Just a thought

I got a text today from someone I admire. Nothing of major substance, just saying hello and checking in on me. It was very sweet and made me wriggle my toes and blush to be even a thought.

With turmoil in my blood family and in my poly family, I have been closing myself off from people. I don't want to be dragged through the mud and I really wish life had less curve balls to throw. I want to curve up in mother-arms and be rocked and held and loved and protected, like a little I suppose.

I expect that will become more of an issue as I start working into some of the childhood traumas. Even when I WAS a kid, I didn't have anyone to take comfort from and in fact took complicated steps to protect the adults from my problems. I don't have that sort of comfort anywhere right now; every physical exchange is tinged with sexual undertones which doesn't fulfill the ache inside. *half smile* I like having that effect and I encourage that effect...but...

I miss my mom. *sigh* Twenty-two years gone, and always near my thoughts. In The Good Master by Kate Seredy there is a story about how, as long as a person is remembered or something they created is appreciated, they will live on. This has stuck in my head for a long time and it usually brings a grin to my lips when I'm in the shower and praising the genius of indoor plumbing and hot water. Other mythos hold that each life is a one possibility of billions that God considers. This too is an interesting concept to turn over in my mind.

While I hardly believe anyone really thinks of me in such innocent terms, I like feeling safe and protected. Today, a deity thought of me, and I was wrapped in the glow. Such is the comfort of being "just a thought."