*soft sigh* Beloved has scolded me countless times about body image...and yet my fears reared again when he casually mentioned my being naked at the club. *gulp*
I am 5'4", 180 lb, 38DD, waist at 34", hips at 45".
This summer, Beloved invented the command "Preen" - arms up, wrists crossed, head turned slightly to the side, weight shifted to one hip. When he first used it in the presence of HalDer, I really struggled with being objectified. That's not a turn-on to me. I was embarrassed and shy and terrified at the thought of being found wanting.
Both Doms set me straight. I wasn't preening as an object...I was preening that they might enjoy, admire, and comment on my beauty. I think THAT flustered me more than being objectified (which, of course, delighted them).
MOST of the time, I'm pretty happy with how much I've gotten my body back. I gave birth only 16 months ago, and I weigh LESS now than when I got pregnant. I'm still breastfeeding, so my big breasts really show off the hourglass waist. I have little hope about losing the last of my pudge...a C-section cut through muscle means it's really REALLY hard to get those muscles to tone up they way they used to...
But, of course, the last time we were at the club there was a plastic Barbie type...one who was paraded in a leather harness, who was bronzed from the tanning salon, had perky but fake tits, and drew comments aplenty. Beloved shrugged, saying (later, to me)that it was obviously fake and wondered what sacrifices were made for simple appearances. Still, it's really hard to hold my natural body to that kind of comparison, you know?
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Not the media industry, not even in our own head (although our attitude conveys a lot!). Beauty is in the grace and pleasure I take in submitting to Beloved's wishes that I preen for whomever he chooses to share me with...plastic Barbie types included. I only hope that I can be as beautiful in my own head as I am in Beloved's eyes.
A very insightful post. I imagine ti took some courage to post what you did. I imagine it's terribly hard to hold a REAL body in comparison to a "plastic barbie type" body - our culture is so inundated with images of "beauty" that it becomes hard to get past them. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Not the media industry" Well said! and SO true. ^_^
ReplyDeleteWe forget we "give" ourselves to give birth, women should be appreciated, those marks should be held with pride and by the way, you look gorgeous! And most importantly if the person we love thinks we are beaustiful stuff the rest of them ;) Brilliant post hun x
ReplyDelete*soft chuckle* Beloved also remarked on the fact that I held no bars in the post and asked "What if I wanted you to take the photos down? NOT because I'm ashamed, but because it's the Internet...I'm not sure I want to share with everyone."
ReplyDeleteI thought about it while I showered, came back to delete the photos...but Dragonmage and Vixen had commented.
I told Beloved and read the comments aloud to him. "Well, there you go, then, Pixie."
I guess that means the photos stand. And thanks for the positive thoughts...it WAS hard!
Vixen, I hold my silver stretch marks as visible displays of the magic I am capable of...I just wish the C-section scar didn't ache very moon!!! *wink*
My first comment here...found you last week at Mage's blog.
ReplyDeletei have 3 children...many stretch marks and i also had a c-section...my 2nd was uncooperative, lol. i struggled for a very long time over my weight and body image. i lost quite a bit a few years ago and i have kept it off. i still have a bulge above my scar, that will probably never go away.
i don't worry so much about what i look like when i look in the mirror...JB is the only one who can judge my body...and He loves me the way i am. :)
You know. I'm one of the select few who has gotten to see your amazing body in it's full glory. When Beloved had you preen before us, and your little tummy showed under your shirt, He and I just looked at each other with such grins. Your body is a temple girl. You created life. Beloved will always owe that to you. And further? You know how to take what you have and use it in such enticing ways. It doesn't matter how well endowed or proportioned you are. It matters how you work with your partner. And from what I've seen (and that's a fair bit) you and Beloved fit just as well as the Barbie girl could with anyone.
ReplyDelete-HalDer