While not perfect, it had been a pretty reasonable week. Mostly quiet...carefully hiding my wounds, dutifully avoiding triggers, diligently seeking professional help. heh.
There is a certain amount of irony that must be appreciated here. I have an emotional crisis and finally hit the point that I should probably try in-patient help only to come home and find a letter from the insurance company that they are changing services to a provide I can not and will never again trust. *sigh* We're working on the bureaucracy. In the mean time, I might end up paying $200/visit out of pocket.
damn it.
But four days, and I thought maybe I was managing. Maybe I was putting the pieces back together enough...
It was not intentional, but Beloved drew me out, offered a new version of a trigger, and I collapsed in tears and loathing.
Tonight, he is out with people he met at Tryst. People he met with Sunshine at Tryst. Because of the emotional chaos I created, I wasn't mentioned. They know Saul and Sunshine as a couple, and they invited Saul and Sunshine as a couple. Although he offered the differentiation from D&d's "advanced poly" class...that there is a unique dynamic between us...I can't help but feel sponged out...replaced.
If I had asked, he would have stayed home. *sad smile* I don't want to be one of those people who expect YOU to be miserable just because I am. Still...ouch.
