Backaches, Beloved, and Birthdays

Last Friday, I wrote that I was out of juice and couldn't finish the library. That was more true than I realized. Saturday, I woke up with a twinge in my back which got worse as the day wore on. It didn't help that Boy was having a hard time and wanted to be carried and cuddled...he's 25 pounds now. By midafternoon, I was HURTING. By evening, I was on my knees, desperately trying to get some pick-up done and asking Boy to help (as much as any 19-month old could). The laundry was halfway done, I couldn't manage the vacuuming, and I hadn't gotten to the store to get cake makings. It was after 10 pm when Boy and I managed to get into his room, where I stripped him and then lifted him to his dresser to change him, and collapsed. My back spasmed, and it wouldn't stop. I was curled in a fetal position and could not release my legs at all. Boy was naked and tired and didn't understand why Momma was on the floor...

I didn't panic. In fact, a calm settled over me. I literally couldn't do anything about the situation, and so I had to surrender to it. Fortunately, I had my cell phone and called Beloved's mother, calmly told her I was stuck on the floor and could not get up and could she please come help. I sang to Boy from the floor, he threw his jammies at me, I threw them back (sort of). We were doing alright. Beloved's mother arrived about 20 minutes later and got Boy into a diaper and his jammies, moved the laundry basket so I could roll over, and rubbed out my back enough that I managed to get to my feet again. We made it to the bedroom and I decided Boy was just going to have to sleep with me that night...I didn't want to not be able to get him out of the crib in the morning. Beloved's mother gave me some vicodin and got us settled... It was a fitful night, but we both slept.

Because of my back, I wasn't able to make the four-hour drive to pick up Beloved. I was able to contact him and he said he'd find a ride and not to worry. Sunday morning, I managed to make some toast for Boy and myself and gave in to the television, putting in a Muppets tape and then the movie Labyrinth. I took more vicodin and lay on the couch, watching Boy dance to the music and pull out his trucks and blocks. I said little prayers that Beloved would be home soon...soon...soon...

At about 11:30 am, the doorbell rang, and Boy ran, shouting, "Whussszz? Whusz???" I struggled to the door, and fell into Beloved's arms, tears of pain and relief filling my eyes. He kissed me gently, letting me sink to the floor so he could dash after our little monkey who had snuck past and was down the steps and in the yard already.

It was a very quiet day from there. Beloved tried to express his experiences with the meditation...very positive, but very hard to put into meaningful words. *soft smile* I remembered all too well. He played with Boy, let me run my fingers through his hair from the couch. Everything felt very dream-like, I sure because of the drugs as well as the longing. That night, we made slow, gentle love, basking in each other's body and comfort.

Monday was my birthday, and I was still laid up with my back. Beloved let me sleep until 8:30 and then made a gorgeous batch of pancakes and cut up apples for breakfast. Beloved then rubbed my back out again. We lounged for a little while and I shyly told him that I had found a birthday gift I wanted...a frame drum...and they were going to be on sale because of Memorial Day. He nodded and said we should get going so as to have the best selection to choose from. We picked out a drum (my own! I've organized a drum circle for three years and not had my own drum!) and went to Sweet Tomatoes for lunch (one of my most favorite places in the world). My back had had enough by then, though, so we went home. Boy went down for a nap and Beloved tucked me in for a rest as well. I read for a little while and then slipped downstairs to find him.

Beloved was catching up on his personal e-mail, and I was overcome with longing. I went under the table, and supporting myself on my arm, nuzzled my Beloved Master's pants. He looked down at me, a raised eyebrow, and asked about my back. I promised if it hurt I would stop, but please please could I suck his cock...? He obliged, going back to his e-mail and allowing me to lick, nibble, tease, and delight in his maleness. I kept backing off the quick, wanting to make it last, but he spent himself in my mouth without too much effort. I curled up around his feet, then, dozing contentedly until Boy woke.

That afternoon, Beloved dedicated himself to the chores I hadn't accomplished...finishing the laundry, vacuuming, saw to dinner. He tsked me every time I tried to help, ordering me back to the couch. I felt shameful and grateful at the same time.

Finally, we got Boy to bed and we retired ourselves to the bedroom. I lay naked on the bed, stretching my legs and toes, trying to relieve the soreness in my back. Beloved leaned over me, kissed me, and asked if there was anything else I wanted for my birthday...a spanking, perhaps? I know I colored at that...I did...but at the same time, I didn't. The zen of the meditation retreat was still very strong about him and I didn't want to ruin that...or be disappointed in the spanking, although I didn't say that. Beloved shrugged, saying it would be given lovingly, pretty much confirming my disappointment. Still, I shuffled to the edge of the bed. My feet planted on the ground, my hips pressed to the edge of the mattress, my torso and arms stretched out on the bed. Beloved surprised me by getting the toybag out.

As he put the cuffs on my wrists, he explained very gently, very patiently that he loved the library, that the work was obvious, and that he looked forward to spending time in it. At the same time, he was angry with me.

"Because you pushed so hard, the simple things around the house did not get done. Instead of enjoying your birthday, you spent it on the couch. Instead of relaxing the day before returning to work, I did your chores. Instead of meeting at the Center, I had to find another way home.

"I know the hurt of your disappointment in your failure is much worse than your backache. I want you to let it go now. Are you ready for me, pet?"

I buried my face in my arm, burning. I mumbled my response, and Beloved tsked me again.

"I cannot hear you."

"Yes, Master..."

"I want the full sentence, pet."

A cry escaped my lips. No...no, I didn't want this. I hurt, and hurt more inside, I wasn't ready for a punishment...

"Yes, Master, I am ready for your spanking." Did the anguish in my voice show?
"Master, am I to count?" Maybe it was just going to be a birthday spanking...32 swats?

"No, pet. I will begin with the flogger and you do not need to count yet."

I shuddered as the leather draped over my back softly. Yet. Then Beloved began, and it wasn't light. He flogged me good and hard, from knees to shoulders. The strands bit into my sides and thrashed my body. I whimpered, cried, begged, strangling my blanket with my hands. Then he began to flog my pussy, and I was mortified. It stung, but I didn't dare twist or close my legs...

He stopped, rubbing the warm skin with his hands, praising me. Then, I felt the roughness of the paddle. "Are you ready, pet?" I cried, shook my head, struggled inside, but he waited patiently. Tearfully, I managed, "Yes, Master, I'm ready for more."

I didn't count, I didn't make much notice. It hurt for some time, and then Beloved switched to his hand. I think he cupped his hand because it made a terrific sound but didn't sting nearly as much. Then I think he changed to striking with just his fingers. That made me buck in spite of my back hurts. I was crying, and yet, deep inside, I wanted more...I hated the realization, but it was there.

"Good girl...let it go. You are doing so well!" Beloved's voice brought me back again, his hands warm and tender on my stinging ass. Slowly, I regained my breath. Beloved then said softly, "These I want you to count. They are going to hurt."

I whimpered, excited and afraid. "Am I to count forward or backward, Master?"

He pondered this a moment and then said, "Backward, from ten. I want to hear it, pet."

I shook my head...don't make me ask for them...don't make me beg...oh, please...don't...

"I am ready for ten more, Master."

"Good girl."

The first one landed, and I screamed. I knew what it was...Beloved had selected the Koncis spatula...it's stainless steel and BITES. I trembled. Ten? Hard? With THAT? No, no, no....

Beloved waited.

"TEN!" I gasped.

He landed the next one and I nearly panicked. I hadn't expected it quite that quickly. I fought, but managed, "Nine!" The blows were not evenly spaced, each one catching me by surprise, making me scream again. "ONE!" I yelled out, expecting one final swat...

That never came.

There is some disappointment there that I couldn't express. It was incomplete, somehow, because I'd really only taken nine swats. Beloved hands ran over my ass, and I winced. "Are there welts?" I gasped. "Little ones, here, on the sides, from the flogger," he told me matter of factly. I moaned, "It's not FAIR!"

Beloved laughed at that. "Why? Did you want pictures so you could brag to all your subbie friends about your birthday spanking?"

I wanted to die...that was exactly it, actually. I am horrified and fascinated with what other submissives take at the hands of their Masters, and I wonder if I'm a wimp. Beloved almost never marks me... He hates marks, though. The few times he has allowed me to play elsewhere, he always cautions the Dom that he doesn't want to see any evidence of the abuse.

I stammered out something about it not being fair that the pain should be invisible, but I think he saw right through it. "I have just gotten much better at spanking you, pet," he said laughing. I screamed again as he poured the warm massage oil over my abused flesh, rubbing it in, making me feel every one of those spatula strikes again...

He drew a blanket over me and withdrew to wash his hands. I lay still for a moment and then pushed myself to my feet, surprised there was no twinge in my back at all. I started cleaning up and putting the toys away, then lay back down. Beloved returned and smiled at me. "Happy Birthday, my love."

I smiled back, falling in love with him all over again.