Irony and munchies

Yesterday was a roller coaster. It stared out not so high and dragged me through the lows early. Unfortunately, Shado made himself a target. His claim that he "completely get[s] it" just infuriated me and I laid into him. The close of the argument was that he is going to give me space until I go looking. *sigh* I don't know if he is aware of how horribly burned out I am and how long it might be until I am craving company over alone time. I feel like a selfish bitch, and yet I am so relieved to be left alone.

I was chewing on the "selfish bitch" title when Beloved texted me about my grumpeous mood.

Perhaps you should take a moment out and read some of your own blog today. It can be quite uplifting and I get the impression you could use it.

Definitely some irony there...

I have been pretty grumpy, bitter, callous, and cynical lately. I have been trying...stretching...to break out of this negative rut. Using this blog is one of those tools that allows me to prod myself and really deliberately look for the better vantage point. It was amusing and ironic to be reminded to look at my own words. I appreciate the reminder and at the same time seethe with annoyance. Sometimes I am too stubborn for my own good...this is one of those times. Damn it, I've got my grump on! And I'm gonna grump until I'm done grumping!

Sir was also tease-y about my grump. He calmly told me that I was "being scowled at, grumpy." I responded that his scowls made me happy...totally a Happy Bunny moment, and I did manage a smile.

SSQ and Rain gave me an escape, and we went to the local munch. REALLY glad I went...I was laughing and lighthearted and enjoyed hanging out. It helped that I was sitting across from a cool couple...I friended them on Fet, so maybe maybe there are new people to hang out with.

I also got RiverVixen's phone number...last fall she said I could get some plants from her, but ONLY if I took some ferns, too. Oh, geeeee...twist my arm, why dontcha?! So...I'm hopeful about new freebies for the yard.

The ride home with Rain brought me back to a low point. The theme has been my lamenting my dispassion with motherhood, and others trying to make it easier by telling me how great the kids are, how much they love me, how I do a good job. *sigh* It is hard to explain that while I know I love my id, I really feel like a monster for not liking the stay-at-home gig; that I'm afraid to accept a day, a week, a month "free" because I don't want that time to end and realize it wasn't enough; that I don't think I would ever truly miss my present station as Mom.

*sigh* yeah. Tough.

healthy LIFEstyle

I am quickly coming to the conclusion that being "healthy" takes a hellva lot of time! Jeez. Today, I had physical therapy for and hour and a half, spent about 2 hours at the gym, and plan to spend another hour on a nutrition class tonight. If you add in driving time, I will have spent nearly 7 hours on "health". And yet, I'm still (technically speaking) overweight and out of shape.

When does it get easier???

Good-bye Moon?

I was talking with a friend who did the NovaSure procedure 18 months ago and couldn't be happier with the results. I had to see my gynecologist this morning because of the HPV, so I asked her about it.

I had tubal ligation when Girl was born and Beloved did a vasectomy, so we are DONE having babies. Since getting off birth control pills in 2006, I've dealt with menorrhagia (heavy and long periods with a very short cycle). The doctor said that the combination makes me an ideal candidate.

The possibility of not having moontimes is awesome, but even if the only result was I didn't end up borderline anemic every month would be worth it. No, it's not my imagination... I have been rejected as a blood donor because my iron was too low. I realize there is a small fantasy, but recovering my energy levels to what I used to have would be fabulous.

Use words!

Typically, when someone asks, “How are you?” you reply, “I’m okay" or “I’m fine.”

I believe I have mentioned my thoughts on F.I.N.E. Being "fine" is a code between me and Beloved, and it really translates to being

Fucked up,
Insecure,
Neurotic, and
Emotional

It's a good code. I mean, how often do you hear someone angrily or sarcastically say, "Oh, yeah, I'm just fine!"

On top of my own idiocracy, there is more random web-wanderings that I have chosen to inflict on you. There are 171,476 words in the Second Edition of the 20-volume Oxford English Dictionary, and yet the average American knows only about 60,000. That means people don't use three-quarters of the words in the dictionary! That is insane!

Worse though, studies have found that people who are prompted to convey emotion tend to be negative. This and the dystopias I mentioned on Saturday have got me thinking. How much of our attitude is based on the words that we use? What would happen if we all tried to use language that was skewed to be positive? How might the emotional charge of a language correlate with cultural norms and social features?

So, I have a new challenge. It is vaguely inspired by Girl, because we are constantly encouraging her to "use words". It is partly born out of harder conversation with Beloved over our date night. It is a "fake it 'til you make it" thought that if the attitude changes, perhaps the outlook will improve.

Use words that encourage happiness.

happy, alive, fabulous, ecstatic, inspired, marvelous, content, terrific, amazing, exuberant, relaxed, tickled, merry, wonderful, beautiful, euphoric, lighthearted, vivacious, heavenly, awesome, magnificent, fortunate, blessed, glad, thrilled

Help me out here...what else?

The challenge is not only use the words...MEAN THEM. I'm pretty sure that EVERY DAY I can find some reason to be happy. Care to try this challenge out with me?

Happy Ostara and Passover and Easter!

I figure that most of readers know the Jewish and Christian celebrations for this holiday...the escape of the Israelites from Egyptian slavery and the resurrection of Jesus Christ...but there are always little details that escape us. Did you know:

* Christians recognize Passover as a holy day? Maundy Thursday commemorates the Last Supper of Jesus Christ with the Apostles, and that last meal together was celebrating Passover (remember, Jesus was a Jew). According to John 13:34, Jesus said "Mandatum novum do vobis ut diligatis invicem sicut dilexi vos" ("A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you"), which is where Maundy Thursday comes from. This last meal is also the basis for the sharing of the "Body and Blood" in communion.

* When the second-century Christian missionaries encountered the Anglo-Saxon tribes of the north, they realized it would have been suicide to disavow the pagan celebrations. Instead, the missionaries spread their religious message slowly throughout the populations by allowing them to continue to celebrate pagan feasts, but with Christian observance. Ostara overlaps with the Resurrection of Christ, and the missionaries altered the festival itself, to making it a Christian celebration as converts were slowly won over.

* The date of Easter is a fixed thing, it just isn't a fixed date. I've wondered why the holiday moves so drastically (Easter is early or late this year). It turns out that in 325 AD, the Council of Nicaea was convened by Emperor Constantine. They announced the date of Easter is the first Sunday after the full moon (the Paschal Full Moon) following the northern hemisphere's vernal equinox (although even that isn't followed precisely...If the Equinox falls on March 20th, things get confused again). This allowed missionaries to officially cite connections to the pagan celestial celebrations. Anyhow, by this reckoning, celebration of Easter varies between April 4 and May 8 on the Gregorian calendar.

* The Easter Bunny is a tie-back of pre-Christian fertility lore. The Hare and the Rabbit were the most fertile animals known and they served as symbols of the new life during the spring season. The Easter Bunny shows up in German writings in the 1500s. The first edible Easter bunnies were pastry and sugar made in Germany during the early 1800s. The Easter bunny was introduced to American folklore by the German settlers who arrived in the Pennsylvania Dutch country during the 1700s. The arrival of the "Oschter Haws" was considered "childhood's greatest pleasure" next to a visit from Christ-Kindel on Christmas Eve.

* Another pre-Christian legacy is the colored eggs. From the earliest times, the egg was a symbol of rebirth in most cultures. In the Dutch tradition, eggs were wrapped in gold leaf. Peasants, lacking such luxury, would colored their eggs by boiling them with the leaves or petals of certain flowers.

* Easter by its self was not widely celebrated in America until after the Civil War. By that time, the cultural bits about hares and eggs got strung together in the American melting pot: a white hare would leave brightly colored eggs and baskets of chocolates, candy chicks, jelly beans and other gifts for all good children on Easter morning.

And now you know... I hope you enjoy your goodies!

Two dystopias in two days

Perhaps it was an odd way to celebrate our anniversary, but Beloved and I invested our date time into a pair of dystopias. Beloved and I saw Hunger Games and then attended a play, Rise of the Numberless. It was very interesting to have such very different visions contrasted in such a short time.

Hunger Games left me cranky and irritated. I did not much care for the movie, although I think they did a very good job of translating it from a book (unlike the Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings, where they tried to cram every last detail in). I dunno...I guess I was hoping for something more at the end. It IS a trilogy, so I suppose I need to be patient (or perhaps get my hands on the books and some free time).

Rise of the Numberless was a performance in a teenie tiny arthouse theater. Seriously, the entire room, including tickets, stage, seating, and music, was smaller than my first floor. The audience was matched by the number of performers involved. The story was presented in such a way that the audience was a part of the setting, rather than watching it. I left the play feeling more energized, although I didn't think they did a great job of presenting it. Beloved and I have hashed out several ideas we would push if WE were in charge...

Other than that, Rain, bless her, took child-watch for an overnight. Beloved and I got a chintzy hotel in the Gold Coast and played board games until after midnight, slept in until 9am, showered, and played more board games while munching on SSQ's delicious scones and lemon curd. Seriously, it was a pretty awesome way to spend our anniversary celebration!

Five Favorite Song Lyrics

Guess what?! This makes ***30*** posts! I'm only six days over. hahaha. Maybe I'll find another challenge and continue to torture you. I'll think about it. In the meantime, favorite song lyrics... I appreciate that including the lyrics makes this post really long, but I hope you will at least read the bit about WHY I like each of these.


Out on the Mira
Beloved learned this song in his high school Choraliers, and he has sung it as a lullaby for me since we were dating. Perhaps the most tender sharing of the song was when we were in labor with Boy and had been transferred to the hospital at 30+ hours. He fell asleep with the words on his lips, holding my hand. We both sing it regularly to the kids.

Out on the Mira on warm afternoons
Old men go fishing with black line and spoons,
And if they catch nothing they never complain,
And I wish I was with them again.

chorus: Can you imagine a piece of the universe
More fit for princes and Kings
I'll trade you ten of your cities For Marion Bridge
And the pleasure it brings

As boys in the boats call to girls on the shore,
Teasing the ones that they dearly adore
And into the evening the courting begins,
And I wish I was with them again
chorus
Out on the Mira on soft summer nights
Bonfires blaze to the children's delight
They dance round the flames singing songs with their friends,
And I wish I was with them again.
chorus
And over the ashes the stories are told
Of witches and werewolves and Oak Island gold.
Stars on the riverface sparkle and spin.
I wish I was with them again
chorus
Out on the Mira, the people are kind -
They'll treat you to homebrew, and help you unwind.
And if you come broken they'll see that you mend
I wish I was with them again
chorus
Now I'll conclude with a wish you go well.
Sweet be your dreams, and your happiness swell.
I'll leave you here for my journey begins,
I'm going to be with them again.


Cruel Crazy Beautiful World
Perhaps there is a tie because of my "Uncle Mafa", but Johnny Clegg is Le Zoulou Blanc, "The White Zulu," who became an important figure in South African popular music history at a time when bridging the cultural gap was to take your life in your own hands. I admire the courage, the rawness of the songs. I love the ethnic flavors (and am amused when Beloved teases me about my non-English bands, since I also enjoy Lady Blacksmith Mambazo and Tjapukai). This particular song echoes in my heart. The lyrics are here, but to appreciate the energy of the song, please listen to it.

You got to wash with the crocodile in the river
You got to swim with the sharks in the sea
You got to live with the crooked politician
Trush those things that you can never see
Ayeye ayeye jesse mfana (jesse boy) ayeye ayeye (x2)

You got to trust your lover when you go away,
Keep on believeing tomorrow brings a better day.
Sometimes you smile while you'r cryin' inside,
Just once you'll turn away while the truth be shinin' bright.
Ayeye ayeye jesse mfana ayeye ayeye (x2)

Chorus:
It's a cruel crazy beautiful world
Every (day first and third chorus)(time second Chorus) you wake up I hope it's under a blue sky.
It's a cruel crazy beautiful world
One day when you wake up I will have to say goodbye
Say goodbye -- It's your world so live in it! Goodbye

(first-third chorus only)
It's your world so live in it!(x11)

Beyond the door, strange cruel beautiful years are waiting for you
It kills me to know you won't escape loneliness,
Maybe you lose hope too
Ayeye ayeye jesse mfana ayeye ayeye (x2)

Chorus

When I hold your small body close to mine
I feel weak and strong at the same time
So few years to give you wings to fly
Show you stars to guide your ship by

Chorus

It's your world so live in it


I hope you dance
I don't remember when I first heard this song by Lee Ann Womack, but every time I do hear it, tears spring to my eyes and I always think of my mom in the lyrics. I can hear her nudging me, encouraging me. Dance.

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin' might mean takin' chances, but they're worth takin'
Lovin' might be a mistake, but it's worth makin'
Don't let some Hellbent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to sellin' out, reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along)
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder, where those years have gone?)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

Dance
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along)
I hope you dance
I hope you dance



Wear Sunscreen
Besides the advice being all things that each and every one of us would do well to adopt, I love the story behind this song. The song version was released by Baz Luhrmann in 1999, but is was originally written Mary Schmich and published in the Chicago Tribune. In her introduction to the column, she described it as the commencement speech she would give if she were asked to give one. The post went viral and was attributed to Kurt Vonnegut and the MIT commencement, losing the original author. (Incidentally, the column was well-received by Vonnegut. Months after the snafu, he told the New York Times, "What she wrote was funny, wise and charming, so I would have been proud had the words been mine.")

Luhrmann and company decided to use it but were doubtful of getting through to Vonnegut for permission before their deadline, which was only one or two days away. While searching the internet for contact information they came upon the "Sunscreen Controversy" and discovered that Schmich was the actual author. They emailed her and, with her permission, recorded the song the next day.

As a child, Schmich had dreamed of being a song writer. Fate may take an alternate route, but sometimes dreams really do come true!

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '97,

Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis or reliable then my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice....now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, nevermind, you won't understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded, but trust me in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future, or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.

The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind: the kind that blindsides you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts; don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive; forget the insults. (if you succeed in doing this, tell me how).

Keep your old love letters; throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives; some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of Calcium. Be kind to your knees -- you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40; maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.

Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body: use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it; it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance...even if you have no where to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions (even if you don't follow them).

Do not read beauty magazines; they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents; you never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings: they're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but what a precious few should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps and geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.

Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old; and when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse, but you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you are 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia;dispensing it is a way of wishing the past from the disposal--wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts, and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me, I'm the sunscreen.


I'm Getting My Act Together And Taking It On The Road
Written by Gretchen Cryer with music by Nancy Ford, this is actually a 1978 Off Broadway musical. I grew up listening to it on my parents tape deck and it contains a number of songs that I have often referenced. The need to be free, to buck expectations, to be a strong woman in spite of the odds, to celebrate who you ARE, and to rejoice with people who will celebrate with you...These are powerful messages told through a painfully familiar story. I don't know a woman who can't identify with some part of this musical. Unfortunately, I'm cheating here...I'm not going to give you all the lyrics of all the songs. You have a link...if you really wanna know, you'll find it.