HBY showing off the thermometer readings
This is just the third time since records were kept that we've had three days in a row in the 100s. And we may hit the century mark again today. It's been bad enough that we broke down and put a window air conditioner unit in the kids room and have been camping on the floor. Rumor has it that we should break this afternoon, and the forecast puts us at 68F tonight.
Boy is out of camp this week and next, which has been a little trying. I was really hoping that an all-day camp with lots of sports and swimming would help, but it doesn't seem to have touched the negativity. It's not just me getting the unpleasant talk-back anymore, either, and Girl is starting to imitate him. I've picked up a book on raising boys to see if I can glean some wisdom there. It's so hard, though.
Perhaps the hardest part is I see so much of myself reflected in him. I'm suddenly cluing in on the feelings my mother might have had when she sent me to a counselor in fourth grade. Some of that I continue to struggle with today, and it is awful to think of Boy with my emotional imbalances. I wish to spare him that.
To that end, I have been delving into my own kinds of self-study. Reading and listening to materials from Byron Katie and Earl Nightingale. Talking to an advisor about a horticulture program. Talking to a therapist, although I am questioning if I am going to continue with her or if I should try someone else.
The theory is that if you do something every day for X number of days, you will form a new habit. It would be pretty cool if I could tackle my OWN negativity, so I thought I'd pick up a new journal challenge...this one about JOY. I landed on the Joy Equation page, and her enthusiasm for the work is such that she lets people set their own pricing. I figure a dollar a day...
The first prompt is:
Why am I investing in this course? What am I looking to get out of the next 30 days?
What specific feeling am I hoping to experience when I'm done?
At some level, I'm afraid that I have bought into the magic pill mythos. If I throw enough money at it, someone will just give me the answer. I am desperate enough to buy something like this. I'm not really happy about that answer. Maybe it's really that I have some small faith in doing this kind of work. I am looking to develop a new habit, to rekindle the joy and magic and sparkle that I once had. I want to work on my self-esteem and courage, and I am hopeful that this course, combined with other work I am doing, will help set me on a better path. When I am done with this course...by the end of the summer...I want to have a sense of hope.
Are you ready for the wild ride?
