"You are thinking too much."

That is something I hear often...even admit it myself often. Yesterday, it was repeated several times by Beloved as he nuzzled and cuddled me. I am making a molehill into a mountain, thinking too much, worrying about what labels and definitions the rest of the world uses.

The relationship I have with Beloved isn't definable. It is fluid, changing, filling, adapting to Life. It doesn't matter if I call myself a wife, slave, CEO, or SO. It's still our relationship, and it will continue to be our relationship regardless of what anyone says about it.

"You can decide to box the D/s stuff up and put it away," Beloved said. "Or we can open it back up and explore. But you need to decide."

Because a non-decision IS a decision. I'm thinking too much.
*soft sigh*

There are things that are slipping back into our life...the things we LIKED about the D/s relationship. His requests for specific chores, his taking me, his stern looks that dare me to contradict him.

What am I afraid of?
Being broken, losing my brat, destroying my spirit. I don't wanna surrender myself.

But do I have to? Really? What about what Beloved wants? That's more important, isn't it? He wants a slave who is subservient and at the same time has a spirit that is somewhat untamable. He wants a slave who is freed through her servitude. He wants a slave who is both competent and will play and laugh and dance at any time.

I think...no...I think too much. That IS what I want too.