Nothing else matters

It has been a difficult time. The challenges of D/s, roommates, issues with my doctor, Boy being sick, summer tensions. I've all over the place. One minute I'm laughing, the next I'm in tears. Last minute, I considered taking a guitar class, and in an epiphany, decided that dropping a bunch of stuff to pick up a bunch of new stuff was insanely stupid. I have been taking everything on board when what I need to do is slow down.

I can't tell is Mylie is teasing or annoyed when she says I don't know how to relax. I only know she's right. I think I lost that particular knowledge some time in the seventh grade when my mom was dying. If I work harder, I can ignore all the chaos around me.

Beloved has been very gentle with me. Sometimes, I make it hard for him to love me when I needed it the most...and this time, he's pretty much ignored that, even bringing me roses.

Last night, we played a game of RoboRally, just the two of us. We did a bit of final pick-up and found ourselves working together in the bathroom...the one that has been gross and embarrassing since we moved in. Thanks to the help of Halder and Mylie, it's been turned around, and we were putting some almost-last-steps up...a shower curtain, towel paper holder, paint touch-ups. We worked until 12:30 am and were rewarded with the first shower in two weeks this morning.

This afternoon, the house was quiet, and Beloved and I were lying naked in bed, just talking. Some intimate conversation, whispered secrets, shared lusts to entwine us, and I feel okay again. Not quite balanced, but closer to it. We reached another level of understand between each other. He told me that he wanted it all, all the love and all emotions, all of me. That there was no need to crawl back into D/s, that we could allow it to creep back into us.

It's funny...I'm not really a Metallica fan, but right now, it's their lyrics that are just plain right.

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I dont just say
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know

So close no matter how far
Couldnt be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
No nothing else matters