I am frustrated because I can't seem to have a conversation with Beloved about my submission. Every time, we BOTH end up feeling like failures or defensive. I know I feel like I just need to shut the fuck up and deal. Or maybe I should say submit. Except that the only ones I feel like I'm submitting to are UberDom and UberDomme.
Even in the groups, I feel like I'm not serving well. I excused the household from drum circles for the rest of the year. I've tried to solicit ideas for a gathering for the poly group and the DOM, but no one seems really interested. I cleaned out my memberships from a bunch of groups that all I got was mass-mailings that weren't relevant to me.
Maybe I'm trying too hard. Maybe if I just let go, stop struggling so hard, it will get easier.
Or maybe this is a warning sign? Am I'm throwing my hands up and giving up on everything because I'm tired and frustrated?
I don't know. I just don't know any more.
