Last night we went to Halder's softball game. I don't think either he nor his girl have caught up with my blog as they acted completely normal with us, but Beloved took a much more Dominate role with me. I raised an eyebrow a few times and on the way home, I asked him where we were at.
His answer was basically that *I* was the one who called it quits. He was giving me space to sort things out in my own head and decide, so it was up to me where we were at.
*sigh* I guess I hadn't expected that answer. It's true, and I can see it, but I was hoping for some help on this.
In some ways, I did thrive in the submission. In some ways, I want to beg him to Master me. In some ways, I am angry that he doesn't just lay down the law...instead he lets me stumble on my own. How can I be so resistant to something I need and want???
*sigh*
I will be more than happy to help you if you help me know how.
ReplyDeleteThe reason I took the stance I did was because of the way in which you said you needed a break. You safe-wording out of a scene and saying "I wanna break to sort things out". I took it as a safe-wording out of your slavery. I'll always hold your safe-word as sacred. Safe, Sane and Consensual right?
In point of fact it was/is a blow that you did safe-word out and explode. It puts me in a kid gloves position. Perhaps it is a cop-out to say you need to figure out where you are in your own head. But I couldn't answer the question: Do I approach this as your Master, your best friend, or as your husband? Each has a different way of handling it.
Maybe a more experienced Master would have a clearer idea of how to approach the situation. As it was I felt the best approach was to get you through the first 24 hours and then allow you some space.
It lost my last paragraph....
ReplyDeleteWithdraw your safe-word and I WILL "lay down the law". Otherwise I'll continue to wait for you to approach me as your friend and/or husband and we can talk about it.