We dropped Boy off with my parents and meandered the zoo with them for a bit. It was a nice distraction and the new buildings at Lincoln Park Zoo are incredible! After about two hours, we were all cold and ready to go...we kissed Boy goodbye and tucked him safe into the carseat in "Grumpy's" car...
The first thing Beloved said to me once we were in the car was
"Put your collar on, girl."
I could feel my stomach drop and bit my lip before pulling my collar out of my pocket and answering with a meek, "Yes Sir."
We stopped at Walgreens and got some tea. Arriving at the club at 5:10, we walked in right before Sir Redwing and Youko did, so we all met at the door. Despite being the primary contact, I was suddenly feeling very shy. We hugged hellos and then I darted off to put our coats away. Beloved sent me to fetch him a drink and then I joined the three of them in the lounge, Youko and me kneeling at our Masters' feet. Beloved and Sir were soon engaged in discussion and Youko and I warmed to each other, asking the first casual questions and then growing more bold about lifestyle preferences and toys.
About five minutes to 6, we went into the presentation room for Lady Di and Leather Matt's discussion on "Foot, Shoe, and Boot Worship – A Primer". Overall, the lecture was 1:45 of disappointment. I have no doubt that the two presenters have a deep and honest fetish for women's boots and *some* of the boot care suggestions were helpful, but overall? Very little on foot fetishes, nothing for the female sub, nothing for raw leather (if it wasn't smooth and shiny forget it...and Beloved's boots are not the patent leather kind). The result was more of a presentation on THEIR likes and then an awkward "demo" of Leather Matt licking Lady Di's boots...
Being seated on the floor in the front row, Youko and I got a very upclose and personal view of a man's ass in a thong and buttless chaps. ummm...well, I know there's a snap between the thong and the cock-pouch now...
Afterwards, the four of us when to a delightful Thai dinner and chuckled about the presentation. No one seemed to have gotten anything from it. oh well. Discussion turned to more personal things...how long has we been together and in M/s, was it 24/7, what were the training routines, etc. By the end of the meal, Youko and I had gotten comfortable and maybe the teeniest bit flippant... Sir Redwing and Beloved ended that with the comment that "We should return to the club and let the girls taste the floggers." It was a very quiet ride back to the club...
I went and changed into my club clothes...a tiny sweater top that barely covered my breasts and was held closed with three buttons at the cleavage, a straight black shirt, garters and stockings, and black boots that came up to my knee and have a 3" heel. I returned to the lounge and made Beloved tea. When he was done, Youko and I were put on leashes and our Masters wandered the club, taking in the four scenes in progress.
I was growing very unsure about the whole situation...it was a busy night at the club, and some VERY out costumes were displayed. Overall, it wasn't at all like the last time Beloved and I played at the club...this time it seemed harsh, blaring, loud. I kept my eyes downcast most of the evening.
Eventually, the smaller, semi-private room was available, and Beloved told me to fetch the toycase. I went immediately, but I was feeling light-headed and schooled my face carefully. This was the first time we had scened with anyone else, and it was a little harder because of that. Youko and I stripped to nothing, and then I was cuffed and ordered over the spanking bench, while Youko was strung up on the suspension bar...
I begged Beloved to squeeze my shoulders, to help me...he smiled and said, "Oh, I can to better than that..." and he proceeded to warm me up with an intense rubdown. Sir Redwing started in with light flogging, and it didn't look toooooo terrible...
Beloved then began to spank me. HARD. I was told to count...Beloved had told me earlier that he was going to spank me until I cried, and more. By 50 hard hand swats, I was sore but just not "there". He switched to the paddle, and that drove cries and yelps from my lips, but tears were precious few. He tried the spiky bath-brush, too, which I didn't know he'd brought. After some spankings with that, I gave in..."What the hell IS that???" Which made everyone laugh...but it was prickly and went squish...*shrug*. Beloved switched back to the spoons.
Through the doorway to my left, I could see a male sub orally pleasuring his mistress, and she was quite loud about her pleasure. It was distracting and I couldn't close her out. Somewhere else in the club a woman was getting some treatment that made her yelp in a loud, high-pitched scream. The serene music of Serenity room was overpowered by the alternative music of the lounge. I was feeling very trapped, very exposed. I felt loathing for the situation, wished it was over, was swearing in my head I'd never, ever come back to the club...
Around 120 swats, Beloved leaned over me, whispering to let it go...but I *couldn't*. He continued. At 190, I was panting and hurting, but still refusing to give in to tears. Beloved told me that on the 200th strike, I was to cry out the number (mostly, the counts had been quiet...) I felt some shame that it had gone so far...that I still hadn't been able to surrender the way Beloved wanted me to. I yelled "200!" at the top of my lungs. The blows continued...210...220...230...241...
Sir Redwing, at that point, offered up the flogger selection. All were hand-made and from what I could see, very nice. Beloved told me I didn't have to count the swings with the floggers and began with a wide-strapped soft leather flogger. It was actually pretty wonderful after the paddle. More like a caress than the whipping I was expecting. At first. The swings got harder...and on my already reddened ass, it was pretty stingy. Sir Redwing mentioned casually that if Beloved wanted to try the threaded flogger, he should do it soon... That made me moan in agony. Youko had said something about that one being the only one she'd ever marked from. Beloved picked it up and gave a few swings...OUCH! The thing BITES and the leather treads (I'd guess they were about 5cm wide, 18" long, and a lot of them) landed on my sides and thighs as well as my butt and back. I thought it would never end, but it did. He returned to the softer flogger, this time aiming a few swings at my bare pussy...I hid my face in embarrassment.
Beloved switched back to his hand and asked if I was ready for more. Whimpering, I responded, "Yes Master, I'm ready for more..." He told me to begin my count again...at one. I came close to tears just at his words...but the first "SMACK" resolved me. I don't remember if Beloved changed up toys, but we reached 100 again with no tears. Beloved caressed my pussy and butt for a while, and then asked if I was ready for more. "Yes Master, I'm ready for more..." It was HARD, it HURT, and still, I was trapped in myself, too aware of all the others to cry, too proud to surrender.
Sir Redwing moved the a ottoman and chained Youko very close to me...I so wanted to reach out and stroke her hair...to have a connection... I wasn't even sure if the restraint had enough give to do so, I wanted to try...but I didn't know if it would be alright.
Beloved stopped at 50, caressing me and rubbing me out. He poured hot massage oil on my raw skin, making me jump, and then rubbed the soothing sweetness in. It felt so good...but inside I was miserable. I hadn't reached tears. I hadn't surrendered. I hadn't obeyed. I felt badly enough to actually ASK if we were finished. I could hear the surprise in Beloved's voice when he said, "Yes...unless you want more." I answered that if he wished it, I would take more...but I didn't think I could give him tears. He brushed my hair and whispered that he knew that...it was fine, and we were done.
Releasing me from the bench, Beloved handed me my jammies and told me to change...I started to turn, thought I ought to clean the bench, and reached for the spray bottle. Beloved shook his head, no...he'd take care of that. The dressing area was occupied, so I returned to the room, thinking I'd just change there. Beloved ordered, "Preen."
I dropped my pants on the floor immediately, arms up, right foot up on the toes, and I managed the ghost of a smile. I could see out both doorways, and I saw Beloved and Sir Redwing as well as others eye me appreciatively.... The flutter of surprise brought a blush to my cheeks. "Relax." I did, and pulled on my jammies, trying to focus, distract myself from the situation.
When everything was cleaned up, we went and sat in the Catacombs and talked a little. Well, I tried to. I felt spent. Instead I focused on cleaning Beloved's boots (we brought saddle soap and rags for the purpose; no tongue job, thankfully). The Masters decided to check out the other scenes... Two girls were getting blistering attentions in the other room, and someone was in a partial suspension...I felt slightly sickened. They were giving so much more than I had...
Sir Redwing put Youko in the cage, and I asked Beloved permission to go be quiet. He nodded, and I went and curled up tightly in Catacombs, trying to sort out what was going on in my head. I was very internal when Beloved came to me and said it was time to go.
I felt unfulfilled, and didn't want to leave that way. Kneeling up, I began playfully kissing and biting Beloved, deep and sensually on the lips, light and teasing on the neck. I caressed his hardening cock through his pants, my eyes asking to take it further. He gave in and leaning against the spanking bench I'd been strapped to not an hour earlier, I licked and teased and sucked him to orgasm, swallowing his cum. I felt much better about the evening all the sudden. It was going to be alright.
There were things that had to be gathered, goodbyes to be said. Sir Redwing presented Beloved with a beautiful soft leather flogger to keep (!)...
I hugged Youko tightly ("WOW! You have a lot of strength for such a little person.") Mistress Carol asked if I had enjoyed the evening, and I told her honestly to ask me in the morning. She laughed and said that she often got love letters a few days afterwards...
I apologized on the ride home for not giving in, for not surrendering. Beloved shook his head, saying that he'd had a hard time focusing as well. He said that he'd stopped because he felt I was more aligned, more insync and that had been his true goal. I didn't feel that way...I wasn't sure what I felt at that point, but slowly something was sinking in.
Beloved and I got to bed finally at 4 am...I woke up before the alarm (which was at an obscene 8:30 am because of other engagements). I laid there, in the quiet, thinking about the night before. When Beloved woke and rolled over, I smiled.
Your refusal or ability to "let go" as you call it and cry is disturbing. I think maybe the important thing you brought out of the experience is Beloved's reactions. It is obvious from your account that 1) He is careful of your physical abilities as to what you can endure, 2) He is very loving and caring for you, both as his sub and as his wife, and 3) that he appears to have been satisfied with the outcome, whether you were or not. That is not always good in itself, in that, if the sub feels unfulfilled, it can cause problems later, but in your case, I'm not sure that is the case.
ReplyDeleteIf it sounds as if I'm being nebulous in my reactions, it is because I probably am....
To be honest, I had very mixed reactions about the experience. I did not lie to my pet but I did allow her to feel I was more satisfied with the experience than I was. Part of this was because I found myself very distracted that evening as well. We had another couple around for the first time and the clubs atmosphere was very chaotic. The greater part was that my pet has been in a very dangerous emotional downward spiral. She needed more than the scene, she needed to feel the accomplishment or at the very least not to feel a failure. The evening was truly challenging and our difficulties were not due to a failing on her part. Until she was emotionally removed from the scene, however, she would not see it that way.
ReplyDelete