I admit that I am jaded and perhaps even bias when it comes to death because of my family's experiences. I was fourteen when my mom died from cancer complications. Her passing was a sweet relief because it really had been hell for most of that year. I've helped plan more than a dozen funerals of friends and family since then.
The poem goes, "Some people come into our lives and ... leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same..." Recognizing the blessing, the impact a person has made in my life, however brief the relationship, is important. I am grateful for the footsteps, and hopeful that the end is swift and easy.
A good friend's mother died yesterday from cancer. I'm thrown back into my own memories, my own aches, and my own needs. At the same time, I know that Beloved thinks my views on death are morbid and that my relief that it is OVER is not common.
Right now, his loss sluices through me. I want so badly to help, although his family seriously is a CLAN and there is no need for another set of hands. Mostly, it is selfish...I want to share my knowledge and make sure there is good food to eat because at a time like this, who thinks about food? I want to accept the burden of tears and hurt because it is light for me. I want to purge my own hurts by carrying theirs.
Your relief that it is over is MORE common than you think it is. I share the same view myself. I've worked in hospice and watched people die slowly and painfully. It IS a relief when they go because at that point in their lives their quality of life is terrible and they are suffering.
ReplyDeleteYour desire to help is not uncommon and your feeling those hurts is common too. Since they are working so well as a family unit, send flowers or wait till the dust settles after the funeral. It is often at that time people disband and the loved ones of the deceased need the help. Then offer to bring over a favorite dish or buy them some gorceries etc.