Submissive v. Slave

Labels, labels, labels. It seems that one cannot escape the discussions about what label you claim and whether or not it is "correct". And gods help ye if ye trip up... *sigh*

Actually, this post comes to you complimentary of "Submissive Journal Prompts"

“Submissives need to be told what to do. Slaves do what they are told.”

The difference is both subtle and stark. By this particular definition, I guess I would qualify as a slave. I don't need to be told to do the dishes, clean the bathrooms, take care of the dozen little details in the course of the week. If Beloved decides something needs special attention, I attend to it promptly (although not always without dissenting comment).

We have actually tried the other route...my asking or him telling me what to do. It doesn't work out so well. He tires of the mundane chores quickly, and I get frustrated when directed to do only as I'm told because it would take a month to get through a week's worth of chores at that rate...

But this definition is extremely limited. I talked with Beloved a little about the quote, and he pointed out that self-control and self-discipline weren't mentioned...something that most submissives run away from.

er...run away from? I had to stop and think about that. It's not a complimentary thought. I wanted to reject the notion...after all, I just pointed out that I don't need to be told what to do...that I have the self-discipline to do what needs to be done.

But then I started thinking about why we began this venture two years ago...I was so self-disciplined that I lacked self-control. *sigh* Maybe Beloved has a point...?

I'd like to think that I have gained some self-control in the last two years. I'm better about speaking up and saying that I'm in trouble. But that is another limitation to the definition...it does not get into the mental mindset, and perhaps that is where more of my struggle lies. I am going to pull back, resent, and argue with confining directives. I am going to voice my opinions on the world. I am going to make certain decisions all on my own, and woe to those who oppose me.

*frowns* Not very submissive- OR slave-like...

Or does that matter?

I wish I didn't feel like I had to compete or explain who I am. I wander through the community and see all kinds of relationships, and I hold myself up for comparison. Am I submissive like her, slave like him? Do I serve Beloved better or worse than that individual serves their Owner? And I know it's not something only I do...there are arguments all the time about what a label means. I've struggled for months with my roommates because of such things. I've struggled with comments from Sir and Clockwerk because I haven't fit the expectations.

Or does that matter?

Beloved and I have a relationship that has grown and changed and evolved over the years. The last two years have included some of the more formal ideas of power exchange and D/s. We've checked out some of the local clubs, gotten involved with some of the community, read books. We've played around with labels and discovered limitations with just about every one.

Or does that matter?

When Beloved and I got our first apartment together, it was four years after we'd been officially married. Four YEARS. I was terrified that I'd discover I didn't like the guy who had been my husband for so long. One of the best pieces of advice I got was my aunt's comment that just because we lived together didn't mean we had to use the same brand of toothpaste. Funny how simple that was, but it made a huge difference. Similiarly, some of the best advice I've gotten in the lifestyle is that it doesn't matter what label I claim...what matters is that what we have works for us.

Submissive...Slave? Or does it matter?

"That which we call a rose. By any other name would smell as sweet."