Flying

The skydiving experience was intense, both on the ground and in the air.



Boy and Beloved practicing on the cement.




Flying from 14,000 feet

Contrary to others' comments, Beloved did not bound off the field ready to go again, but he was exhilarated to have done it. According to him, it was more of a spinny-ride than anything, and I might really enjoy it. Who knows...I *might* go next time.

Nothing else matters

It has been a difficult time. The challenges of D/s, roommates, issues with my doctor, Boy being sick, summer tensions. I've all over the place. One minute I'm laughing, the next I'm in tears. Last minute, I considered taking a guitar class, and in an epiphany, decided that dropping a bunch of stuff to pick up a bunch of new stuff was insanely stupid. I have been taking everything on board when what I need to do is slow down.

I can't tell is Mylie is teasing or annoyed when she says I don't know how to relax. I only know she's right. I think I lost that particular knowledge some time in the seventh grade when my mom was dying. If I work harder, I can ignore all the chaos around me.

Beloved has been very gentle with me. Sometimes, I make it hard for him to love me when I needed it the most...and this time, he's pretty much ignored that, even bringing me roses.

Last night, we played a game of RoboRally, just the two of us. We did a bit of final pick-up and found ourselves working together in the bathroom...the one that has been gross and embarrassing since we moved in. Thanks to the help of Halder and Mylie, it's been turned around, and we were putting some almost-last-steps up...a shower curtain, towel paper holder, paint touch-ups. We worked until 12:30 am and were rewarded with the first shower in two weeks this morning.

This afternoon, the house was quiet, and Beloved and I were lying naked in bed, just talking. Some intimate conversation, whispered secrets, shared lusts to entwine us, and I feel okay again. Not quite balanced, but closer to it. We reached another level of understand between each other. He told me that he wanted it all, all the love and all emotions, all of me. That there was no need to crawl back into D/s, that we could allow it to creep back into us.

It's funny...I'm not really a Metallica fan, but right now, it's their lyrics that are just plain right.

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I dont just say
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know

So close no matter how far
Couldnt be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
No nothing else matters

Best. Wife. Ever.

*grin*

That was Beloved's response to my offer to set up a skydiving appointment for him this Sunday. He's been wanting to go for years, got talked out of it by others last year, and now has a friend who will go with him. So....

*deep breath* Boy and I will either go out to the field and watch, or hide at home. I'm leaning towards the former, though...I wanna see his face when he gets back to earth.

re: Slave Wanted

Hello Master Saul,

I received your advertisement a few days ago, and I thought I should answer. I'm sorry that it has been a difficult to sort thoughts out in my head, but I think I finally have a grasp on my desire. By writing this, I rescind my safeword, although I would like to continue to discuss the relationship as we have been.

I am a bisexual woman with submissive leanings. Many have said that I am cute and beautiful, and I try to be appealing. I am 32 years old, 5'4" and 185 lbs.

Although there are particular kinds of pain that I enjoy, I am not a glutton for punishment. I have been marked up before and I do not enjoy beatings taken to that level. I am far more interested in the sensual play that you mentioned in your ad. I have enjoyed being bathed and thoroughly rubbed out after a long day. I also enjoy giving physical care and attention to my Master. Intense studies of the body fascinate me.

I am a skilled cook, experienced in housekeeping and home accounting, and continue to practice parenting. I am also spirited and teasing, and I do not wish to surrender that to anyone. It is very important to me that I be allowed to play and laugh and dance. I also wish my Master to understand that while I may not always submit gracefully or without complaint, I will do my best to fulfill your requests...eventually.

Speaking to your specific points:

- I enjoy sex. I also enjoy flirting, cyber play, and have polyamorous tendencies. I do not have a problem with expressing my enjoyment of my Master, but being denied would be very challenging to me and has lead to resentment in the past.

- In general, I am very susceptible to disappointment-punishment. I strive to please, to go beyond expectation. The physical punishments that I have received have not really helped me grow and learn from my mistakes, while the explanation of my failure and clear disappointment of my Master has wounded me severely.

- Fellatio is an art form worthy of perfection. I will not claim to have mastered all of the nuances, but I do believe I am skilled.

- Social service is natural to me. I enjoy searching out events and opportunities, hosting guests, and sharing knowledge. I would be happy to be of service to you in this way.

- I am a little concerned about your comments of possessiveness. I am protective, yes, but I'm not likely to "mark my territory". That is part of the poly in me. I do like showing off for my Master and hope to make others envious of him because of me.

- Role-play can be fun and I am open to such suggestions.

I hope that speaks to your desires and outlines mine. If you find my requests and considerations acceptable, please consider me for your service submissive.

in service,

pixie

"You are thinking too much."

That is something I hear often...even admit it myself often. Yesterday, it was repeated several times by Beloved as he nuzzled and cuddled me. I am making a molehill into a mountain, thinking too much, worrying about what labels and definitions the rest of the world uses.

The relationship I have with Beloved isn't definable. It is fluid, changing, filling, adapting to Life. It doesn't matter if I call myself a wife, slave, CEO, or SO. It's still our relationship, and it will continue to be our relationship regardless of what anyone says about it.

"You can decide to box the D/s stuff up and put it away," Beloved said. "Or we can open it back up and explore. But you need to decide."

Because a non-decision IS a decision. I'm thinking too much.
*soft sigh*

There are things that are slipping back into our life...the things we LIKED about the D/s relationship. His requests for specific chores, his taking me, his stern looks that dare me to contradict him.

What am I afraid of?
Being broken, losing my brat, destroying my spirit. I don't wanna surrender myself.

But do I have to? Really? What about what Beloved wants? That's more important, isn't it? He wants a slave who is subservient and at the same time has a spirit that is somewhat untamable. He wants a slave who is freed through her servitude. He wants a slave who is both competent and will play and laugh and dance at any time.

I think...no...I think too much. That IS what I want too.

Caught in the act...

Oh my god! this made me laugh so hard...I had to share!

Ikea advertisement

Fear of the dark

MJ's slave wrote:
just what is it you fear?? What we fear often tells more than what we seek...


I am afraid to relinquish control because I felt pushed almost to the point of breaking. I deserved the punishment I got at the hands of Cole and Beloved. I took it and I have tried very hard to repent and show some semblance of worthiness.

At the point that I safeworded out, I was afraid of being hurt beyond what I could take. Less the physical pain, more the mental pain. I was afraid of being beaten to the point of broken, mostly because I had already expressed concern to Beloved and he seemed not to care.

I couldn't take another beating like the last one. I was chained down and the flogger was whipping around and biting my thighs. The tight control that takes combined with the seemingly unfeeling...sadistic...way Beloved reacted to my protests...

*shakes head*

I am no submissive. I do not have the courage it takes to submit under that kind of duress. While I have total and complete faith that Beloved will take care of me, catch me, I am afraid of what happens when he has to go to work, when I am left alone. I'm afraid to be broken, afraid of what I will do if I am broken.