This started out as a very different post. It started out as more of a daydream. Subbybunny sent me a link yesterday, and on a whim, I contacted the person doing the casting call. She actually called me back and did a 35 minute interview with me. It got me all excited about all kinds of things...even if we weren't the ideal poly family, just being considered is pretty cool...
*splash*
Beloved and I aren't out to the world. We haven't gone out of our way to HIDE our poly relationships, but neither have we waved flags and twirled batons. And the more I talked to partners, the more reality intruded. What would we say to Grandad and Grandma in Ohio who are a Presbyterian minister and wife in their 80's? Beloved's girlfriend isn't OUT, neither is Halder (former lover and current roommate). Worse, I was just removed from a local "family-orientated" group because I listed a poly group among my various memberships...what if the repercussions were more drastic?
*sigh*
So, I figure I'll compose an e-mail to Ms. Dosedel tomorrow thanking her for her time and declining further consideration.
But I can't say there isn't some bitter disappointment. I poked at that while I was in the shower this evening. What was it, REALLY? I'm less happy with my conclusion...
Before I became a mother, I played on the national level. In college, I got state recognition for my work in campus recycling, and I lead the team that earned a national award for residence hall leadership. From there, I went into a career doing things that got national recognition. No, I wasn't a VIP per se, but in a small way, I contributed to the cacophony of national debates. My arguments were published in newspapers, reports I worked on and designed were read nationwide. I had luncheons with US Senators, and was offered a job on Capitol Hill. I was "important".
I miss it.
When I confessed this, Beloved pressed his forehead against mine. "I can't express how important you are to me, and I understand that means dick right now...."
*sigh* The glitz and glam of politics is heady stuff, and I'm still lured by it two years after getting out completely. Sometimes I resent the way things have gone. I never imagined a life as a stay-at-home mom. Hell, I never imagined life as a mom until about a month before I conceived in 2006! And yet, here I am.
Beloved and my children are my world right now. I love them and am spoiled in the life I am living. I am surrounded by friends and family, have two very successful social groups, and am "important" in ways that really ARE important.
Kinda breathtaking when I stop and think about it. I guess I can admit that the idea of being idolized on national television sounds like fun, but there is a reason I was glad to be out of the public scene in the first place. It isn't worth the price of admission...wasn't then and isn't now.
Sounds like you reached a place of peace with your current circumstances. Just think of it as your former popularity with a smaller, much more select entourage. LOL Don't forget that all of those skills and passions are still in you, and will always be there when you're ready to come back out into the public eye.
ReplyDeleteSomeone in Indy is thinking of you!
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