I hate being pregnant. I hate my body. I hate my utter and complete lack of control...
It's been a long while since Beloved even asked me for sexual play. He's so painfully respectful of my challenges right now, even when I've hinted that if he took the lead...
Well, tonight, he did. He came straight out and asked. I delighted in teasing him about it as I finished the laundry; delighted in stripping down and settling between his legs; delighted in teasing him over and over until he came...
But I couldn't handle it. I made it to the bathroom...but I'm mortified and embarrassed and CHEATED! Damn it...! It's not fair.
Beloved said it didn't matter...that I throw up because it's Tuesday, or after my favorite dessert, or because I woke up in the morning...that it's just another part of my being pregnant...
I love him and adore him and am so grateful he is the way he is...but that makes my failure all the more painful.
Thirty days.
For him: You can't never ask, you can't always assume the answer will be no ... then you get it into the back of your head that they're not interested and it spirals down from there. Do not go there. It's not good for either of you. But you know that there's a light at the end of the tunnel, and when the tunnel will end!
ReplyDeleteFor both of you: keep the physical intimacy up somehow even if/when sexual intimacy isn't in the cards...maybe take a cool bath together (or a cool washcloth to one another), since cuddling when you're all hot and sweaty isn't nearly as much fun as when you're wet and sticky in a different way.
For her: It's OK to be frustrated, even ashamed, of your current limitations...and I can think of no stronger turn-off than stomach discomfort, so the more you can sneak in during your good moments and the more you can avoid aggravating the nausea, the better it will go, even if you can't do nearly as much as you want, even if you can't do most of the activities you want. Adapt and explore what you can do...