It STARTED back in September...with the basement. I began sorting and purging STUFF. My inspiration to do so ebbs and flows, but generally seems to be picking up speed and gotten more brutal.
Last night, hit the bedroom. I went through and dumped stuff I've been holding on to for years. Like 4 pairs of nursing bras that I have hated and haven't needed since Girl gave up nursing more than a year ago. I finally am happy with fitting into a normal DD cup, and I've been slowly picking up replacements, but I haven't thrown out the ratty, frayed elastic, used and abused bras. It was incredibly liberating!
I also dumped four bags of miscellaneous things...clothing, books, VHS tapes, etc. Beloved was pretty impressed when he came in this morning and saw the pile. There is more I need to get rid of, but I both pooped out and got to the point that I wasn't *quite* ready to let go.
*wry smile* This is part of the reason I have avoided ToyStory 3. Earlier this month, I donated a trunk-load of toys and kids' stuff, and I'm eyeing the pile of stuffed animals that are currently residing under Boy's bed...
Like I said, brutal. But I'm discovering I kinda like the feeling. :-P
Friday, January 21, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
"The Lies We Told"
I just finished a sweet romance-thriller book by Diane Chamberland and loved the ending. Summary: a woman gets lost in post-hurricane chaos, her sister and husband are led to believe she's dead, and they discover love and comfort together. When woman manages to get back to "civilization", it is "too late"...but the epilogue is at a backyard BBQ -woman is adopting a baby, sister and (ex-)husband are married and expecting a child.
"Now the triangle has become a circle, and a circle can encompass so much more. It can hold not only the three of us, but ...it will expand to take in whatever children will follow, and whatever men might wander into our midst. Whatever friends....and we can move forward."
*happy smile* THIS is what poly is to me...
"Now the triangle has become a circle, and a circle can encompass so much more. It can hold not only the three of us, but ...it will expand to take in whatever children will follow, and whatever men might wander into our midst. Whatever friends....and we can move forward."
*happy smile* THIS is what poly is to me...
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Memories
Beloved stumbled across a risque photo from a couple of years ago that got mistakenly posted on the 'Net. *shrug* I still don't care since I still have nuddie photos floating around here and my patience with politics is GONE so it's not like I'll be running for anything. Maybe he expected me to be more embarrassed by it? I don't know.
But the find led him to go back through some entries here, and I was a little surprised to hear the longing in his voice as he mentioned it. I haven't really had a chance to talk to him about it, but I wonder what he misses, REALLY. I imagine it's the devoted service...and I feel bad about that. While he's still the center of my universe, I definitely get caught in the vortex between TWO kids.
Sometimes I miss the collared life, but honestly, it's not often. I chafed with the rules, failed "loyalty" tests all the time, and never felt like I measured up in the lifestyle. Thinking about it makes me sad.
*sigh* I know, I know, what works for YOU, don't compare, if He's happy...
Funny how memories of shared experiences inspire such different emotions.
But the find led him to go back through some entries here, and I was a little surprised to hear the longing in his voice as he mentioned it. I haven't really had a chance to talk to him about it, but I wonder what he misses, REALLY. I imagine it's the devoted service...and I feel bad about that. While he's still the center of my universe, I definitely get caught in the vortex between TWO kids.
Sometimes I miss the collared life, but honestly, it's not often. I chafed with the rules, failed "loyalty" tests all the time, and never felt like I measured up in the lifestyle. Thinking about it makes me sad.
*sigh* I know, I know, what works for YOU, don't compare, if He's happy...
Funny how memories of shared experiences inspire such different emotions.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Seek to be gracious
I try to see the good in people...I try to believe that people aren't purposefully hateful (took a minute to think of a word, since there are plenty of sadists who are PURPOSEFULLY mean, cruel, etc.). But seriously, some times I am severely challenged in this space.
I'm angry and dismayed by the behavior. I want to strike out, to antagonize, to torment, to create the "death by a thousand paper cuts". I want to wreak havoc in the individual lives, mess them up, teach them a lesson.
But it isn't my place. The petty little things I might accomplish won't carry actual justice. I know this truth, even if I don't want to accept it.
Instead, I seek to be gracious; to go quietly within the world and do what I can do to improve it; to offer patience; to turn aside the insults and release the vexations others would serve on my spirit.
I breathe...deeply, serenely, quietly...let them go, let them go, let them go...
I'm angry and dismayed by the behavior. I want to strike out, to antagonize, to torment, to create the "death by a thousand paper cuts". I want to wreak havoc in the individual lives, mess them up, teach them a lesson.
But it isn't my place. The petty little things I might accomplish won't carry actual justice. I know this truth, even if I don't want to accept it.
Instead, I seek to be gracious; to go quietly within the world and do what I can do to improve it; to offer patience; to turn aside the insults and release the vexations others would serve on my spirit.
I breathe...deeply, serenely, quietly...let them go, let them go, let them go...
Friday, January 7, 2011
Interesting scientific find...
Especially if you cross it into the BDSM world...
Women's tears tank men's libido
Men who sniffed such tears produced less testosterone and found female faces less arousing, according to new research.
By Amina Khan, Los Angeles Times
January 7, 2011
A woman's tears can be a total turnoff for a guy — if he smells them, that is.
Men who sniffed the tears of weeping women produced less testosterone and found female faces less arousing, according to new research that suggests a novel evolutionary explanation for why humans cry.
Communication isn't limited to language, said neuroscientist Noam Sobel of the Weizmann Institute of Science in Rehovot, Israel, whose study was published online Thursday by the journal Science. "And here, we've uncovered the chemical word for 'no,' or 'not now.' "
Emotional tears previously had been shown to be chemically distinct from reflexive, eye-protecting tears. And in animals, tears are known to convey important messages: Male mice that cry attract females, and blind mole rats that weep ward off other males.
Perhaps human tears contained a chemical signal too, Sobel thought. So he asked six women to watch triple-hanky chick flicks such as "My Sister's Keeper" and let their tears trickle into a test tube.
Sobel had assumed the tears would trigger feelings of sadness or empathy. Instead, the tears dampened men's libido like a cold shower.
The 50 tear-sniffing men whose testosterone levels were tested experienced a drop averaging 13%. Sniffers who viewed erotic images before submitting to an MRI showed less activity in the sexual arousal regions of their brains, too.
The results imply that "tears have some influence on sexual selection, and that's not something we associate with sadness," said Adam Anderson, a University of Toronto psychologist who was not involved in the study. "It could be a way of warding off unwanted advances."
Women's tears tank men's libido
Men who sniffed such tears produced less testosterone and found female faces less arousing, according to new research.
By Amina Khan, Los Angeles Times
January 7, 2011
A woman's tears can be a total turnoff for a guy — if he smells them, that is.
Men who sniffed the tears of weeping women produced less testosterone and found female faces less arousing, according to new research that suggests a novel evolutionary explanation for why humans cry.
Communication isn't limited to language, said neuroscientist Noam Sobel of the Weizmann Institute of Science in Rehovot, Israel, whose study was published online Thursday by the journal Science. "And here, we've uncovered the chemical word for 'no,' or 'not now.' "
Emotional tears previously had been shown to be chemically distinct from reflexive, eye-protecting tears. And in animals, tears are known to convey important messages: Male mice that cry attract females, and blind mole rats that weep ward off other males.
Perhaps human tears contained a chemical signal too, Sobel thought. So he asked six women to watch triple-hanky chick flicks such as "My Sister's Keeper" and let their tears trickle into a test tube.
Sobel had assumed the tears would trigger feelings of sadness or empathy. Instead, the tears dampened men's libido like a cold shower.
The 50 tear-sniffing men whose testosterone levels were tested experienced a drop averaging 13%. Sniffers who viewed erotic images before submitting to an MRI showed less activity in the sexual arousal regions of their brains, too.
The results imply that "tears have some influence on sexual selection, and that's not something we associate with sadness," said Adam Anderson, a University of Toronto psychologist who was not involved in the study. "It could be a way of warding off unwanted advances."
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Happy Birthday!
It's Beloved's birthday today.
I wish I had some way to express the awe and love I have for this man. This man who patiently, painstakingly, converted a victim into a vixen. This man who treats me like his princess and plaything. This man who has changed my life many times over.
What words can really say what I have inside me? I'm at a loss...all I can say is I love you, I love you, I love you!
I wish I had some way to express the awe and love I have for this man. This man who patiently, painstakingly, converted a victim into a vixen. This man who treats me like his princess and plaything. This man who has changed my life many times over.
What words can really say what I have inside me? I'm at a loss...all I can say is I love you, I love you, I love you!
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
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