Yes, I know it's true
that visions are seldom all they seem
But if I know you, I know what you'll do
You'll love me at once
the way you did once upon a dream
At what point does one become an icon in the community? When does the follower become the leader? More specifically, when does the confidence kick in? There are blogs that are widely read, books that are published, presentations that are paid for... Or is it something else?
I've established groups, I've had my writings published, I've been invited to present...and yet I still feel like a small, lost fish in the ocean. I still daydream of feeling worthy of the community to which I try to serve.
Maybe "feeling worthy" and "serving the community" are your problem, in that they keep your perspective inferior. The community is just a bunch of folks, some of whom are appreciative, though some are nasty and some fall in between. And worthiness is simply a matter of having something good to offer.
ReplyDeleteSubmission is not a sign you're worth any less than the people you submit to. Quite the contrary--if you were worth less, your submission would be worth less, and it's not.
Please accept the compliment that people want to publish your writings and hear you speak. And please don't spend so much energy and attention serving that you don't soak in the love and appreciation of those who cherish you.
I hope to see you tonight at the gathering. Even if not, take care of yourself, and let your family take care of you some of the time.
hey there...i'm a 'nilla who who has 4 kids, 2 under age 5, one a newbie teen and the eldest a mentally disabled adult who turned 24 last week, but who acts (and is percieved) as a mid-teen.
ReplyDelete(phew that was mouthful!)
imho, i think you're tired, and a bit overworked. Add in the extra work you are doing in your kink community, and it's no wonder you're tired, feeling overworked, and frustrated. Can't speak to your exact circumstances, but I take my hat off to you! You're doin' the work of more than one person there...so do yourself a treat....If I may make a suggesion? ....see if you can go and draw yourself a lovely bath, and go hide in the tub for 15 minutes or a half hour...whatever you can squeeze out. Don't bring a book. Maybe one candle. you are there to do nothing...just breathe, and soak. no lights on, just that one candle. imagine all your emotion hurts oozing out of your pores and into the bathwater. As the tub cools, your frustrations are chilled away.
come out of your tub empty, clean inside and let the love for your family, and your family's love for you swell up and fill those fresh, empty places inside where your hurts uere before.
blessed be, and hugs...
Nilla