thoughts on tears...

Last summer, I began exploring something with HalDer...a Dominant, a lover, a friend. On one of our first dates, we were standing in the parking lot in front of the ice cream place, and he caressed my cheek, whispering that he couldn't wait to taste my tears.

The gentle touch didn't mesh with the words. I didn't understand. The truth is, it scared me. I avoided the discussion for a while, then confessed my concerns, and because of many other complications, decided that perhaps "just" exploring the poly-relationship was enough for the moment. Between his relationship with his Lady and mine with Beloved, things did not work out in the long run, but we did have many sweet moments, and I count myself luck to have his friendship as I continue the journey.

Yesterday, I was chatting with him and the GD2 adventure came up.

H: The time we spent together was great. It really was. But being [Beloved]'s slave is where you belong. you already talk about it like a slave many years more experienced than you. you felt sub space...you were there.
g: I remember you saying you wanted to taste my tears...I didn't get it.
H: Tears are a wonderful gift that a slave can give her Master. But going much beyond tears......That goes to the point of.....well....of serious damage. And[Beloved] did an incredible job of feeling that in you, of recognizing it, and stopping when you were getting too close to that edge. It's that space of complete submission. Of giving yourself up, everything about you
g: I can't do that
H: Yes, yes you can. you did, don't you see that? What was left? The rest of the world was gone. you don't even remember the conversation on the way home. Tears are the point of giving up. Of admiting to yourself and your Master that you are his.

H: It boils down to what is right between your Master and you. Everything does. And that's where I come in. This is where I belong now...Right here...your friend to talk to about D/s.
g: but are you okay with that? cause on the one hand, it's kinda like a tease
H: It's perfectly fine. Actually.....it's probably what I need most right about now
g: a tease?
H: No, you brat. a slave's point of view

I've been thinking about that conversation the last day...there's so much I take as a compliment there. So much I am grateful for. I do wish that things had worked out because we were having fun, falling in love, but maybe our paths crossed for another reason.

Then, this morning, I came across this quote when I wasn't even looking...

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.”

~Washington Irving


I think I am beginning to understand...