I am blessed. I am surrounded with people who love me and care about me and protect me. Sometimes that is stifling and abrasive.
Two weeks ago, I invited a stranger over. The reason I bring it up is because tonight a friend expressed the need to suggest safer ways to play with strangers. I appreciate the concern, but honestly, I'm a little tired of being lectured. If you have no interest in my little rank, that's cool...don't read. If you do have interest, continue, and I will try to explain once more my perspective.
We...Beloved and I...invite strangers into our lives all the time. I semi-frequently invite strangers into the house. I won't name individuals, but some of these strangers have become very good, trusted friends. The only difference between the meeting two weeks ago and all the others is that there were kink and some sexual overtones, and even that difference is shaky at best.
My friend asked, And did you tell them explicitly "This is when I'll be alone in the house with my toddler, and the husband is not expected home for several hours"?
The answer is YES. I've asked people to come over to provide quotes for drywall work. I've asked people to come over to install light fixtures. I've asked people to come over for playgroups for Boy. I've asked someone to come over and clean the carpets and fucked him silly. All of this has been when Beloved isn't here, when no other adult is here, and that is understood, even explained.
At this, my friend replied, Then I'm mad about that, too. I'm going to bed now. And then signed off.
I expect at least half, maybe as many as 90% of my readers have the same reaction. How COULD I do something so unsafe??? I could I DARE to put me, my child, at risk like that???
That is a difficult question to answer, but the purpose of this post is to try.
Last night, we went to bed and left the door OPEN...not unlocked...OPEN. It wasn't intentional, but it also exemplifies the way we live. We don't go around checking the doors and windows each night. We almost never lock the doors at all. We live in the second largest city in the state of Illinois, complete with gangs and shootings just blocks away from our house. Maybe we ARE crazy. Or maybe it's something else.
You see, I was gang-raped by strangers when I was nine years old walking home from school in a Catholic school uniform. You can't tell me about the risks I take because I've BEEN THERE...I've come through the kind of hell that can happen. I've also had my things stolen out of my car, been mugged, and seen the underbelly of the city.
But I am not a victim. I have not allowed that to destroy my trust in the universe. I truly believe that you get what you put out there. If you believe that everyone is after you, then for you, they truly ARE after you. If someone needs something from me that badly so as to take it by force, I'd rather let them have it. It's interesting that when you fight an attacker, you empower them. When you yield, you are empowered. Look up aikido if you don't get it.
Maybe you're saying, yeah, but with your life???
*shrug* yes, there are sick psychopaths out there who kill for no understandable reason, but they are not common. Men and women alike are much more likely to be raped or even killed by an acquaintance than a stranger. You take more risk with your life and health getting into an automobile, especially on a Friday night, than meeting a stranger.
I expect to live out a full and wonderful life, grow old, and die peacefully in my sleep. I trust the Universe to fulfill that expectation, and I wouldn't trade the trust or friendships I have enjoyed from a "risky" meeting with a stranger to force a hand that I really have no control over anyway.
Really, all we can do is have faith that it will all be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.
