Yeah, I'm back on the frustrated-defeatism wagon, and once again, it started with an innocent birthday party invite...
Boy was invited to a classmate's birthday party, which is cool. He was very excited about seeing some of his former classmates (he transferred to a different school in February). Me...*sigh* I had nigglies of anxiety when I realized it was hosted at home, and all of those nigglies came out fact. Huge, beautiful house with a landscaped yard and a Rainbow Play House in the back. A dedicated playroom. A pile of store-bought gifts. A store-bought cake. Themed party games, favor bags, and decorations.
On the one hand, I rail against all that. It isn't what I want to teach my children...it isn't about the STUFF! Or at least, it's not supposed to be.
But I find myself frustrated, despite what I preach. Beloved and I struggle to make ends meet. Most of the time, we do pretty well. Amazing friends, supportive family, good times. I am teaching tips on thrifting.
But without fail, my confidence waivers and my positive outlooks darken when I am faced with the lifestyle of other parental-counterparts. *pouts* How do they DO it???
remmy:
ReplyDeleteYou know what though pixie. Your kids get something that can't be bought with $$. They get the love and support from their mom and dad. I'm not saying that the other parents don't offer that.. but too many parents try to buy their childrens love.
I do miss you and hope I am even a fraction of the mother that you are.
Sterling:
You want to know what they risk? In short, everything.
How do they do it you ask? Fiscal Irresponsibility. They charge it knowing that they can't afford it, but it'll make their kids happy right? So it's all worth it. Or so they tell themselves.
Eventually it comes time to pay the piper and they have no coin to handle it. Then they have to struggle and do whatever they can just to keep a roof over their heads.
As this past recession and massive foreclosures has shown, they don't always succeed.
You're taking the slower, but steadier route.
Remember who won that particular race and just as importantly WHY he won.
Pixie_mschf:
@Remmy and Sterling-Sir...damn it, I miss you guys!!! I do know...I know it's stupid, stupid, stupid...it's the social brainwashing of "keep up with the Jones'" because if we don't buy, buy, buy, the economy collapses and we drown in recession... but even though it is stupid, and I KNOW IT'S STUPID, that doesn't make it any less powerful. Like the jealousy and possessiveness doesn't simply disappear when you decided to live a poly-lifestyle...
bigsofty:
I agree with all of u here.I was brought up let's just say we were so poor we couldn't afford to pay attention.lol.My most memorable things that I recieved from my parents were things I worked hard to earn.We had good christmas's but we never had big fancy gifts but things we needed. U know the stockings were my most special part of christmas.I remember it was the only things we were aloud to touch right after we woke our parents.So now when we have christmas with my dad we get stockings cause it is a special low cost present and the fun stuff u can find to fill it.
To answer ur problem about birthday parties going overboard.I never had a store bought cake for any occasion til I graduated from High school.We were brought up with homemade food and I learned to budget that way.I am very careful to pay my bills first.Have a roof over my head,a phone and heat.If I have moneu for food great if not oh weel there is always the soup kitchen.So i know what u r talking about even if i don't have kids I was one who learned a valueable lessen from a poor upbringing that is to be secure in who I am and not what not I have.
Tamin:
ReplyDeleteMy precious pixie friend, a suggested reframing, if I may offer one. The Jones' children will not have the same life lessons that your littles will have when they grow up. When the Jones' children attend a hoity-toity college and are faced with making decisions - perhaps for the first time in their privileged lives - they may find they turn to their friends, pixie's gems, and ask for advice bc they seem to have such an insightful and thoughtful head on their shoulders. (That's what happened when I went to a hoity-toity school!) The haves may not "have it all," you see. They may not learn to think for themselves or how to think on their feet. your children will have that advantage and be better positioned to be responsible caring adults. Sometimes, the Jones' think they have a corner on that by providing privilege. My experience in life has taught me the Jones' children simply feel entitled. That a bitch of a sacrifice in the long run.
Don't deny The Boy the opportunity to see how the Jones' live. It's great sensitivity training. We're all different. It takes all kinds. Everyone can be our friend. Instill the value of the gifts given and received regardless of price.
More sacrifice on the part of the Jones' I'm guessing!
hugs and admiration for the path you are on
bifemmefatale:
@Tamin--eloquent answer. Couldn't have said it better myself.