Sins of my imperfection have cost me friendships, lovers, opportunities, peace of mind. I dwell on what parting words have been said and I ache; so much is owed. If I claimed responsibility for being wrong, would it make things right? I don't know. If I shared the responsibility, would the other side acknowledge their errors too? I'm afraid of being at fault, of failing. When I am wrong...when I am right...the cost is so high.
What does this imagined perfection look like?
It has changed. The things I would bargain for range from miracles to passing scores on math quizzes to obsessing over home-baked goods and a sparkling home. Mostly, perfection is in the appreciated smile, the pat on the head, the "well done!" or "good girl!" Is it so much to ask for? How much do I need to do to garner that perfection?
What would it be like to not carry the burden of this imagined perfection?
*sigh* Ironically, it would probably be better than it is now. I get so overwhelmed and wrapped up in the imagined image that I cannot achieve anything close in reality, so why even try? How many times have I rolled up my sleeves, walking into a room, only to have my shoulders slump and turn around and admit defeat without lifting a finger.
So...yes...if I could forgive myself one thing, it would be that I am imperfect.
Perhaps it semantics but a thought stuck with me through digesting your post... There is a difference between being "imperfect" and "not being perfect". You may have more success at forgiving yourself not being perfect.
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