Every Day...Empathetic

Day 24 - May 24

This is a hard one, because it's not exactly socially acceptable.

Beloved's grandmother is dying. She is old and in the haze of dementia and recently fell and broke her tailbone. She's stopped eating and drinking in favor of sleep and pain meds. Basically, she no longer wants to be in this life. Understandably, it is a hard time for the family.

Socially, I should say something like, "This is just terrible! You must feel awful. I wish there was something I could do."

But I can't. I am not sympathetic. My feelings are that when it's time, it's time, and the kindest thing is to let go. There is nothing I can do to "fix" the "problem", and I don't feel I should if there was. Sympathy, while highly valued in our culture, is very disempowering. It lends the air of "I'm fine and you have a problem." Expressing sympathy this way can accentuates a victim state of mind.

Makes me sound like a cold-hearted, jaded bitch, doesn't it? *sigh* Maybe. It's not supposed to. I understand what they are feeling, maybe all too well, but I don’t have to go there with them. I don't have to be swallowed up in the loss. Instead, I know there is hurt, and I want to provide what is needed. I'm empathetic.

I will empathize with them. I will let them feel their feelings, express their concerns, and shed their tears. I will help provide what they need to take their next step, if they are open to seeing it and receiving it. I will be with them with my heart open. I hope they find strength in my quiet witness and find peace through their mourning.