. I long for my beach or my woods to disappear to when the going gets tough. But there is no real escape, is there? I have to play the game.

Conscious or unconscious, I have been gleening, pruning, simplifying, emptying. I have been clearing space. I have been taking small tastes from possibilities; a class, working out, my branding plans. I am not sure what I am preparing for, but Beloved expressed excitement that it is something big. I remain largely confused and questioning.

What is it about my life that is quite so exhausting?
What can I change?
What is happiness, as *I* define it?
What inspires passion in me?
What do I have to lose?
What do I dare to win?

No more BUTts!

If you have to say: “This is probably none of my business, but..” then it is not, in fact, any of your business.
If you have to say: “I don’t mean to criticize, but…” then are you, in fact, criticizing, and you absolutely mean to.
If you have to say: “No offense, but…” then it is, in fact, offensive, and you know it.

I am going to echo Kaya here, because I feel very much the say way. Please don't BUTt into my life! It's annoying and lately I am easily annoyed.

Irony and munchies

Yesterday was a roller coaster. It stared out not so high and dragged me through the lows early. Unfortunately, Shado made himself a target. His claim that he "completely get[s] it" just infuriated me and I laid into him. The close of the argument was that he is going to give me space until I go looking. *sigh* I don't know if he is aware of how horribly burned out I am and how long it might be until I am craving company over alone time. I feel like a selfish bitch, and yet I am so relieved to be left alone.

I was chewing on the "selfish bitch" title when Beloved texted me about my grumpeous mood.

Perhaps you should take a moment out and read some of your own blog today. It can be quite uplifting and I get the impression you could use it.

Definitely some irony there...

I have been pretty grumpy, bitter, callous, and cynical lately. I have been trying...stretching...to break out of this negative rut. Using this blog is one of those tools that allows me to prod myself and really deliberately look for the better vantage point. It was amusing and ironic to be reminded to look at my own words. I appreciate the reminder and at the same time seethe with annoyance. Sometimes I am too stubborn for my own good...this is one of those times. Damn it, I've got my grump on! And I'm gonna grump until I'm done grumping!

Sir was also tease-y about my grump. He calmly told me that I was "being scowled at, grumpy." I responded that his scowls made me happy...totally a Happy Bunny moment, and I did manage a smile.

SSQ and Rain gave me an escape, and we went to the local munch. REALLY glad I went...I was laughing and lighthearted and enjoyed hanging out. It helped that I was sitting across from a cool couple...I friended them on Fet, so maybe maybe there are new people to hang out with.

I also got RiverVixen's phone number...last fall she said I could get some plants from her, but ONLY if I took some ferns, too. Oh, geeeee...twist my arm, why dontcha?! So...I'm hopeful about new freebies for the yard.

The ride home with Rain brought me back to a low point. The theme has been my lamenting my dispassion with motherhood, and others trying to make it easier by telling me how great the kids are, how much they love me, how I do a good job. *sigh* It is hard to explain that while I know I love my id, I really feel like a monster for not liking the stay-at-home gig; that I'm afraid to accept a day, a week, a month "free" because I don't want that time to end and realize it wasn't enough; that I don't think I would ever truly miss my present station as Mom.

*sigh* yeah. Tough.

healthy LIFEstyle

I am quickly coming to the conclusion that being "healthy" takes a hellva lot of time! Jeez. Today, I had physical therapy for and hour and a half, spent about 2 hours at the gym, and plan to spend another hour on a nutrition class tonight. If you add in driving time, I will have spent nearly 7 hours on "health". And yet, I'm still (technically speaking) overweight and out of shape.

When does it get easier???

Good-bye Moon?

I was talking with a friend who did the NovaSure procedure 18 months ago and couldn't be happier with the results. I had to see my gynecologist this morning because of the HPV, so I asked her about it.

I had tubal ligation when Girl was born and Beloved did a vasectomy, so we are DONE having babies. Since getting off birth control pills in 2006, I've dealt with menorrhagia (heavy and long periods with a very short cycle). The doctor said that the combination makes me an ideal candidate.

The possibility of not having moontimes is awesome, but even if the only result was I didn't end up borderline anemic every month would be worth it. No, it's not my imagination... I have been rejected as a blood donor because my iron was too low. I realize there is a small fantasy, but recovering my energy levels to what I used to have would be fabulous.

Use words!

Typically, when someone asks, “How are you?” you reply, “I’m okay" or “I’m fine.”

I believe I have mentioned my thoughts on F.I.N.E. Being "fine" is a code between me and Beloved, and it really translates to being

Fucked up,
Insecure,
Neurotic, and
Emotional

It's a good code. I mean, how often do you hear someone angrily or sarcastically say, "Oh, yeah, I'm just fine!"

On top of my own idiocracy, there is more random web-wanderings that I have chosen to inflict on you. There are 171,476 words in the Second Edition of the 20-volume Oxford English Dictionary, and yet the average American knows only about 60,000. That means people don't use three-quarters of the words in the dictionary! That is insane!

Worse though, studies have found that people who are prompted to convey emotion tend to be negative. This and the dystopias I mentioned on Saturday have got me thinking. How much of our attitude is based on the words that we use? What would happen if we all tried to use language that was skewed to be positive? How might the emotional charge of a language correlate with cultural norms and social features?

So, I have a new challenge. It is vaguely inspired by Girl, because we are constantly encouraging her to "use words". It is partly born out of harder conversation with Beloved over our date night. It is a "fake it 'til you make it" thought that if the attitude changes, perhaps the outlook will improve.

Use words that encourage happiness.

happy, alive, fabulous, ecstatic, inspired, marvelous, content, terrific, amazing, exuberant, relaxed, tickled, merry, wonderful, beautiful, euphoric, lighthearted, vivacious, heavenly, awesome, magnificent, fortunate, blessed, glad, thrilled

Help me out here...what else?

The challenge is not only use the words...MEAN THEM. I'm pretty sure that EVERY DAY I can find some reason to be happy. Care to try this challenge out with me?

Happy Ostara and Passover and Easter!

I figure that most of readers know the Jewish and Christian celebrations for this holiday...the escape of the Israelites from Egyptian slavery and the resurrection of Jesus Christ...but there are always little details that escape us. Did you know:

* Christians recognize Passover as a holy day? Maundy Thursday commemorates the Last Supper of Jesus Christ with the Apostles, and that last meal together was celebrating Passover (remember, Jesus was a Jew). According to John 13:34, Jesus said "Mandatum novum do vobis ut diligatis invicem sicut dilexi vos" ("A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you"), which is where Maundy Thursday comes from. This last meal is also the basis for the sharing of the "Body and Blood" in communion.

* When the second-century Christian missionaries encountered the Anglo-Saxon tribes of the north, they realized it would have been suicide to disavow the pagan celebrations. Instead, the missionaries spread their religious message slowly throughout the populations by allowing them to continue to celebrate pagan feasts, but with Christian observance. Ostara overlaps with the Resurrection of Christ, and the missionaries altered the festival itself, to making it a Christian celebration as converts were slowly won over.

* The date of Easter is a fixed thing, it just isn't a fixed date. I've wondered why the holiday moves so drastically (Easter is early or late this year). It turns out that in 325 AD, the Council of Nicaea was convened by Emperor Constantine. They announced the date of Easter is the first Sunday after the full moon (the Paschal Full Moon) following the northern hemisphere's vernal equinox (although even that isn't followed precisely...If the Equinox falls on March 20th, things get confused again). This allowed missionaries to officially cite connections to the pagan celestial celebrations. Anyhow, by this reckoning, celebration of Easter varies between April 4 and May 8 on the Gregorian calendar.

* The Easter Bunny is a tie-back of pre-Christian fertility lore. The Hare and the Rabbit were the most fertile animals known and they served as symbols of the new life during the spring season. The Easter Bunny shows up in German writings in the 1500s. The first edible Easter bunnies were pastry and sugar made in Germany during the early 1800s. The Easter bunny was introduced to American folklore by the German settlers who arrived in the Pennsylvania Dutch country during the 1700s. The arrival of the "Oschter Haws" was considered "childhood's greatest pleasure" next to a visit from Christ-Kindel on Christmas Eve.

* Another pre-Christian legacy is the colored eggs. From the earliest times, the egg was a symbol of rebirth in most cultures. In the Dutch tradition, eggs were wrapped in gold leaf. Peasants, lacking such luxury, would colored their eggs by boiling them with the leaves or petals of certain flowers.

* Easter by its self was not widely celebrated in America until after the Civil War. By that time, the cultural bits about hares and eggs got strung together in the American melting pot: a white hare would leave brightly colored eggs and baskets of chocolates, candy chicks, jelly beans and other gifts for all good children on Easter morning.

And now you know... I hope you enjoy your goodies!

Two dystopias in two days

Perhaps it was an odd way to celebrate our anniversary, but Beloved and I invested our date time into a pair of dystopias. Beloved and I saw Hunger Games and then attended a play, Rise of the Numberless. It was very interesting to have such very different visions contrasted in such a short time.

Hunger Games left me cranky and irritated. I did not much care for the movie, although I think they did a very good job of translating it from a book (unlike the Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings, where they tried to cram every last detail in). I dunno...I guess I was hoping for something more at the end. It IS a trilogy, so I suppose I need to be patient (or perhaps get my hands on the books and some free time).

Rise of the Numberless was a performance in a teenie tiny arthouse theater. Seriously, the entire room, including tickets, stage, seating, and music, was smaller than my first floor. The audience was matched by the number of performers involved. The story was presented in such a way that the audience was a part of the setting, rather than watching it. I left the play feeling more energized, although I didn't think they did a great job of presenting it. Beloved and I have hashed out several ideas we would push if WE were in charge...

Other than that, Rain, bless her, took child-watch for an overnight. Beloved and I got a chintzy hotel in the Gold Coast and played board games until after midnight, slept in until 9am, showered, and played more board games while munching on SSQ's delicious scones and lemon curd. Seriously, it was a pretty awesome way to spend our anniversary celebration!

Five Favorite Song Lyrics

Guess what?! This makes ***30*** posts! I'm only six days over. hahaha. Maybe I'll find another challenge and continue to torture you. I'll think about it. In the meantime, favorite song lyrics... I appreciate that including the lyrics makes this post really long, but I hope you will at least read the bit about WHY I like each of these.


Out on the Mira
Beloved learned this song in his high school Choraliers, and he has sung it as a lullaby for me since we were dating. Perhaps the most tender sharing of the song was when we were in labor with Boy and had been transferred to the hospital at 30+ hours. He fell asleep with the words on his lips, holding my hand. We both sing it regularly to the kids.

Out on the Mira on warm afternoons
Old men go fishing with black line and spoons,
And if they catch nothing they never complain,
And I wish I was with them again.

chorus: Can you imagine a piece of the universe
More fit for princes and Kings
I'll trade you ten of your cities For Marion Bridge
And the pleasure it brings

As boys in the boats call to girls on the shore,
Teasing the ones that they dearly adore
And into the evening the courting begins,
And I wish I was with them again
chorus
Out on the Mira on soft summer nights
Bonfires blaze to the children's delight
They dance round the flames singing songs with their friends,
And I wish I was with them again.
chorus
And over the ashes the stories are told
Of witches and werewolves and Oak Island gold.
Stars on the riverface sparkle and spin.
I wish I was with them again
chorus
Out on the Mira, the people are kind -
They'll treat you to homebrew, and help you unwind.
And if you come broken they'll see that you mend
I wish I was with them again
chorus
Now I'll conclude with a wish you go well.
Sweet be your dreams, and your happiness swell.
I'll leave you here for my journey begins,
I'm going to be with them again.


Cruel Crazy Beautiful World
Perhaps there is a tie because of my "Uncle Mafa", but Johnny Clegg is Le Zoulou Blanc, "The White Zulu," who became an important figure in South African popular music history at a time when bridging the cultural gap was to take your life in your own hands. I admire the courage, the rawness of the songs. I love the ethnic flavors (and am amused when Beloved teases me about my non-English bands, since I also enjoy Lady Blacksmith Mambazo and Tjapukai). This particular song echoes in my heart. The lyrics are here, but to appreciate the energy of the song, please listen to it.

You got to wash with the crocodile in the river
You got to swim with the sharks in the sea
You got to live with the crooked politician
Trush those things that you can never see
Ayeye ayeye jesse mfana (jesse boy) ayeye ayeye (x2)

You got to trust your lover when you go away,
Keep on believeing tomorrow brings a better day.
Sometimes you smile while you'r cryin' inside,
Just once you'll turn away while the truth be shinin' bright.
Ayeye ayeye jesse mfana ayeye ayeye (x2)

Chorus:
It's a cruel crazy beautiful world
Every (day first and third chorus)(time second Chorus) you wake up I hope it's under a blue sky.
It's a cruel crazy beautiful world
One day when you wake up I will have to say goodbye
Say goodbye -- It's your world so live in it! Goodbye

(first-third chorus only)
It's your world so live in it!(x11)

Beyond the door, strange cruel beautiful years are waiting for you
It kills me to know you won't escape loneliness,
Maybe you lose hope too
Ayeye ayeye jesse mfana ayeye ayeye (x2)

Chorus

When I hold your small body close to mine
I feel weak and strong at the same time
So few years to give you wings to fly
Show you stars to guide your ship by

Chorus

It's your world so live in it


I hope you dance
I don't remember when I first heard this song by Lee Ann Womack, but every time I do hear it, tears spring to my eyes and I always think of my mom in the lyrics. I can hear her nudging me, encouraging me. Dance.

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin' might mean takin' chances, but they're worth takin'
Lovin' might be a mistake, but it's worth makin'
Don't let some Hellbent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to sellin' out, reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along)
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder, where those years have gone?)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

Dance
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along)
I hope you dance
I hope you dance



Wear Sunscreen
Besides the advice being all things that each and every one of us would do well to adopt, I love the story behind this song. The song version was released by Baz Luhrmann in 1999, but is was originally written Mary Schmich and published in the Chicago Tribune. In her introduction to the column, she described it as the commencement speech she would give if she were asked to give one. The post went viral and was attributed to Kurt Vonnegut and the MIT commencement, losing the original author. (Incidentally, the column was well-received by Vonnegut. Months after the snafu, he told the New York Times, "What she wrote was funny, wise and charming, so I would have been proud had the words been mine.")

Luhrmann and company decided to use it but were doubtful of getting through to Vonnegut for permission before their deadline, which was only one or two days away. While searching the internet for contact information they came upon the "Sunscreen Controversy" and discovered that Schmich was the actual author. They emailed her and, with her permission, recorded the song the next day.

As a child, Schmich had dreamed of being a song writer. Fate may take an alternate route, but sometimes dreams really do come true!

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '97,

Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis or reliable then my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice....now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, nevermind, you won't understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded, but trust me in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future, or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.

The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind: the kind that blindsides you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts; don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive; forget the insults. (if you succeed in doing this, tell me how).

Keep your old love letters; throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives; some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of Calcium. Be kind to your knees -- you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40; maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.

Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body: use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it; it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance...even if you have no where to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions (even if you don't follow them).

Do not read beauty magazines; they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents; you never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings: they're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but what a precious few should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps and geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.

Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old; and when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse, but you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you are 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia;dispensing it is a way of wishing the past from the disposal--wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts, and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me, I'm the sunscreen.


I'm Getting My Act Together And Taking It On The Road
Written by Gretchen Cryer with music by Nancy Ford, this is actually a 1978 Off Broadway musical. I grew up listening to it on my parents tape deck and it contains a number of songs that I have often referenced. The need to be free, to buck expectations, to be a strong woman in spite of the odds, to celebrate who you ARE, and to rejoice with people who will celebrate with you...These are powerful messages told through a painfully familiar story. I don't know a woman who can't identify with some part of this musical. Unfortunately, I'm cheating here...I'm not going to give you all the lyrics of all the songs. You have a link...if you really wanna know, you'll find it.

Five Biggest Guilty Pleasures

Ah...the things that I indulge in even when they aren't sound-thinking. The things that bring a wry smile to my lips, a blush to my cheeks when I'm caught doing them. Only five? *laughs*

fiction novels
Initially, I wrote "romance novels" but that isn't exactly true. The only ROMANCE author I seek out is Laverne Spencer, while there are several fiction writers who I thoroughly enjoy. Starhawk wrote my all-time favorite book, Fifth Sacred Thing. Jodi Picoult, whose books often have deep themes and ethically challenging situations. Sarah Addison Allen writes with an undertone of magic in everyday life. Charles DeLint pens urban fairytale stories. Mercedes Lackey is complete fantasy. C.S. Friedman offers several science-fiction titles. Jean Auel *used* to enthrall me and I still recommend and re-read her first three books. Truthfully, I love BOOKS, period. There's a reason we have three WALLS of books in the den...most of them are mine!

ice cream
Unless it is Butter Pecan, ice cream just isn't safe around me. It isn't that I *have to have it*, but once I start, it's hard to stop at just a little. I love finding specialty ice creams stores, too. That's an extra special guilty pleasure!

holiday decor
I am no Martha Stewart, but I have a soft spot for decorating for the holidays...ANY holiday. Beloved indulges me, but I have bins and collections and actively fight the "after-holiday" decor clearance signs. I'm not often successful...The attic is proof of that!

clothes
On the one hand, I take pride in my thrifting. I save a ton of money that way, do good things for the environment, avoid supporting the corporate insanity, yadda yadda yadda. On the other hand, I have WAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY too many clothes. Without worrying about underware or favorites, I probably could go a month...maybe two?...without doing laundry. It's a little ridiculous. I think it mostly is because I like thrifting, but...well, I like playing dress-up, too.

school
Does this count, I wonder? I'm not a fan of homework...unless it's a research paper or something of the like...but academia is definitely a guilty pleasure! If I could be a forever-student, I would. I love the challenge, love the explorations, love the supplies, love the change. I have mentioned that I have multiple degrees and certificates. I am always finding classes I would like to take, if I had the time/money.

Sacred

By light and darkness, by spark and flame, with warmth and passion and comfort, by my life and with my love for you, I take you in the Sacred Marriage. I pledge to you my heart, my body, my life and my spirit. I will be to you as the sun is to the earth. I will be the husband of your home, the friend of your heart, and the companion in your life.

By spring and winter, by seed and tree, with strength and growth and serenity, by my life and my love for you, I take you in the Sacred Marriage. I pledge to you my heart, my body, my life, and my spirit. I will be to you as the moon to the stars. I will be the wife of your home, the friend of your heart, and the companion in your life.

Always and forever



Vows exchanged in 1996 ring ever true. Beloved, you are my always and forever. Thank you for all that you have made possible in my life. Happy anniversary!

Five Favorite TV Shows

Mind you, I don't really watch television any more. First, we don't have it hooked up...I have access to NetFlix, YouTube, Hulu, etc, but I don't watch whatever the current craze is. If it really strikes a fancy, I will eventually order it...once it's available...

That said, the shows I have gotten totally hooked on include:

StarTrek: Next Generation
FireFly
Law & Order
ForeverKnight
Better Off Ted

busy day...

11:30 am...I have answered several personal e-mails that have been hanging over my head, painted a wall in the kitchen, gotten Girl bathed, run the dishwasher, put in a load of laundry, and started fresh bread for supper. I'm still aiming to clean the bathrooms and get a little more garden work in before picking Boy up from school...

As Beloved said, "it's like you save up all your initiative for a burst...then you change the world."

Five Most Annoying Things About Yourself

Ha! Things that *I* find annoying about myself? Or that others likely find most annoying? I bet they overlap quite a bit. I'm most annoyed that I am:

quite so stubborn
Life would be much easier if I didn't have an enduring stubborn streak. As it is, I will pick a path and (mule-headedly) stick to it. Sometimes this gets in the way of a thing I actually want because I'm not getting it on MY terms in MY way. While some have said I have a submissive heart, I doubt I could ever be a slave. *shrugs* Just as well, since Beloved would find a slave even MORE annoying than a pixie!

practical
Beloved and I took a ceramics class together in college. He did all kinds of interesting things with the assignments...twisted gobblets, a dragon teapot (tea poured out of the ear), Death on a motorcycle (18" high and realistic details!). Me? Hand-building was a disaster and the instructor commented that he had never seen a first-time student who could make the exact same bowl over and over and over and over... *chuckles* There isn't much "artist" in me and I am overly practical in my approach to just about everything. Sometimes I wish I could drop it and just be fanciful once in a while. It was easier when I was a kid...

generally pessimistic
Blame it on dysthymia or personality or the weather, but I am more likely to spot the things that are imperfect, bad, disappointing, etc. Especially with my children, this is perhaps more damaging than simply annoying. I have to actively work on seeing the good things and I am trying to re-train myself. Beloved is an amazing inspiration in this department!

curious
Gods save me from myself! It is almost irrelevant what the topic is, I am drawn to dig into a topic and get lost in the stream of interesting details. I start looking for a recipe and end up trying to find the history of heirloom tomatoes. Searching for pictures for a vision board, I stumble on an article about computer chips and lose an hour reading. There are piles of magazines, bookmarks galore, and post-it notes of things I "will get back to". I also poke at other people more than I should, which can lead to stained relationships.

a borderline perfectionist
Too often, I cripple myself because I can't do "it" perfectly. Weightloss, organizing, gardening, cleaning, future planning, blogging. I don't want to commit because I'm afraid I won't be perfect at it or I won't be satisfied with what I accomplish. Over this weekend, I saw a fantastic quote from Steve Jobs that I want to embrace and fly with:

Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

Five Most Useful Inventions

Wow...this one is a little boring.

agriculture
Neolithic populations gained control over food supply, allowing them to settle down and begin the real work of inventing. While settlements might have cost humans in health for millenia, we eventually learned all kinds of hygiene and health lessons. Some, we are STILL learning.

writing
Writing is something we, in the computer age, take for granted. What incredible imagination was involved in creating written language so that information could be preserved? Even more, things like the Rosetta Stone demonstrate forward thinking in multilingual translations in 196 BCE.

germ theory
It wasn't until the 1800s that we realized that most communicable diseases were caused by "invisible" germs. The simple steps of hand washing cut down significantly on the mortality rates. Who'd have thought that soap and water would do more than just make you smell better?!

climate control
I am thinking about the ability to create and preserve habitable environments, such as in a submarine, airplane, or space lab. We even have individual environments, such as scuba suits or space suits. Figuring out how to create moveable human environment has enabled us to explore "where no one has gone before," from the depths of Earth's oceans to the surface of the moon...and someday, beyond.

Internet
Maybe cliché, but I think the Internet is comparable to the printing press. It is an incredible tool that has enabled billions of people access to information, from news and science to entertainment and social outlets. This is one of those inventions that is truly changing the world as we know it. Neuropsychology postulates that such changes are in fact re-wiring how the human brain processes information. You've probably noticed that you don't remember phone numbers, partly because you don't have to. It isn't because you're going senile; you simply don't use that part of the brain as much anymore. It is likely that we will literally not understand how the next generation thinks...their brain patterns will be so very different from those common today. A lot of that is because of technological advances and global information sharing.

Five Products You Most Desire

*chuckles* The fact that it is products is not lost on me. This is my chance to reveal my inner Material Girl, eh? geez. Okay. Individual THINGS I would like to own include:

Toyota Prius
This is my non-house desire. I'd like a hybrid for a whole lotta reasons, but I've actually driven the Prius. I like the roomy, hatchback options for hauling STUFF. I like the gas milage. I like the status attached to the Prius. *shrug* If I could, it's probably the car I'd buy next.

iPad 3
Do I get geek points for knowing that it was released in the US markets just sixteen days ago? *sigh* I've played a little bit with others' iPads, and okay, I'll admit, they seem pretty dang cool...

an air bed
I am not real happy with my mattress right now and neither is Beloved. Shado loves the sleep number, and while I'm not 100% sold on his bed, there is a certain interest in trying my own air mattress out.

mulch
This might seem like a silly desire, but I want about 10 yards of mulch for my garden. Enough to put a 3" layer in ALL my plant plots and (mostly) eliminate weeding.

crushed limestone
Another oddball, but desired for the car park in the back of the house and much for the same reason. It is a little annoying to have to mow the area every week in the summer and deal with the ice and puddles in the winter.



I don't know how much individual "products" these are, but my major house desires include...

basement rec room
Last year, we retreated from the heat by abandoning the house. Beloved and I are trying to imagine what we need to do to move into the 1000 square foot basement this summer. If you have ever walked through IKEA showrooms, it would seem very doable. If only it really WAS that simple!



authentic wood siding and windows for my Victorian
Beloved and I have lived here for seven years now, and it is getting to the point that we are the shabbiest house on the block. Peeling paint and rotten window sills are among the worst of the crimes. We have gotten quotes for painting the current asbestos siding (starting at $15,000) and if I have a choice, I would LOVE to restore the house to it's original glory. A mere year's salary would probably do it...

flooring on the first floor
I *hate* the vinyl stick-on tiles in the kitchen and foyer. They were poorly installed eight years ago, and now just look like hell with nail-heads pushing though in places. Washing the floor is a chore because it is so scratched and stained and never looks GOOD. I also would love to lose the carpet in the dining room and refinish the original wood floor in there. A much lesser grumble is the carpet in the Great Room; it has spots, but it still cleans up pretty well.

living room furniture
When I bought the furniture for our first apartment, I was super-excited about the set I got. I still love the heavy wood, but the cushions desperately need to be replaced. Lately, I've daydreamed about new furniture almost as much as I have new flooring...