Every Day...Beautiful

*smiles* I am beginning to think that the reason for THIRTY days is because you start having to dig a little deeper than might be comfortable...

I am beautiful. *gulps* Yes, this has to do with my "outer shell", but it is a hard statement to make or accept.

For me as a survivor, it is dangerous to be beautiful. It can bring unwanted and painful attention. For a long, long time, I hid in tent-sized clothing and long hair. Being beautiful was something I avoided!

Over the years, I have learned that
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? ~ Marianne Williamson

I have had to learn that hiding is not a service and not even a protection to myself. While I have grumbles...my tummy isn't flat, my breasts sag, my flubbies...I have also learned that isn't all that others see (or if it IS, then I don't want their shallowness in my life). I've learned that I DO turn others on with my body and my mind and my spirit. I've learned that it is okay to be beautiful.

Every Day...School

Day 14 - May 14

I have applied for admission to a local college. *raises eyebrow* Does that count? *laughs* My argument is that while I love school and love learning, I have put it OFF for...years. Excuses abound...I already have two degrees and a couple of certificates. I don't have the childcare. I don't have the money. I don't know what I'd study.

Excuses.

So, I took the first step and applied for admission. I plan to take 1-2 classes this summer and see how it goes.

Every Day...Weaknesses

Day 13 - May 13

I recognize my lack of follow-through. Is that something kind to say? Maybe not...but it is a weakness I recognize and therefore I can work on, which is a big kindness.

So...I have problems with follow-through. I'd much rather lose myself in my book than scrub the floors, or work in the garden than keep up with the bathrooms. It's relatively easy to waste the day on the computer or in a thrift store. Even the best intentions for going out can be spoiled by "Well, Girl needs a nap" or "Boy is making this adventure into no fun at all."

So, I am seeking out help in those areas. Some ways that I can be accountable for getting stuff DONE. The one I regularly fall back on is getting other people involved...I'm MEETING So-n-So at the park, or M&C are coming to dinner. That's still external, though. I want to improve my INTERNAL accountability. Ideas are welcome...

Every Day...Thrifty

Day 12 - May 12

I am an economizer. Somehow, we have managed through the years, despite job losses, single incomes, and a growing family. We aren't debt-free...there's a mortgage, car loan, student loans, and some credit card debt...but progress is made and payments are almost always more than the minimum. I supplement with coupons, thrifting, and having a small garden. I go homemade instead of convenience. There's almost always MORE I could be doing...I'm looking into Kaya's homemade detergent and giving up my SoftScrub with bleach...but in general, I think we do pretty well.

Every Day...Organized

Day 11 - May 11

*chuckles* One-third of the way through the month! Only 20 more "nice things" I have to come up with about myself.

I am reasonably organized. No, I'm not going to star on any television shows, but I have a good idea of where stuff is in the house. Wardrobes are labeled for seasons and sizes; all the library books can be found and turned in on time; the children understand that likes go with likes (ie, blocks in one box, guys in another); even when there are apparent RPJs (Random Piles of Junk), I usually know what is IN the pile.

That there is TOO MUCH stuff and I desperately need/want to purge is a different matter...right? :-P

Damn, but it sucks

Sometimes the best, most loving thing we can do is to step aside. We know that the choice will look like betrayal. We know it will hurt someone we love deeply.

We know it's the right choice. But damn, it sucks!

Every Day...Considerate

Day 10 - May 10

Heh...almost didn't make it! But here I am with my kind thought about myself...

I take time to consider others. Maybe that is cheating, but not everyone does. I make sure I have favorite beverages or avoid certain foods for guests. I include non-family members in holiday celebrations, such as stockings for Santa to fill or a basket for the Bunny to visit. I try to provide intuitive service to anyone who enters my life. I am generally good at it and genuinely am fed by the service.

I accept that I need to work on considering MYSELF more often, if only to be more conscious of the time I do use for myself and not feel guilty about enjoying my book or working in the garden. *smiles* I am also working on taking people at face-value...trusting that when they offer, it is a sincere offer and not something I need to pay back in potlatch.