Thoughts...

I've had some wonderful people poke me with things worth thinking about.

Beloved has been incredibly supportive and loving, despite all of the juggling HE is doing. We had an ironic exchange about how stressful it is to prepare for a vacation. Each of us has different stressors (me and the house, him and setting goals and designate responsibilities), but the result is the same: we both started our vacations especially exhausted. I know we aren't the only ones guilty of this. I just don't know if there is a better solution.

Beloved decided I should attend Windy City MAsT last night. It was an open Q&A evening with a drum circle, and he told me to go and ask about event drop and coping with presenting. It was a relief, really. I *wanted* to go, but I was torn because of being tired and threadbare. I'm so glad Beloved insisted. I got coached, scolded, smudged, and was finally able to give in to my tears. Lady Tamin and Nighthawk-Sir and their girl Simone took immediate care for my tears, and then I was hugged by Master DVNT and Master Gallad, by slave Kelly and Evangelique.

Things to think about:
- I will make (and am making) myself sick trying to do more than I should.
- I cannot save anyone from themselves. This is extremely painful...something I know too well, and yet fight against. I need to stop. Some people are squid, and I need to cut them off.
- If I am serving from a place of exhaustion or resentment, then I am not being fed by my service.
- I need to withdraw and refocus on myself, Beloved, and my family. This seems nearly impossible, but that's why it is all the more important. Master Gallad was very clear that I should disappear for three days. I'm considering how to manage that.
- I do not need an excuse. HA! Right? *sigh* I know.
- The problems will not go away if they are important. If my attention is required, the issues will be there when I "come back" from my three days.


I had a wonderful talk with SassyLassy in which she asked if I knew what word she's scolded me about learning.
Pixie: No.
Sass: The one that I wrote you about.
Pixie: No.
Sassy: Do I need to send Limper over with his bullwhip to teach it to you?
Pixie: NO!
(in the background, Limper said, "Oh, please!" or something to that effect. Sass and I were laughing to much for me to hear exactly.)

One of my vanilla friends commented on a FaceBook status of mine: like any good housewife you feel the need to wage your own little war against entropy. Wow. It kinda stung with the truth in that statement.


So...yeah. There's a theme, and I am going to try to listen to it. My thought is to unplug for three days, specifically from the computer. That's going to be tough since I'm more addicted to my Internet than to coffee or sleep, but it's a good step. So... *poof*