My woman's time...my period. *sigh* I can't explain why this basic bodily function is so uncomfortable to me, it just IS. Not in the crampy, hormonal unconfortable...I mean in the mental, "oh, god, just let me hide this week" uncomfortable. I would be perfectly happy if I were allowed to pitch a crimson tent once a month. Minus the shunning, of course.
Beloved remarked on the fact last night because I laid a towel on the bed, as I usually do, in case he wanted me...TMI, surely, but it's the only time "safe" enough to go without the dreaded condom. This morning, I tried to make an excuse, but he stopped me.
"It doesn't bother me, kitten. Hell, I've gone down on you while you had your moon. It's just a natural part of you. It would be kind of like you being upset about my having testicles. That you are so embarrassed by it...it's just...sad."
The truth is I have to fight with myself every moon when Beloved wants me. I'm so embarrassed I try to make sure the lights are off. I scurry to get warm washclothes to clean up immediately so he doesn't have to deal...better yet if we can have sex in the shower with the lights off! Beloved confronts me with oral, I think in part to prove that it doesn't bother him...nevermind him...it's ME who is bothered.
I don't know where the hang-up came from...my sister has a similar issue...but I know it didn't come from my mom...she was always very upfront about bodily functions and medical/clinical stuff. I love the keeper I use and brag about not adding to the strain on the earth every month. *shrug* I don't KNOW. If I wasn't so sure that the Depo and Seasonale contributed to the hyperemesis problems I had while pregnant, I'd jump on whatever birth control promised to make it go away. I'm just shy shy shy about it.
heh. Like you'll believe that after my writing this. Or combining this post with the one on body images. You're thinking, Uh-huh...shy. Riiiigghhht. *sigh*
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