Every Day...REAL

Day 4 - May 4

I am REAL. Yes, I am a pixie and often considered fictional or a figment of imagination, but I'm real. *wry smile* Actually, what I meant is that I try not to sugar-coat my existence. Life is full of ups and downs; I have my own battle with dysthymia. I often feel like a very negative person when I don't mean to be...but it is all very REAL. There is no "right" or "wrong" to feelings! Maybe my feelings to match up perfectly with my logic (or vice versa!), but it is how I'm feeling in the moment.

Sometimes I worry about how people will interpret what I've written...or how the people I am close with will react to what I have to say. Sometimes I have been tempted to edit my entry because of this...sometimes I have given in to that pressure. But even that is part of being REAL. I try to keep Dr. Suess' quote in my every day...

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

BLAHS and Doldrums

We dawdle a bit and then
we loiter a while, and dawdle again.
We gather our strength to start anew
on all of the loafing and lounging we still have left to do.
So don't say there's nothing to do in the doldrums, it's just not true.~the Lethargians, The Phantom Tollbooth

It's kind of amazing how quickly my motivation can be sapped. I was supposed to have this afternoon to get everything in order...pack, chores, presentations. But the babysitter's kids got diagnosed with pinkeye, so I am not "free" to work as I had hoped. Still...I should be able to get SOME stuff done, right?

But I have a case of the BLAHS (Bother w/ Life And Household Stuff). Maybe if I could accomplish something, I could kick out of the rut...I guess I'll go strip the bed and see if that helps. *wrinkles nose*

Every Day...Finances

Day 3 - May 3

I got all the bills paid...there are a couple I am ahead on, and I even CLOSED one of the credit card accounts!!! I totally ROCK!

Every Day...Love

Day 2 - May 2
Today began a little on the groggy side. I ran out to Walgreens at 3am to get Boy more medicine because his allergy-cough is fired up with Spring. Beloved kindly let me sleep as long as he could...would have let me sleep longer if I hadn't gotten up to help him hurry out the door. *smiles* I am so lucky to have him!

Once I got moving, I started on the bedroom...getting stuff sorted and put away. It got me looking (again) at all the accumulated STUFF in the house. I am debating on a garage sale or just trying to list it as "large box of 3-6 month spring clothes" on craigslist. That might be the better direction since I can list stuff as I get through it instead of trying to organize it all for a 3-day bonanza that we really don't have time for anyway. *laughs*

I have so many friends and family and plans and hopes for the summer! I am heading to Tennessee this weekend. I want to get up to Friendship & Sturgeon Bay, WI. I want to get in a camping trip with Rain and AM, possibly another with Malifeo. Dare I aim for some time at ShadoKnight's hide-away, too? I have the Komen Walk. There's the monthly drum circles, kids' camps, and trips to the beach. There's the garden. I'm hoping to (re-)connect with Tamin-Lady and drag SSQ into the loop more.

I was thinking about The Future this morning, too. Maybe the big programs are full, but I bet I wouldn't have any trouble getting back to my alma mater and pursuing dual biology/geology masters so I could teach at the college levels. I already HAVE experience in a classroom, which might help in that direction, too.

Every Day for Thirty Days...Garden

I'm grabbing this from mercurialmuse because I think it's something I would definitely benefit from...
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“everyday for 30 days… write something kind about yourself.. something that you like about yourself… that has nothing to do with your outer shell.”
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Day 1 - May 1
I woke up today to the sun shining. I slipped out of bed, hoping to give Beloved the chance to sleep in. I don't know what time he came to bed, but I know *I* passed out on him...

I'm excited about the weather finally getting nice. I'm looking forward to seeing what happens in the garden. I've worked really really hard this spring. *chuckles* yes, I'm biting the buuuutttt!

Beloved made a joke about wife-swapping...let Rain come and be a stay-at-home mom for two years, and I'd go live with AM in Philly so I could attend Widener University. *sigh* I know he said it as a joke, and I think he was disappointed that I actually mulled it over. Rain's a sweet girl, but she needs "training" in the classroom of Life. AM does too, but I wouldn't also have to raise the kids. Definitely not a balanced swap! Still...I can't help but wonder if publicity of the thing wouldn't pay off our debts... *laughs*

To be honest, though, I haven't really decided about what I want to do. I know I'm worth a lot more than $10-12/hr, so a basic office admin isn't going to cut it. ShadoKnight and I joked about my taking over his landscaping work, if he was actually going to pay someone to do that, but there's a point when something you love becomes a JOB, and that sucks. Besides, I think his Lady might be a little miffed if I started remaking...MARKING...the property. *wink*

I think that school is probably my best bet, and I like school, I just don't know what I wanna do when I grow up. *taps foot* It looks like most of the programs that are of IMMEDIATE interest had application deadlines of December 2010, although space might open up...

I'm debating on my hair. I haven't washed it yet because I think I should redye it before SJW, but it's such a hassle trying to keep up with it. Maybe I'll get a hair cut first...see if they can come up with a solution for my fly-away short hairs. THAT is really my frustration, not the silver...

Four days to decide...! Yikes!!!

*bounce*

COFFEEEEEEE!!!! *laughs*

Beloved helped clean the floors (my *least* favorite job) and I knocked out the rest of the chores...so the house is happy clean!

It's a beautiful day today and I'm going to finish some planting and mowing the backyard. I am so very excited about the work I've put in...the veggie plants are due to arrive in two weeks and I need to carve out the box for the peas.

I'm looking forward to a quiet evening with Beloved...maybe even dinner out????

Drum circle is tomorrow OUTSIDE, and it's GOING to be sunny and about 70F! (Don't fuck me over, Mother Nature...we've broken records for rain in April...let the last day be dry, dry, dry...please?!?!)

I've got my plans for SJW in order, although I still need to pick up a key ingredient for my lotion (has anyone ever had problems traveling with essential oils? From what I've read online, my little .25oz bottles shouldn't be a problem, but that's my only concern. Sandalwood is too expensive to just surrender .5oz!)

I've put in a few more job applications, although I should probably give more time to looking at school programs...

(*sigh* I'm a little hyper, I guess...damn it. I don't much like the drastic mood swings...)

Simple fixes

Yesterday was yucky, nasty, hard. It didn't help that the kids were a handful through the afternoon.

But it is amazing what a simple fix of Beloved coming home and excusing me after supper is. I went up to the bedroom at 6:30pm and was asleep for the night by 7:30pm, getting twelve hours of sleep.

I don't like losing my evening with Beloved, but sometimes that is what has to happen. Beloved is just plain amazing about it, too. He is my hero, every day, for giving me permission to take care of myself when I so desperately need it.

On top of that, he helped the kids make a card for me that says "We love you Momma" and there's a dozen roses on the dining room table this morning. *squish*