Where?

I'm hiding. From you, from Beloved, from myself. I guess that is the succinct way of putting it.

Beloved called me on it this evening, commenting that he seems to be "missing" me more and more. I don't know what to answer. He's been so stressed about work that HE is seeking out his own escape mechanisms. I'm fighting with my inbalances by trying other outlets to relieve him of MY stresses. Burrowing into "work", I started another blog focusing on mommyhood and the kids and homeschooling. I'm attending a homeschooling conference this weekend while Beloved is away at GenCon. *smirks* So many of the homeschooling conference goers are very very uber-Christian...I'm having a hard time biting my tongue. Maybe the green hair is enough of a "heads up, I'm different" flag that no one wants to dig too deep? *wry laugh* But I'm trying to stay honestly busy. Head down, move forward. If I am going to be home with the kids, then maybe that is supposed to be my focus.

*sigh* Except it's not. I know that. I'm achy inside. Knowing that the D/s didn't fulfill my wildest dreams of completion and satisfaction doesn't change the fact that the hole I was trying to plug is flung wide open again. I sympathize with BP's difficulties. They finally found a cap that worked...I wonder if I will ever find success.

I feel a little slouchy for canceling a date with Rabbit tonight, but given that I was up with Beloved at 2:20am, and then both the kids woke up just as I was climbing back into bed at 3am, and now I'm writing and just a little wired and I'm *supposed* to go to the conference all day... *sigh* Well, yeah. I think a little solitude and an early bedtime is in order. (Sorry, Lady...I really hope you DO understand!)

Anyhow...I'm here. I'm okay...maybe a little FINE, but I'm okay.