"If I am not perfect, I am nothing. If I am not perfect, I will be rejected. I will be abandoned. I know I am not perfect, but if I try hard enough, no one else will know. Therefore, I will be the perfect employee, the perfect spouse, the perfect parent, the perfect friend. I will always look perfect. I will always say the right thing. All I have to do is whatever is asked of me AND MORE. All I have to do is everything. Just please don't let anyone look under the rug."
~Janet Geringer Woititz

Yes, I went looking for that...or something like it and that worked. I am trying to explain to a respected friend what my fears are of playing. I imagine there's a two-way mirror mask I wear...on the outside, it's smooth and clear and the world gets a perfect image. But on my side, it's pitted and cracked and the image is distorted. And I hate it.

There is a sense of desperation to be PERFECT, and ironically, bdsm seems to lend itself to revealing imperfections. So what the hell am I doing here???