So I'm off to SJW 2010 tomorrow to present on M/s and non-monogamy. Should be interesting...at worst, there are some awesome people I'm looking forward to seeing again and gorgeous mountains to sit and enjoy.
Of course, in the next 12 hours, I have a list of a million things to accomplish, the least of which is PACKING. HA! I'll be lucky if I remember my name by presentation time! At least I've finally finished the additional sheets I wanted...(sorry it was such a late night, Beloved!)
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Journal Prompt
lunaKM asks, "Have you ever been given a ’slave name’ or had your name changed by someone else? What emotional effect did it have on you, if any? Does your sense of self/identity tie in strongly with your name?"
Sorta, but it wasn't in any way connected to D/s or slavery or lifestyle. When we first met, Beloved decided that my given name was too long and he shortened it to two syllables. I didn't mind...I had always kind of assumed that there weren't any real variations to my name, so I was rather delighted with the invention. I was introduced to all of his family and friends with the new name.
My family had a different and completely dissimilar nickname for me. Early on, when I moved in with Beloved out of teenage defiance against my father, I had the courtesy to give my family the landline (in age before cell phones were SOOOOOO common!). Problem was, they would call asking for me by THEIR nick...and Beloved's family replied they had the wrong number and no one by that name lived there!
Oiy...that was a bit of a mess!
But 15 years later, the majority of our non-lifestyle friends know me by the name Beloved bestowed on me. My family still calls my by my childhood nickname. It's all good.
"Pixie" really came from a photograph taken on October 31 2004.
I don't know who first called me pixie, but it stuck. Over the years, especially since Beloved and I started into D/s, the name and use of the name has gotten tied into certain expectations and behaviors. If Beloved says, "Pixie", it is an automatic response and surrender in my head. He garners my full attention with the one word.
Sorta, but it wasn't in any way connected to D/s or slavery or lifestyle. When we first met, Beloved decided that my given name was too long and he shortened it to two syllables. I didn't mind...I had always kind of assumed that there weren't any real variations to my name, so I was rather delighted with the invention. I was introduced to all of his family and friends with the new name.
My family had a different and completely dissimilar nickname for me. Early on, when I moved in with Beloved out of teenage defiance against my father, I had the courtesy to give my family the landline (in age before cell phones were SOOOOOO common!). Problem was, they would call asking for me by THEIR nick...and Beloved's family replied they had the wrong number and no one by that name lived there!
Oiy...that was a bit of a mess!
But 15 years later, the majority of our non-lifestyle friends know me by the name Beloved bestowed on me. My family still calls my by my childhood nickname. It's all good.
"Pixie" really came from a photograph taken on October 31 2004.
I don't know who first called me pixie, but it stuck. Over the years, especially since Beloved and I started into D/s, the name and use of the name has gotten tied into certain expectations and behaviors. If Beloved says, "Pixie", it is an automatic response and surrender in my head. He garners my full attention with the one word.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Question of the Day
BiterofBits asks, "In your opinion what, if any, is the difference between submission and surrender?"
I think the difference is in the mindset, in the attitude of the person submitting/surrendering. When I say I will submit, it is not necessarily a happy pixie that yields to the authority or will of another (part of merriam-webster's definition of "submit"). Submitting often is accompanied with a dislike of a task, fear of the outcome, struggles with humility, or resentment of the situation.
Surrender is usually more graceful, less of a fight. I agree to forgo especially in favor of another (again, part of merriam-webster's definition of "surrrender"). Surrender is more peaceful in my mind, the service easier to offer.
I think the difference is in the mindset, in the attitude of the person submitting/surrendering. When I say I will submit, it is not necessarily a happy pixie that yields to the authority or will of another (part of merriam-webster's definition of "submit"). Submitting often is accompanied with a dislike of a task, fear of the outcome, struggles with humility, or resentment of the situation.
Surrender is usually more graceful, less of a fight. I agree to forgo especially in favor of another (again, part of merriam-webster's definition of "surrrender"). Surrender is more peaceful in my mind, the service easier to offer.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
my "poly" world
Yesterday, I was reminded again why I so strongly desire a poly household. I have been feeling S-I-C-K, and it hasn't been pretty. Combine that with a rainy day when we can't go outside, and the kids weren't happy either. The house was quickly falling into shambles with unwashed dishes, unfolded laundry, and a multitude of toys in just about every room of the house. By 4pm, I was in tears trying to keep it together.
Enter an unexpected call from RainChild. I think she was just calling, but hearing my voice, she said she was on her way over and would be about 15 minutes. Within minutes of her arriving, Misgari walked in the door, also unexpected. They settled the children, gave me a cup of Gatorade, Missi did the dishes while Rain picked up the toys. A quick couple of inventory checks and a phone call to Einhander, and there was a spaghetti dinner in the making for ten people in the making.
By the time Beloved came in, there was a houseful of friends, dinner close to being done, happy kids, and I was in a much better place.
After dinner, the kitchen was (mostly) cleaned up and Beloved and I got the kids into bed. They settled into playing cards for the evening and I chatted for a bit with Malifeo. Then they headed to a movie at 10pm while I went to bed.
It doesn't have to have ANYTHING to do with sex. In fact, the community living that I miss,I crave is mostly just being surrounded by friends whom I love.
Enter an unexpected call from RainChild. I think she was just calling, but hearing my voice, she said she was on her way over and would be about 15 minutes. Within minutes of her arriving, Misgari walked in the door, also unexpected. They settled the children, gave me a cup of Gatorade, Missi did the dishes while Rain picked up the toys. A quick couple of inventory checks and a phone call to Einhander, and there was a spaghetti dinner in the making for ten people in the making.
By the time Beloved came in, there was a houseful of friends, dinner close to being done, happy kids, and I was in a much better place.
After dinner, the kitchen was (mostly) cleaned up and Beloved and I got the kids into bed. They settled into playing cards for the evening and I chatted for a bit with Malifeo. Then they headed to a movie at 10pm while I went to bed.
It doesn't have to have ANYTHING to do with sex. In fact, the community living that I miss,I crave is mostly just being surrounded by friends whom I love.
Friday, May 7, 2010
caught up with me...
I guess when I wasn't listening to my heart crying "enough already!" my body decided to force me. I'm sick. Blech.
hrumph. potential E.coli infection. Will wonders never cease?
hrumph. potential E.coli infection. Will wonders never cease?
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
needed, cherished, desired, stretched...
I feel all of these. I look at my kids, my friends, my Beloved and am overwhelmed by how lucky I am.
Boy and I have had some very good days the last week or so. Spending time outside, going to a lacrosse game, walking, hitting the zoo. Sometimes I am sidelined and just watch him...but then he comes running back, reminding me how much he needs me. It melts my heart. We've also had a TERRIFIC week with potty training...DON'T JINX ME!!!
Last night, Beloved and I just cuddled in bed, our legs intertwined and quietly drifted into our own thoughts. It was rich and comforting. I have managed to secure a free afternoon/evening for us on Saturday. We might be headed to GD2 for their event...might just hang here at home. I know he cherishes me and loves me and sometimes we stumble over how exactly to express that in our busy lives.
I was also propositioned twice in an hour on OKC...always nice to be desired, but when the limited chat jumps immediately to s-e-x? *sigh*
I've also been doing a lot of overtime lately. Some of my friends have had really challenging times...hospitalizations, infidelity, financial struggles. It hurts to have so many people hurting and so little I can actually DO. It's also frustrating to see people make mistakes, some of them repeated offenses, and not get things straightened out faster. I visit, I counsel, I stretch, I'm thanked...but I wonder if I shouldn't be doing something else? Something more?
As is typical of me...when I start to feel stretched and inadequate, I look for something else I could do, perhaps more successfully? *smirks* Hence the wanderings to CL and OKC and perhaps the annoyance with the lack of substance. I wonder if Malifeo lived closer, what would happen...
And then I look up and see the basket of laundry waiting to be folded, the pick-up needing to be done, the unfinished grocery list. I hear the increasing volume of the children's voices, competing for my attention. I'm needed again.
If life is so full, so busy, why do I keep looking and what am I looking for?
Boy and I have had some very good days the last week or so. Spending time outside, going to a lacrosse game, walking, hitting the zoo. Sometimes I am sidelined and just watch him...but then he comes running back, reminding me how much he needs me. It melts my heart. We've also had a TERRIFIC week with potty training...DON'T JINX ME!!!
Last night, Beloved and I just cuddled in bed, our legs intertwined and quietly drifted into our own thoughts. It was rich and comforting. I have managed to secure a free afternoon/evening for us on Saturday. We might be headed to GD2 for their event...might just hang here at home. I know he cherishes me and loves me and sometimes we stumble over how exactly to express that in our busy lives.
I was also propositioned twice in an hour on OKC...always nice to be desired, but when the limited chat jumps immediately to s-e-x? *sigh*
I've also been doing a lot of overtime lately. Some of my friends have had really challenging times...hospitalizations, infidelity, financial struggles. It hurts to have so many people hurting and so little I can actually DO. It's also frustrating to see people make mistakes, some of them repeated offenses, and not get things straightened out faster. I visit, I counsel, I stretch, I'm thanked...but I wonder if I shouldn't be doing something else? Something more?
As is typical of me...when I start to feel stretched and inadequate, I look for something else I could do, perhaps more successfully? *smirks* Hence the wanderings to CL and OKC and perhaps the annoyance with the lack of substance. I wonder if Malifeo lived closer, what would happen...
And then I look up and see the basket of laundry waiting to be folded, the pick-up needing to be done, the unfinished grocery list. I hear the increasing volume of the children's voices, competing for my attention. I'm needed again.
If life is so full, so busy, why do I keep looking and what am I looking for?
Saturday, May 1, 2010
What do 'nilla folk do?
Do you know the song that Guinevere and Arthur sing? *wry smile* yes...that's been one of my favorite movies since I was a child, but that is besides the point.
It was a good day! Maybe a little rough around the edges, but a good day. While I managed children and helped a friend at the hospital, Beloved managed the house and did a magnificent job of it. I picked up makings for a picnic lunch and we spent the afternoon at Wine on the Fox with Danearis. I grilled hot dogs for a simple supper and we put the children to bed.
Yet, I'm feeling oddly adrift, disconnected, lost. I don't feel like myself. My libido has been zilch, my interest in playing nil. I desperately want to spice up my...our...life, but how?
Which is why Julie Andrews & Richard Burton came to mind. What do the 'nilla folk do to perk up the heart and get through?
I have a sinking feeling that the answer is similar to the song...and the song's ending is a painful realization that they are living a lie.
It was a good day! Maybe a little rough around the edges, but a good day. While I managed children and helped a friend at the hospital, Beloved managed the house and did a magnificent job of it. I picked up makings for a picnic lunch and we spent the afternoon at Wine on the Fox with Danearis. I grilled hot dogs for a simple supper and we put the children to bed.
Yet, I'm feeling oddly adrift, disconnected, lost. I don't feel like myself. My libido has been zilch, my interest in playing nil. I desperately want to spice up my...our...life, but how?
Which is why Julie Andrews & Richard Burton came to mind. What do the 'nilla folk do to perk up the heart and get through?
I have a sinking feeling that the answer is similar to the song...and the song's ending is a painful realization that they are living a lie.
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