In response to my last post, Beloved wrote:
You wear many more titles than WIFE and MOM. You are mentor, organizer, teacher, student, submissive, slave, life-saver, cute poly chick, etc. Just because there is not a single perch upon which you call home does not invalidate the contributions that you make to others lives, and to your own, in each and every role your flighty heart calls you to land upon.
There is more room to write upon your collar. If there is a calling in your heart to find room to enscribe SLAVE or SUB upon it then you should do what you do best and follow your heart.
One of the things I do best is write, so here I am trying to unscramble the lines of communication, straighten out the paths, and make sense of what is in my head. This is one of those times that I have to go all the way back to the beginning, so bare with me...
To be clear, it was never my dream to be a mother, let alone a stay-at-home mother. Although the decision to become parents was mutual, "The Plan" was that Beloved would stay home and I would return to work...until Beloved was offered an incredible opportunity and it made more sense to go for it. I tried to suppress my disappointment, frustration, and fright. Society tends to not appreciate the role of housewives and stay-at-home moms. I tried to put on a good face, but I was crumbling inside. Six months after Boy was born, I fell apart. I was forcibly committed to a mental hospital and Beloved had to rescue me.
Something HAD to change...and so I began looking for something. The term "odalisque" came up and I was curious. Of course, being excused from housework and reserved for sexual service was quite enchanting. I wanted a collar because it would be my salvation. *sigh* There is a D/s fantasy world where all the submissive's cares are magically taken away, where the Dominant has endless resources and always has the answers, where there are no challenges presented by colicky babies or tight budgets or lack of time.
But no matter how many books you read, how wonderful the roleplay is, how hard you wish for the fantasy, the Real World intrudes. I remained myself. I didn't appreciate being told what to do, and Beloved didn't relish the chore of sorting it out for me. I resented limits on housework because things never seemed done to my satisfaction. I struggled with formal protocols that weren't clearly explained or understood, regardless of who tried to implement them. I rejected my collar over and over and over again. I wasn't "doing it right". Where was the reassurance and peace and confidence that was "promised" in the lifestyle?
Attending SJW was an incredible experience and it validated my sense of service. Being surrounded by others who claimed "submission" and yet were perfectly normal PEOPLE helped my understanding, but I still see the external status, the sugar-coat.
I am also frustrated by the occasional questions about my life as a submissive. I try to describe my day-to-day and can't explain how my relationship is different than an ordinary albeit healthy husband-wife relationship.
I am a stay-at-home mom. I do my best to keep up with the housework, keep the kids busy, keep food in the fridge and meals at regular intervals. Unlike many women I know, sex hasn't gone by the wayside because we have kids, but that hardly makes a D/s relationship.
On the BDSM score, I was disillusioned with club, circumvented the rules and got into trouble with Cole, threw away the explorations with Master Ron, ran away from Sir. There seemed nothing about the lifestyle that I could embrace.
My second pregnancy took a real toll on an already struggling "lifestyle". The last three months were void of any involvement with the D/s or BDSM community or even "normal" huband-wife intimacies. We agreed that the collar I had worn...a key on a black silk cord...wasn't going to be a collar any more. On July 22nd, Beloved cut the cord because I was having a c-section.
That didn't change anything in our lives. I continued to do my best to keep up with the housework, keep the kids busy, keep food in the fridge and meals at regular intervals. But as we have slowly gotten back in touch with the lifestyle community, I have fretted over my lack of a collar when attending events.
Last Wednesday, I finally asked Beloved what it would take to earn a collar. I wasn't happy with his answer. There are changes he'd like to see if we going re-enter a collared relationship...protocols, conditioning, training. I rejected this instantly...I struggle to keep up with what I HAVE, let alone adding to it! I just don't have more to give right now, and I was furious that Beloved would ask it of me!
We talked again Thursday night, and I was resigned. I wasn't going to have anything to do with a collar ever again. I was going to give it all up. It was pointless because I just am not collar-material.
Friday was MAsT. There was going to be drumming again, and more importantly, there were going to be people I liked there. I wanted to go but questioned the appropriateness...after all, I wasn't collared. I don't want people to know I'm just a housewife.
Even as I write that, I know how idiotic that is. Submission isn't defined by a lock on a chain. It isn't something that can be given or taken away. Submission is allowing other peoples' will take priority over your own.
I delight in serving others, in providing them with tokens of my service. It brightens my day to hear the surprise in someone's voice when I remember a preference or present them with something they needed/wanted. I have always styled my home around being open and available to others.
Beloved asked me to explain what what a collar means to me, and in the process of writing this, I think I have figured out the answer. For me, a collar isn't something that will drastically change my life or my relationships. While I have fought HARD with labels and titles, the core reason that I sought out D/s has never changed.
A collar...Beloved's collar...excuses me from society's expectations and enables me to embrace my life in service. I want and need to be recognized and celebrated for what I am. A submissive.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
No matter where you go, there you are.
If we shadows have offended,Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumber'd here While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme, No more yielding but a dream...
Beloved is perhaps wiser than I would like to admit. I asked directly what I had to do to earn a collar. He said that I had to prove I wanted it. So I asked what I have to do to prove it. He said I have to write out what a collar means to me, then test my acceptance with a trial week, then we have to discuss it.
The quagmire of emotion is overwhelming. I'm furious, heartbroken, resigned, and despairing.
All my life I wanted to be something else...someone else. My childhood was filled with imaginary friends and adventures with Robin Hood, King Arthur. I would go for walks when it got foggy, hoping but not-quite believing that I might wander into some other time, place. I wanted to be special.
I survived into the young adulthood and exchanged those daydreams with ambitious goals of getting into politics and changing the world, saving the environment, making a real difference. I wanted to be special. I got as far as a job offer in the US Senate that I was unable...unwilling...to take.
So my life got reinvented again. I had a child. Perhaps with children, I could regain the joys of the imagination, recover the fascination of holidays, find the magic again. I wanted to be special, but apparently someone has to do the work to make such things appear real, and I am now that someone.
Disillusioned, I scrambled to find meaning in my status, some way that I might possibly give up everything I had imagined and be content with the "American Dream" of a house in suburbia, two kids, pets... If I could surrender to it, if I could submit and had a Master to care for me and keep me sane, maybe then I would be special...
But over and over and over I fought against the labels. *wry smile* I'm a fiesty, flighty PIXIE...right? I'm wild and fae and stubborn and cannot be collared by any one! Not even my beloved husband wants to risk it without written essay, trials, and discussions.
After simmering in bed and then coming downstairs and sobbing, the conclusion I come to is that he's probably right. I'm enamored with the image, the idea, the perception of what submission is. I forget that I already have a collar and I cannot escape it.
The names my collar bear are WIFE and MOM.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
DD_ss Sex as a Communication Tool
What does sex represent to you?
*soft laugh* It depends on the sex! Sometimes, sex is a very spiritual moment between Beloved and I. We both knew...KNEW...that we had conceived a child, because something was different. Sometimes, sex is about laughing (yes, I do mean laughing! Beloved likes the sensation) and sharing happiness. Sometimes, sex is an outlet for stress through a physical scene, like the hard struggle he gave me after the devastating contact with my sister.
How important is sex to your partner and to you?
I suppose it's pretty important, although it has changed over time. Early on in our relationship, I used to get incredibly frustrated when we didn't have sex for a while...mostly, I think, because it was such a stress-relief outlet for me. That has changed. Especially since we both got "snipped", sex has been one of the things that has kept us connected when we only get a little bit of time together.
When things in your life aren't going well (financial problems, health concerns) is sex one of the first things that hits the curb?
Right now, when we are both sleep-deprived, we are still enjoying each other in favor of a hour more sleep, so I think the answer is no, sex isn't one of the first things to hit the curb. Fortunately, neither Beloved or I have had lasting health concerns. Generally, if one or the other is sick, we just don't engage. Unlike me, Beloved does not use sex as a stress outlet, so sometimes that can be a conflict.
When you're unhappy with your partner do you withhold sex as a bargaining tool? How does that work for you?
No. Personally, I think that is petty and more likely to spiral problems than aid in the resolution.
We all go through periods of time when either our partner or we have grown or changed and there is dissatisfaction in the bedroom, how do you cope with that?
*wry smile* In the past, there would be an argument that led to discussion. Now, I think we mostly are able to discuss before the dissatisfaction becomes resentment.
Is a lack of sex or unsatisfactory sex reason enough to leave a relationship?
I think that if you are resenting the lack or unsatisfactory sex enough to consider leaving a relationship, there are MUCH BIGGER issues in play!
*soft laugh* It depends on the sex! Sometimes, sex is a very spiritual moment between Beloved and I. We both knew...KNEW...that we had conceived a child, because something was different. Sometimes, sex is about laughing (yes, I do mean laughing! Beloved likes the sensation) and sharing happiness. Sometimes, sex is an outlet for stress through a physical scene, like the hard struggle he gave me after the devastating contact with my sister.
How important is sex to your partner and to you?
I suppose it's pretty important, although it has changed over time. Early on in our relationship, I used to get incredibly frustrated when we didn't have sex for a while...mostly, I think, because it was such a stress-relief outlet for me. That has changed. Especially since we both got "snipped", sex has been one of the things that has kept us connected when we only get a little bit of time together.
When things in your life aren't going well (financial problems, health concerns) is sex one of the first things that hits the curb?
Right now, when we are both sleep-deprived, we are still enjoying each other in favor of a hour more sleep, so I think the answer is no, sex isn't one of the first things to hit the curb. Fortunately, neither Beloved or I have had lasting health concerns. Generally, if one or the other is sick, we just don't engage. Unlike me, Beloved does not use sex as a stress outlet, so sometimes that can be a conflict.
When you're unhappy with your partner do you withhold sex as a bargaining tool? How does that work for you?
No. Personally, I think that is petty and more likely to spiral problems than aid in the resolution.
We all go through periods of time when either our partner or we have grown or changed and there is dissatisfaction in the bedroom, how do you cope with that?
*wry smile* In the past, there would be an argument that led to discussion. Now, I think we mostly are able to discuss before the dissatisfaction becomes resentment.
Is a lack of sex or unsatisfactory sex reason enough to leave a relationship?
I think that if you are resenting the lack or unsatisfactory sex enough to consider leaving a relationship, there are MUCH BIGGER issues in play!
Monday, October 12, 2009
Journal Prompt
I was so busy last week that several things fell off my radar, including writing here. One of this week's journal prompts from "Submissive Journal Prompts" sparked reluctance, thus seemed like something I should explore.
What do you want but are too timid to ask for?
*wry smile* Beloved reads here...so answering this is intensely difficult. It's also hard to ask because I just don't KNOW what I am asking for. What are the nuances? What are the ramifications? Is there a way to back out if I hate it? Am I really truly willing to accept all of the possibilities? Can I swallow my fear, my pride? Dare I ask outright for what I have hinted at?
I would ask to wear Beloved's collar again.
What do you want but are too timid to ask for?
*wry smile* Beloved reads here...so answering this is intensely difficult. It's also hard to ask because I just don't KNOW what I am asking for. What are the nuances? What are the ramifications? Is there a way to back out if I hate it? Am I really truly willing to accept all of the possibilities? Can I swallow my fear, my pride? Dare I ask outright for what I have hinted at?
I would ask to wear Beloved's collar again.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Weekend visit and continued ponderances
This weekend, I was honored to host three ladies from SJW, Remmy, Cricket, and Talina. Remmy's Master, Sterling, also joined us (and helped keep Beloved sane in the mist of all the estrogen!).
It was a bit of a fiasco trying to connect at the Shedd Aquarium. I had never been to the aquarium when it was so incredibly BUSY! Between that and the fact that staying in once place with a young boy is really challenging, it was a good two hours before we managed to find the entire party. Lesson learned. Besides that, it was fun, and Boy has asked several times when we are going back to the fishies. *grin* We got membership, so it might be soon...although I think it might be a special no-Girl time.
We departed the aquarium to go and have dinner at House of Sushi and Noodles. No, the irony isn't lost on me. Having had some of the "good" aka "expensive" sushi, I still think that the place is the best deal I've ever had for sushi. It's $17 for all you can eat buffet of 53 different rolls. It took fricken FOREVER to be seated, but it worked out in the end. Between the other women, I even got to eat without holding Girl. Boy even did well, although we did give in and allow him to hang out under the table.
After dinner, everyone came to our house for the night. We stayed up sharing stories and laughing until 11:30, at which point I begged off on account that I get up with the kids. Everyone retired, and I was pleasantly treated to an almost full-night sleep! Boy woke up once with his cough and Beloved dosed him, and Girl slept through until 6:30am!!!
I managed to get Girl and myself out of the bedroom without waking anyone fully, and she and I got breakfast started. Beloved joined us and helped finish up apple pancakes. Our guests trickled down about 9:30, just as the pancakes were ready.
The funny thing about a group with unpartnered submissives...everyone tries to serve everyone else! Talina commented that she might not be able to digest the meal if she couldn't help SOMEHOW. *giggles* We worked it out. Breakfast stretched into a couple of hours of chatting over tea. Then it was time to pack up and see our guests off.
The afternoon was lost to Beloved's insistence that I take a nap with Boy, and I only protested once. *smiles* I was tired and my back has started to misbehave. Dinner and the evening has been delightfully relaxed.
The visit was a wonderful and pondering time for me.
Wonderful because once again, I felt bathed in acceptance. Although I have spent a very limited amount of time with them, the people I met at SJW have become dear and special friends, and each time I have gotten to visit with one of them, I have felt renewed, more confident, and calmer in my path.
Pondering because every glimpse I get into another submissive's life sparks thoughts. In this case, it was mostly how high(er) protocol might fit into the life I share with Beloved and two children. Cricket and Talina jumped up every time one of the Dominants entered the room and asked which seat to take at the table...these are small gestures that simply don't occur to me. Remmy's contentedness to sit at her Master's knee also caught my attention.
After everyone left, before the nap, Beloved asked me if I was jealous. Jealous? No...wistful, perhaps. Mostly because we have children...the mention of attending club or munches inspired some disappointment.
Beloved also suggested that we try doing a week of high protocol.
My immediate reaction was to recoil and search for excuses. I've been trying to puzzle that out for several hours. I think it would be very difficult to do with Beloved. I fear I would be resentful at the corrections from Him. I worry that I will be disillusioned, that I don't know His likes and expectations as well as I think I do. I come close to panic trying to imagine how it would work with Boy and Girl around and filling my days with childhood demands.
At the same time...how much is because I am imagining the magic D/s life that appears in stories and books? Beloved is human and so am I. We live in the REAL world. Do I really think Beloved would be unreasonable in his expectations? *soft sigh* More like I am unreasonable in my own expectations and fear being disappointed, either with Beloved or (more likely) with myself.
It was a bit of a fiasco trying to connect at the Shedd Aquarium. I had never been to the aquarium when it was so incredibly BUSY! Between that and the fact that staying in once place with a young boy is really challenging, it was a good two hours before we managed to find the entire party. Lesson learned. Besides that, it was fun, and Boy has asked several times when we are going back to the fishies. *grin* We got membership, so it might be soon...although I think it might be a special no-Girl time.
We departed the aquarium to go and have dinner at House of Sushi and Noodles. No, the irony isn't lost on me. Having had some of the "good" aka "expensive" sushi, I still think that the place is the best deal I've ever had for sushi. It's $17 for all you can eat buffet of 53 different rolls. It took fricken FOREVER to be seated, but it worked out in the end. Between the other women, I even got to eat without holding Girl. Boy even did well, although we did give in and allow him to hang out under the table.
After dinner, everyone came to our house for the night. We stayed up sharing stories and laughing until 11:30, at which point I begged off on account that I get up with the kids. Everyone retired, and I was pleasantly treated to an almost full-night sleep! Boy woke up once with his cough and Beloved dosed him, and Girl slept through until 6:30am!!!
I managed to get Girl and myself out of the bedroom without waking anyone fully, and she and I got breakfast started. Beloved joined us and helped finish up apple pancakes. Our guests trickled down about 9:30, just as the pancakes were ready.
The funny thing about a group with unpartnered submissives...everyone tries to serve everyone else! Talina commented that she might not be able to digest the meal if she couldn't help SOMEHOW. *giggles* We worked it out. Breakfast stretched into a couple of hours of chatting over tea. Then it was time to pack up and see our guests off.
The afternoon was lost to Beloved's insistence that I take a nap with Boy, and I only protested once. *smiles* I was tired and my back has started to misbehave. Dinner and the evening has been delightfully relaxed.
The visit was a wonderful and pondering time for me.
Wonderful because once again, I felt bathed in acceptance. Although I have spent a very limited amount of time with them, the people I met at SJW have become dear and special friends, and each time I have gotten to visit with one of them, I have felt renewed, more confident, and calmer in my path.
Pondering because every glimpse I get into another submissive's life sparks thoughts. In this case, it was mostly how high(er) protocol might fit into the life I share with Beloved and two children. Cricket and Talina jumped up every time one of the Dominants entered the room and asked which seat to take at the table...these are small gestures that simply don't occur to me. Remmy's contentedness to sit at her Master's knee also caught my attention.
After everyone left, before the nap, Beloved asked me if I was jealous. Jealous? No...wistful, perhaps. Mostly because we have children...the mention of attending club or munches inspired some disappointment.
Beloved also suggested that we try doing a week of high protocol.
My immediate reaction was to recoil and search for excuses. I've been trying to puzzle that out for several hours. I think it would be very difficult to do with Beloved. I fear I would be resentful at the corrections from Him. I worry that I will be disillusioned, that I don't know His likes and expectations as well as I think I do. I come close to panic trying to imagine how it would work with Boy and Girl around and filling my days with childhood demands.
At the same time...how much is because I am imagining the magic D/s life that appears in stories and books? Beloved is human and so am I. We live in the REAL world. Do I really think Beloved would be unreasonable in his expectations? *soft sigh* More like I am unreasonable in my own expectations and fear being disappointed, either with Beloved or (more likely) with myself.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
"This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last."
So said Oscar Wilde. I was amused by Crumpet's comment, and then I considered this weekend.
Friday, dinner for seven and general company.
Saturday, dinner for eight (different group entirely!) followed by an outing to see Night of the Living Dead: The Musical.
Sunday, dinner for seven and general company.
The upcoming week:
Monday, lunch with a friend.
Tuesday, PPD meeting, trip to the zoo, birthday dinner for a friend.
Wednesday, meeting with local museum to discuss expanding public programming
Thursday, gymnastics and lunch with grandma
Friday, trip to forest preserve & I'm making bread
Saturday & Sunday, out of town friends from SJW are spending the weekend with us, and we are working in a trip to the Shedd Aquarium.
Somewhere in between all this, I work in laundry, household chores, meals, networking, and organizing two groups.
Underneath it all, there's the D/s. Beloved and I are slowly re-evolving that, although I am still without a formal collar. I think we are actually making progress, though...at least, for my side, I've been enjoying the places we've been going. My major regret is that the only way to really play is to cut into our sleep, and that can be a serious problem for me. Beloved's been an absolute saint and given me a morning the last two weekends to catch up...
Which is why Wilde's quote was exactly perfect...
Friday, dinner for seven and general company.
Saturday, dinner for eight (different group entirely!) followed by an outing to see Night of the Living Dead: The Musical.
Sunday, dinner for seven and general company.
The upcoming week:
Monday, lunch with a friend.
Tuesday, PPD meeting, trip to the zoo, birthday dinner for a friend.
Wednesday, meeting with local museum to discuss expanding public programming
Thursday, gymnastics and lunch with grandma
Friday, trip to forest preserve & I'm making bread
Saturday & Sunday, out of town friends from SJW are spending the weekend with us, and we are working in a trip to the Shedd Aquarium.
Somewhere in between all this, I work in laundry, household chores, meals, networking, and organizing two groups.
Underneath it all, there's the D/s. Beloved and I are slowly re-evolving that, although I am still without a formal collar. I think we are actually making progress, though...at least, for my side, I've been enjoying the places we've been going. My major regret is that the only way to really play is to cut into our sleep, and that can be a serious problem for me. Beloved's been an absolute saint and given me a morning the last two weekends to catch up...
Which is why Wilde's quote was exactly perfect...
Friday, October 2, 2009
This is Pixie.
See Pixie run. Run Pixie run!
I can try to sum up the last week, but it's been CRAZY busy...
Tuesday, 9/22 - The family got some particular vicious e-mails from my estranged sister. It really tore me apart. Beloved gave me a little space, and after the kids were in bed, he asked if I'd like to play a game. I said I'd rather hurt someone (yes, my sister's behavior REALLY got to me). What followed was physical overpowering and an intense spanking. It was really the first SCENE we have had in about a year. I was snot-faced and crying, and only once was Beloved actually concerned...but he was able to see in my eyes that I was okay and pushed me through. The emotional release was such a relief! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Thursday, 9/24 - We learned that a family friend was dying, and the message was accidentally sent to my sister, which spurred another nasty bunch of e-mails. This time I didn't have time for it because we had 20 poly friends coming over for a game of Cranium. The laughter, mild teasing, and friendship let me "forget" and let go...
Friday, 9/25 - I took the kids to "Bear's Most Excellent Sale", which was a garage sale in memory of my cousin who committed suicide two years ago. It was a big-to-do and got front page coverage in the local newspaper. The family raised $2800 over the weekend, and it's all going to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
Tuesday, 9/29 - I spent the day preparing the house for the Aurora DOM...the first one Beloved has hosted since April. I was very nervous about getting everything just right. There was a program at the hospital I wanted to attend, which meant leaving a group of Dominants to fend for themselves for an hour. *wry smile* The last time I did that...well, let's just say I STILL enjoy teasing Beloved about it! All told, the DOM went well and it is going to continue. Next month, the demo is on rough body play...
Wednesday, 9/30 - A swift re-make of the house and Boy and I hosted our first craft day for our playgroup. We did self-portraits by having the kids lay down on 4' kraft paper, tracing their body, and then allowing them to decorate them by gluing googly eyes, coloring with markers, and using stickers. Boy was VERY proud and couldn't wait to show Beloved!
Beloved also went out that night with his girlfriend, so it was a bit of looooong day for this little pixie. I got myself to sleep around 11pm, but Beloved came home and woke me...then Girl was up...then Boy got up...then Girl woke again...
Thursday, 10/1 - By morning, I was exhausted and had the raccon eyes to show it. Beloved called into work, let me go back to bed, and handled the Thursday morning routine of dropping Girl off with Grandma, taking Boy to gymnastics. We met at Grandma's house for lunch, and by that point BELOVED was falling over tired! I sent him home, Grandma watched Boy while I took Girl to her 2-month doctor's appointment... She's doing great! She's grown 5 3/4" and put on 3 1/4 lbs since birth! She and I went home where I got Girl and Beloved down for naps and then I went and did the grocery shop, picked up Boy and dinner, and got home around 7pm. It was a pretty good evening, although Boy was hard to get to bed. Beloved and I played a board game and I made some snide comment which he answered with a threatened spanking...I dodged by grabbing my towel and taking a shower. He came in and scrubbed my back, followed me back to the bedroom, and fucked me silly. It was after midnight when we cleaned up and got back into bed. Beloved's comment was if we had "discovered" kink before we had Boy, we might not have had kids at all...but Beloved was glad we have them, even when they are a challenge and keep us running...
Friday, 10/2 - I have a playdate for the kids this afternoon, am making dinner for 7 tonight, and am looking forward to a hot bath and an early bedtime tonight...we'll see if that last part actually happens!
So, yeah...Run Pixie run! Whoever said being a stay-at-home parent was easy never tried it!!!
I can try to sum up the last week, but it's been CRAZY busy...
Tuesday, 9/22 - The family got some particular vicious e-mails from my estranged sister. It really tore me apart. Beloved gave me a little space, and after the kids were in bed, he asked if I'd like to play a game. I said I'd rather hurt someone (yes, my sister's behavior REALLY got to me). What followed was physical overpowering and an intense spanking. It was really the first SCENE we have had in about a year. I was snot-faced and crying, and only once was Beloved actually concerned...but he was able to see in my eyes that I was okay and pushed me through. The emotional release was such a relief! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Thursday, 9/24 - We learned that a family friend was dying, and the message was accidentally sent to my sister, which spurred another nasty bunch of e-mails. This time I didn't have time for it because we had 20 poly friends coming over for a game of Cranium. The laughter, mild teasing, and friendship let me "forget" and let go...
Friday, 9/25 - I took the kids to "Bear's Most Excellent Sale", which was a garage sale in memory of my cousin who committed suicide two years ago. It was a big-to-do and got front page coverage in the local newspaper. The family raised $2800 over the weekend, and it's all going to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
Tuesday, 9/29 - I spent the day preparing the house for the Aurora DOM...the first one Beloved has hosted since April. I was very nervous about getting everything just right. There was a program at the hospital I wanted to attend, which meant leaving a group of Dominants to fend for themselves for an hour. *wry smile* The last time I did that...well, let's just say I STILL enjoy teasing Beloved about it! All told, the DOM went well and it is going to continue. Next month, the demo is on rough body play...
Wednesday, 9/30 - A swift re-make of the house and Boy and I hosted our first craft day for our playgroup. We did self-portraits by having the kids lay down on 4' kraft paper, tracing their body, and then allowing them to decorate them by gluing googly eyes, coloring with markers, and using stickers. Boy was VERY proud and couldn't wait to show Beloved!
Beloved also went out that night with his girlfriend, so it was a bit of looooong day for this little pixie. I got myself to sleep around 11pm, but Beloved came home and woke me...then Girl was up...then Boy got up...then Girl woke again...
Thursday, 10/1 - By morning, I was exhausted and had the raccon eyes to show it. Beloved called into work, let me go back to bed, and handled the Thursday morning routine of dropping Girl off with Grandma, taking Boy to gymnastics. We met at Grandma's house for lunch, and by that point BELOVED was falling over tired! I sent him home, Grandma watched Boy while I took Girl to her 2-month doctor's appointment... She's doing great! She's grown 5 3/4" and put on 3 1/4 lbs since birth! She and I went home where I got Girl and Beloved down for naps and then I went and did the grocery shop, picked up Boy and dinner, and got home around 7pm. It was a pretty good evening, although Boy was hard to get to bed. Beloved and I played a board game and I made some snide comment which he answered with a threatened spanking...I dodged by grabbing my towel and taking a shower. He came in and scrubbed my back, followed me back to the bedroom, and fucked me silly. It was after midnight when we cleaned up and got back into bed. Beloved's comment was if we had "discovered" kink before we had Boy, we might not have had kids at all...but Beloved was glad we have them, even when they are a challenge and keep us running...
Friday, 10/2 - I have a playdate for the kids this afternoon, am making dinner for 7 tonight, and am looking forward to a hot bath and an early bedtime tonight...we'll see if that last part actually happens!
So, yeah...Run Pixie run! Whoever said being a stay-at-home parent was easy never tried it!!!
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