Summer struggles

I have forgotten my place lately, and while Beloved hasn't punished me for it, I am feeling rather miserable about the situation I find myself.

I suppose the best way to put it is that I have been very self-centered the last week or so. Boy was diagnosed with borderline bronchitis yesterday, and I have used his not feeling well to skip out on tasks. We have fallen off our regular schedule, and that is also a bad thing.

The hardest part, however, is that I've taken a somewhat head-strong position on what *I* want. Between a silly fantasy about carpet cleaning, an evening of volleyball that I got resentful because I didn't get to play much, and general discontent with the summer weather, I've been sassy. And I'm sorry.

Beloved has been really really wonderful to me, and I have played up the martyr for no reason other than "I don't wanna" do chores, give up my interests, give up my fun. I'm not begging for a punishment...but maybe I need it. *sigh* luvbunny got herself into a similar spot, and DragonMage had to be pretty damn hard on her to right things. I don't want to put Beloved through that, any more than I want to be punished. So...

*deep breath*

I am re-dedicating myself to my Beloved Master's desires. I will get things back together, and I WILL conquer my chat addiction. I will do this with a smile on my face and joy in my heart, because I know my life is better when I am in service to those I love.