Forty-five days...eighty-seven days

I'm up at 4 am with rolling nausea. I've taken two zofran tablets since going to bed, and I just can't seem to kick the YUCK. I haven't actually thrown up in a few days, but in some ways this is worse. I'm so tired of this...45 days to go.

As the count gets shorter, there are lots of BABY/MOMMY thoughts going on. What to do for baby birth announcements (I handmade Boy's), who to pick for godparents, what to do about the kids' room decor, interviewing potentials for house cleaning.

There's also been a lot of poly stuff in my life this last week with the opportunities to do some public work.

But while I was lying in bed, trying to distract myself from my physical discomfort, it occurred to me there was pretty much ZERO D/s in my life right now. Just the other morning, I surprised Beloved by following him up on a hint...surprised, because he's "gotten the impression you weren't in the right space."

*sigh* No...I'm not in the right space. Not even a little bit. I *want* to be, but even reading sexy stuff helps, and Jean Auel wrote some fantastic sexy scenes in the Earth's Children series. Sexually...Baby is head down and in my pelvis already, so there's a constant ache and pressure; Baby is also running out of room inside, and I feel every wiggle and push at the constraining space; the nausea makes fellatio a battle of wills; my breasts are heavy and nipple stimulation is returning to the land of serious turn-off...not because they are sore but because that's for the baby; my body is stretched out and cumbersome.

I've offered blow jobs and never been turned down, but I feel awkward about Beloved's attentions. I think in the last two weeks, Beloved's made love with me once. Granted, it was a lot of fun and involved the pool table (*giggles*), but I'm pretty content with that. I feel a little bad about it, though.

I'm thinking about starting another countdown...87 days until "normal" sex resumes. I'm sure someone is scoffing right now. There's the sleep-deprivation and the demands of an infant and where to find the time. I know all that...I did all this just over two and a half years ago...but a gal can hope, right?