RUAH Joy

Write about a specific experience in your life that made you feel wonderful or joyous
or positively alive. Describe it in great detail: what did you feel, see, hear, smell, think, touch? Do you know why it made you feel so good?

Two weeks ago, I had a meetup. The group has to do with Byron Katie's work, and I have found The Work to be challenging in a good way. It wasn't the group that inspired the feelings, though. It was the place.

The center is a beautifully reclaimed space. I had the opportunity to speak with one of the directors about it a little. It was a foreclosure that was falling apart. Today, it is a respite of gardens, waterfalls, and a deep sense of spiritual peace. It is a physical manifestation of hope. They operate on donations and good will, and there is enough to keep the place improving. There are classes on meditation, reiki, and psychology. I felt so excited about the place, I couldn't wait to tell Beloved about it. The director says there is a space for volunteering, and I would like to do so...

But.

*sigh* It's been two weeks, and I haven't followed up. Why?

It is part of my own sabotage, I think. I have excuses, but the biggest is that I am scared of making a commitment, of dreaming a dream. So much of my present is stifled with not feeling well. I'm not sure exactly when it all started or how far back it goes. I want out, but I'm not sure which way to go.

The universe has one rule. that is to smile and say "Yes" to whatever you are thinking about. When you think about the things that make you happy, the universe smiles and says "Yes", and brings you more of what your focus is. When you think about the things that make you unhappy, the universe smiles and says "Yes", and brings you more of what your focus is. The universe loves you so much that it gives you this "free will" without judgement of how you use it.... ~Diane Klemz

I know this is true. I see it in myself, in others. I just...I am scared to break free again. Even with the Universe finally tossing me volunteer positions that I am pretty sure I would enjoy and grow into, I hesitate.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. ~ Marianne Williamson

I am going back to the center tonight for another meetup. Part of me wants to cringe, because I have done nothing to work towards getting involved. I want to scream at that voice. There are legitimate reasons, including being out of town and a doctor's appointment and antibiotics, that have gotten in the way. I am going tonight, and THAT can be another step. Tonight, I will ask for an actual date that I can come in and ask about what things need to be done.