Haunted

If you put it out to the Universe, the Universe will answer, or so I believe. There is also the mythos that you do not speak the name of an evil because doing so will draw its attention.

I have been digging up my past, and there are lots of things that I have no answers for. Perhaps longing for answers opened the door for the flood of the last 48 hours.

My sister is not evil, but from the moment of her birth, she has been an incredible drama. Congenital defects are like that. She wasn't expected to live to 18, and now she is 34. She has been full of rage and anger all her life, and who am I to blame her? She has spent years severing ties with anyone who got too close to her.

The last friendly communication I had with her was in 2004. There have been more recent exchanges, but nothing that left an opening. I thought I had mourned the hurt and betrayal and had moved on.

Friday night, I received a cryptic message from a high school friend that said " I'm very worried about your sister. Now would be a good time to call her." I left a message on her voice mail and turned to the few people I knew who might still have contact with her. I have been piecing a puzzle together from a string of broken relationships, and my heart aches anew.

I have had text contact with my sister, insisting that she is fine (remember what I think of the word fine?). What I have pieced together from others is that she has become addicted to pain medications, has stopped taking her heart medications ("the doctor said I didn't need them anymore, so I threw them in a corner" was how someone reported it), is presumably homeless (no one I have talked to knows where she is actually staying, but someone said she said "there is running water and I can sleep on the floor"), increasingly erratic, and has started to sever the few remaining connections.

The last person I spoke with was a family friend who has known us more than 30 years and was cursed out of my sister's life only a month or two ago. As I explain all of the pieces I'd gathered, she sighed. "That explains a lot...It sounds like you have wrapped your head around the situation pretty well." Yes, I know what is going on.

My sister is preparing to die alone.

There is nothing I can do, except wait and be haunted by wishes that things could be different.