LunaKM asks, "If you could go back in time and restart your journey into BDSM would you do anything differently? Would you have read more? Gone to a Munch sooner?"
Amusing question at this particular point. MAYBE...maybe following up with the idea of actual contractual training outside? For both of us? Or maybe not coinciding the D/s journey with that of learning parenting?
I definitely would not have read more...the bits that I HAVE read generally lead to comparisons and "I'm doing it wrong" complexes. If we didn't have the children, attending more of the community social events might have changed things. It took finding the "right" crowd to make that sort of thing enjoyable, though. We attended some things early on and felt...cold shouldered? Those experiences certainly flavored Beloved's interest in attending further.
Would I know what I know NOW? *wry smile* If we'd been able to avoid the pitfall of "playing to others" better, that might have saved us a lot of irritation.
*shrug* All of that is the long way of saying I don't know what might have changed the path. MTR aptly commented that it takes two to tango. So...I don't know.
...and to LunaKM, I would suggest going to munches (sooner rather than later). Like Pixie, it took SSQ and I a while to find the right crowd where we fit it. We too were given a bit of cold-sholder when we first walked (dove-into the deep-end) of this lifestyle and entered our first BDSM club.
ReplyDeleteOnly after a lot of trial-and-error, experimentation, and meeting/talking with a LOT of other people did we discover our inner-desires, who/what kinds of people, personalities, and roles, makes us happy. Unfortunately BDSM - or D/S lifestyles are often a lot like high school. There is a steep learning curve, a distinct pecking order (Freshmen, Sophomores, Juniors, Seniors), and a wide variety of social "clicks/clubs" (all with their associated "dramas" - LOL). Like high school, you need to decide if you want to hang-out with the preppies, the sporto's, the freaks.... Honestly, we're all probably freaks -- *wink* --- but do you want to hang with the Domly-Doms, the Fun-Doms, the Sadistic-Subs the sadistic-sluts, the silly-sissies ... the list goes on.
Like in anything in life, finding the right friends, (those that match your personality and interests) -- the right "fit" as it were -- can mean the difference between success and failure.
- David (HBY) of the couple HBYnSSQ