LunaKM asks, "Are you ever jealous of time your {primary} spends with other partners in the relationship? How do you cope with that?"
The question has been asked of me by different people in different relationships. My answer is that sometimes I DO get jealous, but that jealousy is a signal to me to examine what is going on in ME.
Beloved and I have a strong friendship and a deep marriage. We've had a lot of roller coasters to get here and the ride isn't half over yet, but I do not have any doubt that Beloved is "coming home" to me and the children. If I am feeling jealous, I need to look at the reasons for it. Most often, it is because I am over-tired and stressed out with the children and I am missing the relief Beloved offers when he walks in that door. In that case, the simple solution is to take advantage of the "free" evening by catching some more sleep.
Easier said than done, though. The prospect of going to sleep alone in the big bed is not one either one of us relish. Beloved has in fact slept on the couch on one or two occasions that I have overnighted somewhere, and I often indulge Boy (and soon Girl, when she's not so likely to fall out) by allowing them to sleep with me. Or I rearrange the pillows so that I can cuddle up against Beloved's scent. Maybe that is a dodge, a bandaide, but it works for us.
Sometimes, I will very clearly ask that a particular date be set aside for US. That has bitten me in the ass a couple of times when I put so much importance on an event that is subject to {childcare, finances, energy}. Sometimes it's a real let down when things fail to go my way and I sulk for a while.
Sometimes, I indulge in naughty chats with strangers, flirting and making THEM jealous of Beloved and bolster my self-esteem by being desirable and unattainable. I enjoy that high quite a bit.
Sometimes, I vent my emotions in chores around the house. That is occasionally correctly interpreted by Beloved as "pixie needs some attention"...sometimes not. That is a tricky navigation, because in that case *I* am not communicating with Beloved the way I should. Maybe that is a warning to you...if you find yourself hoping your primary will notice something, you should TELL them. Maybe leave a note ("Could you look at ABC before you come to bed?"). *sigh* That seems like a leading question, and it is...it is a plea-code for "NOTICE ME AND REMIND ME YOU LOVE ME!" I don't have the perfect answer, because I do fall into this pattern, but being aware helps.
Do you have other coping mechanisms for when your partner is gallivanting the countryside?
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