So the doctors thought me and Girl were going well enough they sent us HOME! Only a 48 hour hospital stay! Woot! I'm very sore and achy, but it will be a relief to not be interrupted 3-4 times in the middle of the night.
So far, Boy is completely enchanted. When we came in the door, the immediate question was "Where's Baby Girl?" I got an "Oh, hi Momma..." *chuckles* Later the afternoon, we had Girl in the bouncy seat and she started to cry...and Boy started singing to her. Made me go all squishy inside!
I have pictures on the camera, but I need the other computer to get them resized and all. Hopefully by the end of the weekend...
Friday, July 24, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Baby news
Today at 10:37, a baby girl has joined our family. At 8 pounds 6 ounces and 20 inches, she is as angry as they come about being so rudely woken up but we couldn't be more happy. Pixie is in recovery now and is coming along perfectly. We hope to have pictures and more news soon.
Thank you all for your love and support,
Proud Papa Beloved
Thank you all for your love and support,
Proud Papa Beloved
Monday, July 20, 2009
Forty-three hours...
The very last bit of the home stretch...Baby has (stubbornly) decided to stick it out with me, so we are looking at heading to the hospital first thing Wednesday morning. I've been trying to catch up on all those silly chores...got the oil changed in the car, laundry laundry laundry, final grocery shop that *I* will do in a few weeks...
I'm trying not to stress out...although we had a c-section with Boy, it was an emergency, so there wasn't much to THINK about. This time, I've had to meet with an anesthiologist and get blood tests and make choices about this, that, or the other.
I know I've been taking you on a rollercoaster ride with my moods swings, too. Sorry 'bout that...look on the bright side...at least you know I'm real! :-P
I don't know if I'll be posting again before Baby is delivered, but maybe I'll talk Beloved into making an update for me when we have something exciting to say.
I'm trying not to stress out...although we had a c-section with Boy, it was an emergency, so there wasn't much to THINK about. This time, I've had to meet with an anesthiologist and get blood tests and make choices about this, that, or the other.
I know I've been taking you on a rollercoaster ride with my moods swings, too. Sorry 'bout that...look on the bright side...at least you know I'm real! :-P
I don't know if I'll be posting again before Baby is delivered, but maybe I'll talk Beloved into making an update for me when we have something exciting to say.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
"anything you desire..."
I kind of hate those three words. They aren't real, and worse, they make me feel guilty...which I'm good at doing anyway...
I'm staring at the Great Room and loathing the need for pickup. I know I haven't wiped down the stove and counter in the kitchen, and there are now three loads of clean laundry waiting to be folded. I'm feeling guilty for having sat on the couch and read 100 pages of my book instead of dealing with any of these small chores, and there's the hot pressure of resentful tears behind my eyes.
Damn it, I did a good job today!
I ran laundry. I managed to get Boy and myself out of the house for several hours. We went to the park and then stopped by a couple of garage sales before going to the store and the doctor's office. I made FIVE different dinners so that there is a stockpile in the freezer now AND cleaned up all of the dishes. For the first time in a week, Beloved came home to a child who was well-rested and happy.
but it's not enough, cause I'm sitting here guilty and crying because I don't want to do more. I'm tired, I hurt, I'm sick of being pregnant, and so very sick of feeling like all I ever do is complain.
I even started collecting the crayons and located the missing playdoh container for the last lump Boy left out this evening, grumbling to myself about it all. The question flashed through my head...what WOULD make me happy right now? Really...? If I could have anything I desired...
The simple answer was "clean house, massage, cuddles, not hurting anymore"...but Beloved got me a cleaning service, gave me a rubdown and cuddles last night, and I turned down the doctor's offer of Tylenol-3...
I just want to scream! I feel so horribly selfish and useless and angry and resentful for no specific reason...just in general...
If I could have anything I desired, it would be a magical combination of absolution of guilt and permission to allow myself to be happy. Unfortunately, no one can give that to me except me...and I don't know how to let go.
I'm staring at the Great Room and loathing the need for pickup. I know I haven't wiped down the stove and counter in the kitchen, and there are now three loads of clean laundry waiting to be folded. I'm feeling guilty for having sat on the couch and read 100 pages of my book instead of dealing with any of these small chores, and there's the hot pressure of resentful tears behind my eyes.
Damn it, I did a good job today!
I ran laundry. I managed to get Boy and myself out of the house for several hours. We went to the park and then stopped by a couple of garage sales before going to the store and the doctor's office. I made FIVE different dinners so that there is a stockpile in the freezer now AND cleaned up all of the dishes. For the first time in a week, Beloved came home to a child who was well-rested and happy.
but it's not enough, cause I'm sitting here guilty and crying because I don't want to do more. I'm tired, I hurt, I'm sick of being pregnant, and so very sick of feeling like all I ever do is complain.
I even started collecting the crayons and located the missing playdoh container for the last lump Boy left out this evening, grumbling to myself about it all. The question flashed through my head...what WOULD make me happy right now? Really...? If I could have anything I desired...
The simple answer was "clean house, massage, cuddles, not hurting anymore"...but Beloved got me a cleaning service, gave me a rubdown and cuddles last night, and I turned down the doctor's offer of Tylenol-3...
I just want to scream! I feel so horribly selfish and useless and angry and resentful for no specific reason...just in general...
If I could have anything I desired, it would be a magical combination of absolution of guilt and permission to allow myself to be happy. Unfortunately, no one can give that to me except me...and I don't know how to let go.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
The more things change...
So Beloved and I have agreed, and Danaeris is going to be moving in with us. Details are a little fuzzy on exactly when, but it will probably be mid-August. There's a bit more work to do on the room for that to happen, but somehow it will all get done.
HIS worry is that she is female, and we have not yet had a good roommate relationship with a woman (outside the dorms, which really...there were 40-50 people, so it doesn't count). MY worry is she is clueless about what it's going to be like living with two small children.
I guess we'll find out together, eh?
Other than that, I don't have much to report. I'm dreadfully complainy about the fact that I'm STILL pregnant, but there are only 133.5 hours to go...
HIS worry is that she is female, and we have not yet had a good roommate relationship with a woman (outside the dorms, which really...there were 40-50 people, so it doesn't count). MY worry is she is clueless about what it's going to be like living with two small children.
I guess we'll find out together, eh?
Other than that, I don't have much to report. I'm dreadfully complainy about the fact that I'm STILL pregnant, but there are only 133.5 hours to go...
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
DD_ss Partnering Issues
This is an exceptionally challenging series...I'm not sure how clear I can be...
Everyone has probably experienced relationship issues whether they were newly-joined or working on their 10th year together. How do you deal with issues which arise from change; the changes brought on by personal growth and development that you've experienced but which are not necessarily being experienced or met by your partner.
I've mentioned many times that Beloved and I have been married 13 years. We married after only knowing each other for six months, before we went to college, before polyamory, before kids, and before kink and D/s. We've done a LOT of changing...both in the relationship, personally, and developmentally.
We have always been able to talk, though. Sometimes...okay, a lot of times...Beloved has called me on issues and MADE me talk about things I'd rather bury. There have been nights when he's driven us out to the middle of cornfields and created a "captive audience" to make the talks happen. Occasionally I get to return the favor.
How do you deal with these differences; do you meet them head on and deal with them in a straight forward fashion or do you try to compromise and accommodate your own ideals to fit those of your partner?
Beloved is much better at the head-on thing. Me...I am a guilty people-pleaser. I will do my best to accommodate my partner, then offer compromises...to a point. There are things that I will not sacrifice, though.
Does being in a D/s or M/s relationship make it anymore difficult or challenging for you?
Yes, I have found it more difficult to reconcile submission with my self-sense. My relationship with Sir is a good example of that. I tried very hard to meet his needs for control over me...small things like daily contact...but it became a resentment and a fear to me. My happiness and my sense of safety were compromised, and it became a very ugly thing before I finally broke down and ended the relationship. Even within the D/s lifestyle, I need space to fly free.
With Beloved, the issues are much different. Perhaps a lot of that is that Beloved and I don't PLAY much...the focus is more on SERVICE. Part of the reason we entered into the D/s concept was because I so desperately needed help adjusting to my life as a stay-at-home mom. While he still has to wrestle control from me, he is more likely to force a decision when I get overly emotional or fixated on perfection.
Does being in a D/s or M/s relationship make it anymore easier to come to resolutions and does it lessen the complicated nature of the process for you?
Sometimes. An example was when my purse disappeared at the movie theater, and I was overwhelmed with frustration in dealing with the staff and needing to get another deadline taken care of. Beloved finally glared at me and told me to GO and take care of my other task while he waited on the staff. I was in tears and that simple direction and excusal was a major relief.
What makes a relationship not worth fighting for?
When a compromise or a change comes with the sacrifice of happiness or self-worth, I think there are serious problems. Life is too short to be miserable because of a relationship.
What makes a relationship worth fighting for?
When the challenge is a bump in the road...something to puzzle out and adjust to...it is worth the fight. It doesn't mean the bump is small...For me, motherhood was a major bump...it shook me to the core and changed a lot of my identity. I did in fact look at adoption agencies when Boy was 8 weeks old, and it scared the hell out of me. Fighting for the relationship meant working out some lifestyle changes and my getting medical help.
Everyone has probably experienced relationship issues whether they were newly-joined or working on their 10th year together. How do you deal with issues which arise from change; the changes brought on by personal growth and development that you've experienced but which are not necessarily being experienced or met by your partner.
I've mentioned many times that Beloved and I have been married 13 years. We married after only knowing each other for six months, before we went to college, before polyamory, before kids, and before kink and D/s. We've done a LOT of changing...both in the relationship, personally, and developmentally.
We have always been able to talk, though. Sometimes...okay, a lot of times...Beloved has called me on issues and MADE me talk about things I'd rather bury. There have been nights when he's driven us out to the middle of cornfields and created a "captive audience" to make the talks happen. Occasionally I get to return the favor.
How do you deal with these differences; do you meet them head on and deal with them in a straight forward fashion or do you try to compromise and accommodate your own ideals to fit those of your partner?
Beloved is much better at the head-on thing. Me...I am a guilty people-pleaser. I will do my best to accommodate my partner, then offer compromises...to a point. There are things that I will not sacrifice, though.
Does being in a D/s or M/s relationship make it anymore difficult or challenging for you?
Yes, I have found it more difficult to reconcile submission with my self-sense. My relationship with Sir is a good example of that. I tried very hard to meet his needs for control over me...small things like daily contact...but it became a resentment and a fear to me. My happiness and my sense of safety were compromised, and it became a very ugly thing before I finally broke down and ended the relationship. Even within the D/s lifestyle, I need space to fly free.
With Beloved, the issues are much different. Perhaps a lot of that is that Beloved and I don't PLAY much...the focus is more on SERVICE. Part of the reason we entered into the D/s concept was because I so desperately needed help adjusting to my life as a stay-at-home mom. While he still has to wrestle control from me, he is more likely to force a decision when I get overly emotional or fixated on perfection.
Does being in a D/s or M/s relationship make it anymore easier to come to resolutions and does it lessen the complicated nature of the process for you?
Sometimes. An example was when my purse disappeared at the movie theater, and I was overwhelmed with frustration in dealing with the staff and needing to get another deadline taken care of. Beloved finally glared at me and told me to GO and take care of my other task while he waited on the staff. I was in tears and that simple direction and excusal was a major relief.
What makes a relationship not worth fighting for?
When a compromise or a change comes with the sacrifice of happiness or self-worth, I think there are serious problems. Life is too short to be miserable because of a relationship.
What makes a relationship worth fighting for?
When the challenge is a bump in the road...something to puzzle out and adjust to...it is worth the fight. It doesn't mean the bump is small...For me, motherhood was a major bump...it shook me to the core and changed a lot of my identity. I did in fact look at adoption agencies when Boy was 8 weeks old, and it scared the hell out of me. Fighting for the relationship meant working out some lifestyle changes and my getting medical help.
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